


I'm Still Standing

by paperviolins



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Kylo Ren, Angst, Armitage Hux is an Idiot, Aromantic/Demiromantic! Ben Solo, Asexual/Demisexual! Ben Solo, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canon-Typical Violence, Flashbacks, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force-Sensitive Armitage Hux, Han Solo Lives, I say fuck canon, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Never Existed, Multi, Poe Dameron and Ben Solo Childhood Friends, Poe and Ben are a chaotic duo, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resurrection, Sassy Ben Solo, Sexuality Crisis, Temporary Character Death, Trauma, canon similarities, there will eventually be smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperviolins/pseuds/paperviolins
Summary: Ben Solo never fell to the dark side and instead became a Jedi; Kylo Ren was never created but was instead replaced by an equally terrific evil. Armitage Hux has a serious problem deciding his loyalties between the genocidal campaign of the First Order and the “everybody lives” mentality of the Resistance; does he do what his gut tells him is right, or does he go along with what he’s been taught since birth? With the help of a runaway stormtooper, a girl from literally nowhere, a hot headed pilot with a flirting problem, and Ben’s overprotective family, they will discover secrets of the Force and things about themselves they never could imagine while working to defeat the most powerful evil the galaxy has ever witnessed. But can they do it without losing everything most important along the way?
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn/Rey
Comments: 15
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

Ben was honestly surprised he had survived that damn crash. The engines had been completely gone, the X-wing had no braking or steering capabilities, had crashed from height directly into the ground, and Ben had still managed to get out of the thing before it exploded. Now he was struggling through the snowstorm that had seemed to hit the moment he landed. It really felt like everything that could possibly go wrong was, but the Force really wanted him alive.

A blaster bolt flew past Ben’s head. He ducked and looked back in the direction the bolt had come from but saw nothing. Ben cursed and started running. Damn Stormtroopers and their white armor. Another bolt came out of the storm and hit Ben in the side. He cried out and stumbled, clutching his side. This was turning nasty fast, Ben had to get out of there. He turned and sprinted into the storm.

Thankfully, Stormtroopers always seemed to have horrible aim. The storm definitely wasn’t helping that. Ben was able to dodge what blaster bolts got a little too close, and the others landed far off into the storm. Unfortunately, the storm also made it nearly impossible for Ben to see as well.

The ground dropped out from under Ben. He let out a panicked noise as he pitched forward and fell. He hit the ground hard and knew nothing more.

\---

_Snow swirled around Ben as he stood there. He had always liked Ilum. He had always liked the snow. The way it fell so quietly and cast silence. He didn’t like the blizzards that were frequent on the planet, that was for certain, but the snow itself was nice. And then there was the overwhelming presence of the Force. It hummed through every inch of the planet, deep to its core, and in every snowflake that drifted through the air. It was intoxicating. Not to mention, the shear strength of the Force in this place had been one of the only ways that Ben had ever truly felt free of Snoke in his youth. The first time Ben had been here, it had felt like a weight lifted from his very soul to finally not feel that hatred and malice. But that reprieve had quickly been drowned out by his own fear of what would come once he entered the temple and found his kyber crystal. He had been terrified that, as he sat there meditating with it, blood red would begin to seep into every inch of the crystal and mark him as something truly evil._

_Ben shook his head to get rid of that memory and was at once standing at the door to the Jedi Temple. He gazed up at the intricately carved stone that somehow was never touched by snow. Maybe that was because of the Force. Maybe the Force kept the carvings visible and unmarred by time. That seemed plausible. Ben placed his palm on the cold surface of the door and pushed. Nothing happened. Ben frowned and pushed harder, but the door still didn’t budge. It seemed the door was locked somehow. A shiver of fear ran up Ben’s spine. The temple was never locked._

_Burning pain engulfed Ben’s hand and he jerked away with a gasp. He looked down at his hand to find it now covered in a thick black glove. His whole attire had changed. Now, instead of his loose Jedi robes, tight black fabric encased him. It felt suffocating. Ben looked up, hoping to try the temple door again, if only to find a safe place to hide, but the door was gone, and he only saw white. A blizzard had begun._

_“Why do you fight it? Why do you fight the call to the Dark?”_

_Ben shuddered as the voice whipped around him with the wind._

_“Go away!” Ben shouted, but his voice was eaten by the gale._

_“What even is there for you in the Light?” Snoke rasped, “No one cares for you, truly. You know this, deep down in you heart. So why do you stay? Why do you fight?”_

_Ben covered his ears and sunk to the ground. “I will not succumb,” he chanted._

_Snoke’s laugh wailed with the storm, piercing Ben’s ears and stinging ever inch of exposed skin._

_“Ben,” another voice whispered. The voice was clear over the storm and Snoke’s laughing._

_Ben cowered further, assuming the voice to have ill intent._

_“Ben, listen,” the voice said louder, dominating the other sounds._

_Ben opened his eyes and relaxed his grip on his head. Something told him this voice was safe._

_“Ben, you need to wake up.”_

_Ben looked up. The storm was gone and Ben was once more standing on the expanse of Ilum. A robed figure stood before him._

_“Who are you?” Ben asked._

_“You need to wake up, Ben. It’s been too long.”_

_“Who are you? What do you mean?”_

_The figure was now standing in front of Ben, having not once moved. The breath caught in Ben’s throat._

_“You must wake up,” a voice spoke from under the stranger’s hood. Ben could see only darkness under it._

_“Wake up Ben.”_

Ben gasped and started choking as fluid filled his mouth and lungs. He fought for oxygen as alarms started going off both internally and externally around him. Ben tried to open his eyes, but everything was just painfully bright and blurry, so he closed them again. Something tightened under his arms, and Ben had the sensation of being pulled through a viscous liquid. There was a shock of cold and then something was being ripped out of his throat. Ben tried to claw at whatever was doing that to him and found himself immediately being restrained by strong hands.

Someone was saying something to him. Ben forced himself to focus on the voice.

“-en. Ben! Calm down! You need to calm down Ben! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Ben stopped struggling and opened his eyes again. He had to blink a few times to clear them, and then he focused on the owner of the voice, and coincidentally the hands that had been restraining him. It was Poe.

“There we go. Take it easy buddy, you were just pulled out of a bacta tank. It’s going to be a little rough adjusting. You slipped your breathing tube and inhaled the bacta. That’s what we were pulling out of your throat,” Poe said.

Ben licked his lips, verifying that nothing was in his mouth now.

“Ben,” another voice said. Ben turned his head and saw the resistance’s main doctor. “Can you take a deep breath? The bacta won’t drown you, but we have to make sure you can breathe on your own.”

Ben tried to take a deep breath and started coughing violently. He lurched over onto his side and coughed up a mass of mucusy fluid.

“Good, good, get it out of your lungs,” the doctor said.

Ben managed to catch his breath and flopped on his back. He took deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart.

“Dameron, help me get him into a real bed.”

Ben allowed Poe and the doctor to lift him and carry him to a bed. It wasn’t like he had the strength to resist them anyway. He was settled down and the doctor began scanning him right away with a mediscan unit. 

“How you feeling, bud?” Poe asked.

“Like shit,” Ben coughed. Speaking was hard and there was still some bacta in his lungs.

Poe laughed, “well, I can’t say you look much better. You gave us quite the scare there.”

“How long was I out?” Ben asked.

The doctor tisked and put down the mediscan probe. “I am not happy with how you came out of that tank, but there is nothing for it. You’ll be fine. The bacta withdrawals will be well deserved. You’re lucky Commander Dameron and I were in here when we were.”

The doctor stormed off and out of the medical room. 

“I wonder what’s got her panties in a twist,” Poe muttered.

“Poe,” Ben said as firmly as possible, “What happened, and how long was I out for?”

Poe shifted uncomfortably and avoided Ben’s gaze.

“Poe.”

“Six months,” Poe finally said.

“What?”

“I said,” Poe sighed, “you’ve been out for six months. Nothing worked to try and wake you up, you stubborn ass.”

Ben stared at the ceiling. Six kriffing months. How the hell did that happen?

The door to medical slid open. Ben and Poe both looked in the direction of the open door where Leia Organa and C3-PO stood.

“Mom,” Ben said.

“You idiot!” Leia shouted, storming across the room. Ben winced at the loud noise. “You nearly got yourself killed! And for what? A failed mission? No new information as to the whereabouts of your uncle?”

Ben sighed, it was all starting to come back to him. Breaking into the First Order ship, getting caught before he could get the information he needed, crashing into the planet, and falling.

“And what the hell was that not waking up for six months!? We were worried that you would never wake up! I was worried I was going to loose my son again!”

“Mom,” Ben interjected. He reached out to Leia and she took his hand. “I’m ok. You’re not going to lose me. At least not anytime soon.”

Leia sighed and rubbed her eyes. She looked tired. Ben wondered if she was getting any sleep. Probably not.

“Don’t pull something like that again. You had me worried sick,” all at once her tone had shifted from angry General to concerned mother. Leia had a distinct talent for doing that.

“I’m sorry mom.”

Leia brushed some wet hair off of Ben’s forehead. “Don’t apologize Ben. I know you didn’t mean to stay unconscious for so long.”

“I still failed the mission though, and was out of commission when I should have been out there fighting.”

“Hush,” Leia said, “it doesn’t matter now. All that’s important is that you’re ok.”

“What did I miss?”

“Not much, honestly,” Poe said. Both Ben and Leia looked at him. “I mean, there’s been raids and a couple more missions to follow leads to Skywalker, but nothing really groundbreaking.”

Ben sighed and closed his eyes. Well at least he hadn’t missed anything major.

Something chirped. Ben opened his eyes and saw Poe looking at a small datapad.

“Shit, I’ve got to go. It’s 0800 already.”

“Poe, you didn’t sleep did you?” Leia asked in her mother voice.

Poe shrugged. “Too late now.”

Ben looked between Poe and his mother in confusion.

“Well you better get going,” Leia said.

Poe nodded and patted Ben’s shoulder. “I’ll see you later big guy, I’ve got a mission.”

Ben watched Poe leave the medical bay. “Where is he going?”

“Following another lead. We think we’ve found a map to Luke.” Leia said.

“Oh. Really?” Ben asked.

Leia nodded. “Don’t get your hopes too high. The last seven missions have been fruitless.”

“Only seven?”

“The ones before that ended in disaster.”

“Oh.”

Leia squeezed Ben’s hand, then set it down on his bare chest. “Get some rest. Someone will be in shortly to get you cleaned up.”

Leia smiled softly at Ben then left the room. Ben sighed and stared at the ceiling. His mind drifted to the mysterious figure that had appeared to him. He wondered who it had been.

Ben shivered, the bacta was slowly drying and cooling on his skin. He closed his eyes and slipped into meditation, trying to distance himself from his bodily discomforts.

A hand on his shoulder startled Ben awake. Apparently he had fallen asleep. Ben looked up at the owner of the hand and saw the doctor again.

“I didn’t want to get attacked again, so I decided it would be best to wake you before we start cleaning you up.”

Ben looked around and saw a particularly beefy medical droid.

“Do you think you can stand? It would be easier if you could use the refresher than for us to manually clean and dress you.”

Ben grimaced, “I can try.”

With the help of the medical droid and doctor, Ben sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He dug deep into the Force for strength and stood on shaky legs.

“Good, but don’t hurt yourself. I think it will be best if the droid and I help you in the ‘fresher.”

Ben didn’t argue and allowed himself be led into the small refresher attached to the medical bay. The medical droid held Ben up while the doctor scrubbed him down roughly. Soon enough, it was over and the two dressed Ben in clean clothes and put him back in bed. The doctor told Ben something, probably to stay in bed and rest, but Ben was already well on his way to sleep again.

Ben slept well into the next day and woke up to his mother sitting next to him.

“Good morning Ben,” Leia said, smiling. “Well, good afternoon I should say. How are you feeling?”

Ben yawned and cleared his throat. “Better than I did earlier. How long did I sleep?”

“Just overnight. I came in to check on you just a little bit ago because you slept so late.”

Ben nodded and sat up. He really did feel much better. There was still some grogginess clinging to the edges of his consciousness, but that was a normal part of bacta withdrawal.

“How’s Poe doing?” Ben asked.

Leia chuckled. “You two. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you were a couple. We haven’t heard anything from Poe yet, but he does have to go quite far and deep into First Order territory. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s decided to run this mission completely dark.”

Ben nodded, “that’s definitely a Poe thing to do.”

Leia patted Ben’s arm. “Are you hungry? It’s not quite time for dinner yet, but I think I can get the cook to make an exception.”

Ben chuckled at the devious glint in Leia’s eye. “Yeah, I’m starving and I want to get out of this bed.”

Leia smiled and stood up. She watched intently as Ben stood on slightly shaky legs. She gave Ben a look that he just waved off.

“I’m fine mom, lets go.”

The two walked slowly to the mess hall. Ben was unsteady on his legs, but every step was becoming more and more sure. Leia tried to talk the cook into making something for Ben, but she was too busy preparing dinner for the base. Instead, she tossed a ration pack at Leia and told her to give that to Ben. Ben had to resist the urge to laugh when he saw his mother’s annoyed face. 

Leia sat down next to Ben and opened the ration pack for him.

“Here. If it was anyone else, I would have had them fired for insubordination,” Leia shook her head. “But Lani is the best cook we’ve been able to find and I don’t want to go back to eating your father’s cooking.”

Ben chuckled, but quickly stopped at the look on Leia’s face.

“Mom, what is it? Did something happen to dad?”

Leia shook her head and plastered on a fake smile. “Nothing happened. He’s fine as far as I know, but he did run off again.”

Ben knew what that meant. His father had a bad habit of going off for months at a time when he and Leia had a bad argument or if things were otherwise difficult. He always came back though, eventually.

“Did you two get in another fight?”

“No,” Leia sighed and rested her cheek on her hand. “He was convinced you weren’t going to wake up and ran off. He thought you were gone again.”

Ben looked down at the table. Neither spoke. Ben figured he should start eating.

Ben had been thirteen when his parents had almost lost him forever. It was the absolute darkest time in Ben’s life and he didn’t like thinking about it. But the memories always had a way of creeping up on him.

_Screams echoed through the dark over the din of the pouring rain. Ben hid in his hut, terrified for his life. He hated himself for not going out there and defending his fellow padawans and the younglings, but he knew the strength and power of the monsters that were out there. Ben wasn’t strong enough to fight them. He also knew they were there for him. Snoke had sent them._

_Something hit the side of his hut and Ben had to resist the urge to shriek. He stayed as still as possible, hoping no one was out there and that a rock had just hit the hut. Unfortunately, that was not the case. The door burst in, slamming against the opposite wall of the hut. Ben stared, frozen, up at the black clad figure in the doorway. A sickening red glow, emanating from the light saber in the intruder’s fist, illuminated the details of their mask._

_“Kylo Ren, we meet at last.”_

_“T-that’s not my name,” Ben stammered, standing with his own lightsaber held by shaking hands._

_“Why do you fight this, Kylo? There is nothing for you in the light, come over to the dark. Master Snoke will teach you wondrous things. Things you could never imagine doing. You will be so powerful.”_

_There was a part deep, deep down in Ben that wanted to follow the masked knight. A part that wanted to be valued and not constantly feel alone. But it wouldn’t win. Ben would not allow that. His uncle and Poe had done too much for him to fall to the darkside now._

_“I’ll never go with you,” Ben sneered._

_“So be it.”_

_The next thing Ben knew, he was waking up buried in rubble._

Ben shook himself out of the memory.

“That’s not going to happen again mom, I promise.”

Leia hummed. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep Ben.”

Ben scoffed lightly at his mother and met her tired smile. “I really mean it mom.”

“I know you do Ben. And I know you will try, but your father and I will always have that worry.”

Ben and Leia sat silent as Ben finished his meal. By that time, people had begun filtering for dinner and it was getting quite loud in the room.

“Ben,” Leia said over the noise, “let’s go somewhere else to talk. I have some questions to ask you, as your general.”

Ben reluctantly followed his mother to her office where he proceeded to tell her everything that had happened during his disastrous mission. Leia then told him how it had taken a week for them to find him and only Poe's insistence on finding Ben and some miracle of the Force had made it possible. After that, Leia released him with strict orders to rest. Ben didn’t even think to complain, he was already exhausted even though he had only been awake a few hours.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello y'all! I wanted to take a moment to say that I've done some minor revisions to the first chapter, just to fix some mistakes and make it a bit more cohesive. I really shouldn't be allowed to post at 11 o'clock at night. Feel free to go back and read it again before continuing onto this next one, but it isn't necessary! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Three days passed with no word from Poe. Leia had figured that the commander had just deemed the situation too risky for a check in. Ben spent most of his time in meditation, trying to not worry about his best friend.

It was deep in one of these meditation sessions that Ben felt it. It started as a tiny ripple in the Force, barely even perceptible, that steadily grew into a pulling sensation within Ben’s entire being. He tried to ignore it at first, but the feeling persisted and eventually became a strong compulsion to leave and find something. If Luke or Poe were there, Ben would have asked their opinion on what to do, but neither was available of course. So Ben sought out the only other person he felt he could confide in; his mother.

Leia was in her office with one of the higher ranking officers on the base when Ben stepped through the door. The two looked at Ben with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance.

“Sorry to disturb you, General,” Ben said quickly, hoping to convey his own urgency with as few words as possible so as not to catch the suspicion of the other officer. Best not to involve anyone else.

Leia straightened up immediately, sensing something was off. Ben never refered to her by her rank.

“What is it Commander?” Leia asked.

“I need to speak with you about something. Something important.”

Leia nodded and waved the other officer out of the room. “I’m sorry Grenko, we can continue our discussion later.”

The officer, Grenko, nodded and left the room. They gave Ben a pat on the shoulder and a quiet “welcome back” as they passed. Once the officer was gone, Ben aproached his mother’s desk.

“Ben, what’s wrong? What happened?” Leia asked, all façade of powerful general gone.

Ben could feel her concern clearly through the Force. “Mom, I’ve felt something in the Force. It’s like something out there is calling to me. Bekoning me to come find it.”

A dark look passed over Leia’s face and Ben could no longer sense her emotions. She had closed herself off, probably without meaning to.

“Ben, do you think it’s Snoke again?”

Ben shook his head. “No, I don’t. There was always a sinister feeling when Snoke was trying to tempt me. This doesn’t feel like that.”

Leia considered his words for a moment. “You want to go after it, don’t you?”

Ben nodded.

“No.”

“What?” Ben asked, confused and mildly affronted.

“You’re not going after whatever it is, and that’s an order. It still could be Snoke or some other sinister force.”

“But mom-“

“No, that’s final. Please just obey my command, Ben. If not as your mother, then as your General. You’ve just woken up after being out of commission for six months. I need you here, helping. With Poe gone, you’re our best pilot.”

Ben sighed. He knew his mother was right. There was a strong possibility that he was just misinterpreting the intent of this compulsion. She was also right about his role here with the resistance. They needed every person doing their job. That was the only way they were going to win this damn war.

“I understand. I’ll go find some way to be useful around here.”

Ben turned and left the room before his mother could say anything more. Ben took a moment to breathe once the door closed. He could feel the anger beginning to bubble in him. Ben had always had difficulty controlling his emotions. Snoke had seen that and used it to his advantage. If it hadn’t been for Poe, Ben would have been fully seduced to the darkside. Ben released his anger to the Force. He would not let it get the best of him, not again.

Whatever was out there, Ben would ignore it. He’d done it before, when he managed to block out Snoke. He could do it again. Of course, work would help with that.

And that’s how Ben found himself ripping apart an X-wing to try and figure out what wrong with the guidance system. He had been at it for hours already and felt no closer to the solution. Nothing was wrong with the guidance system itself, or the adjoining systems or any of the adjoining adjoining systems. Ben had torn through most of the ship and still nothing was working. To say he was starting to get frustrated would be an understatement.

“Did you check the targeting computer integration?” a woman said.

Ben jerked and smacked his head on the panel above him. He turned around to look at whoever had snuck up on him, which didn’t happen for the record. People didn’t just sneak up on Ben. No one was there. Ben looked around in confusion. There wasn’t even a presence in the Force to indicate another being in the vicinity.

“Who said that?” Ben called into the empty hanger.

There was no response. Ben hopped down from the X-wing and summoned his lightsaber to him. He made a slow circuit of the hanger, but found nothing. Satisfied that he was alone, but still confused, Ben returned to the ship he had been working on.

He stared up at the cockpit, considering what he had heard. He hadn’t checked the targeting computer, he knew that much. Maybe the voice had just been his own thoughts. But it had sounded like a person in the room with him. A shiver ran down Ben’s spine. The last time something like that had happened had been with Snoke. No, this had to have just been Ben’s own thoughts.

Ben moved his ladder and climbed up into the cockpit of the ship. It took a minute to get down to where the targeting computer was integrated with the main computer of the ship, but, sure enough, there was a fried connection. Ben scoffed, of course this was the kriffing problem. One fried connection in a secondary system that had brought down the whole guidance system. He pulled out the tools he needed and replaced the connection. Then he turned around in the pilot’s seat and fired up the ship to check the guidance system again.

The system flared to life. Ben pulled up the onboard navigation display and set a couple of different destinations, then checked the missile targeting system. Everything checked out perfectly. Ben sat in the cockpit for a moment, pondering where the answer had come from. It made sense, in retrospect, that the problem had been in something that relied on the guidance computer. To why Ben had not thought to check it sooner was a mystery. He had probably just made the realization that the targeting computer hadn’t been checked yet in his subconscious. Yes, that made sense.

Ben shut down the X-wing and climbed out. It had to be quite late, since no one had been into the hanger for a while. Ben closed up the other panel that he had left open on the ship and put away his tools. No sense in making someone else’s job harder later. 

Ben stopped at the door that led from the hanger to the rest of the base. He turned around and made one more visual sweep of the room, even reaching out with the Force to confirm that no one else was there. Satisfied that there was no one hiding, Ben made his way back to is quarters. He’d just push that incident from his mind like he always had with Snoke.

\---

Ben tossed and turned in his bed that night. He had been laying bed for hours trying to fall asleep, but sleep continued to allude him. The compulsion to leave and look for whatever was calling to him through the force had only grown in strength from the moment he stopped working in the hangar. He had tried everything he knew to block it out, but nothing was working. It felt like he was child again, trying to block out the nightmares of abandonment, death, and destruction. Countless nights of his childhood had been spent fighting to stay awake for fear of what happened when he closed his eyes. The difference now was that he was fighting to get to sleep in avoidance of this feeling.

It wasn’t that the feeling was particularly strong that was making it impossible to block out. It was just constant and unknown. And that terrified Ben. That terror was what was keeping the compulsion at the forefront of Ben’s mind. He was terrified that it was Snoke trying to lure him in again. But there was something about this feeling, this beckoning, that felt different. Something told Ben that there was no ill intent behind it. It was almost as if an old friend was calling his name. But one could never be too careful when it came to the darkside.

Ben rolled over in his bed and fished his datapad up off the ground. The screen illuminated in the dark room and Ben had to squint as the light stung his eyes for a moment. He glanced at the screen and saw no new messages or information and then pulled up the built in chronometer. It was 0400 hours. People would be waking up soon.

“If you’re going, you have to do it now.”

Ben looked up sharply, and for a moment, he thought he saw the figure of a girl standing in his room. She was gone the moment Ben had laid eyes on her. He was on is feet in an instant, lightsaber in hand.

“Who’s there?” Ben demanded of the dark and empty room.

There was no answer, but Ben wasn’t really expecting one. All the same, he checked every square inch of the room, just to make sure it was indeed empty. Satisfied with that, Ben sat heavily on his bed. He was probably hallucinating from lack of sleep, yeah, that sounded right. The voice and the visual had to just be a hallucination. Well, that was a terrifying thought. Ben didn’t know if he liked the idea of losing his mind better or worse than someone trying to seduce him over to the darkside.

Still, what the voice had said- what the girl had said- rang true. If Ben was going to go find the source of whatever, or whoever, was calling him, he had to leave before the base woke up. Especially before his mother woke up.

“Damn it,” Ben whispered harshly.

There was no ignoring this thing, he might as well see what it really was. He’d deal with the consequences when they came.

Ben dressed himself quickly in his Jedi robes and gathered what supplies he had hidden away. The door to his quarters slid open with a quiet hiss as Ben pulled his hood low over his face, not that it would help much in the way of anonymity since he was the only Jedi on the base. The dark fabric would disguise Ben for now, however, and allow him to blend into the darkness and cross the base unseen. Or that was the hope at least.

Once sure that no one was in the Corrine, Ben slipped out of his room and hurried to the main hangar. There were still guards about- Leia wasn’t stupid enough to leave the whole base unguarded for hours every night- but Ben was able to evade most of them. Luckily, the guards stationed in the hangar were fast asleep. Ben smirked a little at the sight. Man were those guys going to be in hot shit the next morning. He almost felt bad for them.

Quietly, Ben made his way over to the X-wing he had repaired the previous day. That particular ship didn’t have a set pilot and was still marked as being repaired so there was little risk of disrupting any planned, or unplanned, missions. Ben had a bad habit of forgetting to update the logs. He climbed into the cockpit and started the take off sequence. This is where things were going to get interesting.

The ship roared to life in the silent hangar. The two guards that were in there startled awake and immediately began an attempt to stop the unauthorized takeoff. Unfortunately, they were up against the resistance’s second best pilot and the son of Han Solo himself. 

Ben gunned the engine and the ship shot out the open hangar door before the guards could even think to sound the alarm. The second he was clear of the building, Ben pulled up sharply. The ship clipped a few trees as it climbed toward space faster than would ever be recommended. But hey, he wanted to get out of there before anyone could follow him.

As the ship broke atmosphere, the comm crackled to life.

“Pilot, identify yourself and return to ground immediately.”

“Yeah, no,” Ben said, switching off communications and the on-board tracking system. It wouldn’t hide him completely from the ground, but he wanted to be sure they wouldn’t track him out of the system.

With well-practiced routine, Ben manually input a set of coordinates and set the ship into lightspeed. He needed to get just far enough from the resistance that they wouldn’t find him on their ground side scanners. Not that it mattered anyway. Leia wasn’t likely to send anyone after him. Maybe she would have if he stayed in the Ileenium system, but the second he got out of it, she wouldn’t have risked the ships. They would have tried to track him, however, and that could not be had.

The ship came out of hyperspace moments later. Ben had just hopped a few systems over, but it didn’t really matter. This was not his final destination.

The lack of an astromech droid on board meant Ben had essentially no navigation computer. He just had the ship’s internal one that was mostly for emergencies and limited him to nearby areas and known coordinates.

Ben sat for a minute, deciding the best course of action. He could just start flying blindly, but if the place he was being called to was far away it would take forever without hyperdrive. But to use the hyperdrive, he needed exact coordinates. Sensing his own rising levels of annoyance, Ben closed his eyes and took a breath. If the Force was trying to get him to go somewhere, then it would provide him the means. At least he hoped that was the case.

Slipping easily into meditation, Ben focused on the beckoning he was feeling. The image of a planet came into his mind’s eye. It was a desert planet, if the sandy color was anything to go by, but that hardly narrowed it down. Then, as if someone had whispered it, a name came to mind and with it coordinates.

Ben opened his eyes and punched in the coordinates before he could forget them. Then he sat back and engaged the hyperdrive. As the stars turned into streaks of light outside the ship, Ben settled in for the journey. It would take a few hours to get where he was going, at least that was what Ben assumed. Meditation would do him good, and maybe he would be able to get some sleep on the way. 

One word stuck in Ben’s mind as he slipped into meditation.

Jakku.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: There is a scene with attempted rape, I'm gonna be blunt with y'all. It doesn't go very far, but the intention is clear and could be disturbing for someone.
> 
> That being said, this chapter took an unexpected turn for me. It started off very different than I had planned, but hey. That's just how writing be some times. Hope y'all enjoy!

This pilot was more than a little bit of a nuisance for Hux. Not only were they getting absolutely no information out of him, but his capture had also heralded the arrival of one of the Supreme Leader’s Knights of Ren, Kovos. Kovos wasn’t the first Knight of Ren that Hux had met in his time with the First Order. It would be a lie to even consider such a possibility given how closely Hux worked with the Supreme Leader. Of course he would have frequent interactions with the Supreme Leader’s pupils. That didn’t mean, however, that Hux enjoyed these occasions. No, he absolutely dreaded them, and this one was by far the worst.

Kovos Ren was not like the other Knights Hux had met and worked with. The others had scared Hux, yes, what with their magic of the Force and their temperaments. But Kovos was different. Kovos terrified Hux. The knight was colder and more calculated than the others. He had a certain vindictiveness to him that made his actions less fueled by uncontrolled emotion and more calculated. It made the knight dangerous and a force to be reckoned with. It was no wonder he was the head of this strange gaggle of demons, below Supreme Leader Snoke of course.

The door to the interrogation cell slid open and Kovos stormed out. It took every ounce of Hux’s self-control to not react physically to the sudden presence.

“General,” Kovos’s distorted voice was like the squeal of ungreased metal fighting to move against each other. “We must speak in private.”

“As you wish,” Hux responded.

Hux reluctantly followed Kovos through the halls of the Finalizer and into a small conference room. Once the door closed, Kovos removed his mask and threw it to the ground with enough force to dent the durasteel deck plating. Hux couldn’t stop himself flinching at the sound of the heavy helmet striking the ground. 

Kovos began pacing the length of the room like a caged nexu, all sleek power and barely held restraint. Hux couldn’t stop himself staring at the Knight’s hideous face. It wasn’t that the man was disfigured or nonhuman. No, he was actually rather conventionally attractive, Hux had to admit. His skin was fair and his facial features well defined with long, dark hair framing it in a way that should have been pleasant. There was just something about him that made him ugly. Maybe it was the scowl on his face, or the crazed glint in his eyes. Or maybe it was the tangible feeling of death and evil that hung about the man like a miasma. What ever it was, it made Kovos look like a monster. And he was.

“I don’t know how, but that vermin is able to resist me when I try to infiltrate his mind. He doesn’t have the Force, and yet his mind is as strong as one trained in it.” Kovos’s voice was, if anything, worse without the mask. It was loud and somehow even more abrasive. Hux wished the man would put his helmet back on so he didn’t have to see that face and hear that voice.

“Maybe your powers are just not as strong as you thought they were,” Hux said with a slight sneer.

Kovos screeched to a stop. Hux could not see his face, but he knew the knight was angry. Something tightened around Hux and he found himself being dragged toward Kovos. At the last moment, Kovos turned and grasped Hux by the lapels of his great coat. He slammed Hux against the wall of the conference room, hard enough to make Hux see white for a moment as his head contacted the wall.

“Do not presume to even begin to fathom the power I possess.” Spit flew from Kovos’s mouth as he hissed his threat at Hux. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. No one defies me and lives.”

“Well,” Hux said with slightly more waver than he would have liked, “you best not kill our prisoner before you get the information we need out of him, lest you have to tell the Supreme Leader you lost our best lead on Luke Skywalker.”

A dangerous smirk distorted Kovos’s face further.

“I think the Supreme Leader will understand. Besides, the _prisoner_ would be dying in your custody, thus making it your responsibility. What do you have to say to that, General?”

It was becoming more and more clear that it was impossible to gain any ground against Kovos. The knight always seemed to know how to perfectly counter Hux and bring him down with fear. The knight was able to maintain a dangerous control of the situation that no other Knight of Ren had been able to in Hux’s experience. It was easy to find the soft spots of the others and extort them into blind rage that made it easy for Hux to subtly manipulate them. But not with Kovos.

The knight slowly cocked his head and his smirk deepened.

“I frighten you, don’t I? I take your delicate sense of control and strip it away and it makes you oh so _terrified_.”

Hux swallowed harshly. He couldn’t respond, any response would just confirm Kovos’s assertation.

Kovos moved uncomfortably close, his mouth just millimeters from Hux’s ear.

“I like that in a man. I like to feel their fear as I strip down their defenses and bring them down to their most vulnerable. It’s intoxicating.”

Hux couldn’t stop the shiver that ran through his body at Kovos’s harsh whisper. A cold dread seeped up Hux’s spine. He knew what was going to happen, and he knew he was powerless to stop it. It was all he could do to not whimper as Kovos’s tongue ran slowly up Hux’s neck.

Then, blessedly then, the door to the conference room opened. Kovos’s head snapped around to look at the intruder. Then he looked back at Hux again with that awful smirk.

“Seems our fun will have to wait until later.”

Kovos released his hold on Hux and stalked over to where he had discarded his mask. The knight made a show of putting it back on as he passed Lieutenant Mitaka, who had been the one to interrupt what had been happening. Hux was endlessly grateful Mitaka had come in when he did.

Hux straightened his clothes and ran a hand over his hair, ensuring he looked presentable.

“What is it Lieutenant?”

Mitaka shifted uncomfortably. “I-It’s the prisoner, Sir. He’s escaped.”

“ _What?_ How?”

“We believe he had help, from one of our own. A stormtrooper. We are running checks to identify the defector.”

Hux took a slow breath. Of course, this was how this day was going. Though, he was mildly relieved the man had escaped before he could be subject to more torture from Kovos. 

“Of course he did. Report to me when you have identified the defector. Do we know where they have gone?”

“Yes, Sir. They stole a TIE. Units were dispatched to intercept and the ship was damaged. They crashed into the planet. A patrol has already been dispatched to search for them.”

“Good. I will check on the progress of the patrol later. I must report this development to the Supreme Leader,” Hux moved to the exit of the room. He paused next to Mitaka. “Thank you, Mitaka, for interrupting when you did. Speak to no one of what happened in this room.”

“Y-yes Sir, of course Sir.”

Hux nodded, satisfied, and left the room. He had no doubt that Mitaka would keep this, incident, secret. The man way loyal to a fault. Then, he turned down the hallway and started the long walk to tell the Supreme Leader about what had transpired. Hopefully, this meant Kovos would be leaving the ship. Hux didn’t know what he was going to do if the man stayed on the ship. He was dangerous, and Hux was definitely a target now. Hux would need guards at all hours if he had any hope of safety.

To the untrained eye, the door that lead into the massive holochamber that served as communication central with the Supreme Leader looked like any other door. Hux pitied the unfortunate individual who got lost and mistook this door for their destination. What an unlucky surprise that would be.

The door opened and Hux entered the dark room. The massive ghostly visage of Supreme Leader Snoke was already sitting atop his throne. Typical. Hux crossed the long walkway up to the throne and bowed respectfully to the Supreme Leader.

“Supreme Leader, I come baring unfortunate news.”

“What is it General?” 

Why was it that every entity who was part of that cult of the dark side of the Force had such an awful voice?

“I regret to inform you that the resistance pilot we had captured, the one we suspected to know the location to the map to Luke Skywalker, has escaped with a defecting stormtrooper. But their stolen ship crashed into the planet. I have every confidence that they will be found shortly. We may even be so lucky as to be led to the map.”

“I see,” there was a certain quality in Snoke’s tone that iced Hux’s blood. “You best not fail in retrieving this prisoner and the map. Kovos Ren has already reported his failings to me. It would be unfortunate if we got nothing out of this endeavor. I have withdrawn Kovos from your aid. There are matters he must deal with away from here. But I am sure you can manage on your own.”

“Of course Supreme Leader, I will not disappoint you.” Hux was relieved to hear he would no longer have to be around that monster that was Snoke’s student. Hux didn’t dare think what might have happened had the knight remained on the Finalizer.

“We shall see, General. We shall see.”

Hux bowed deeply to the Supreme Leader then made his way swiftly from the room. Once the door to the chamber closed behind him, Hux let out a small sigh of relief. He would be glad when he never had to be in the same room as one of these cultists again. Though, that was probably wishful thinking. Hux straightened his posture and made his way toward the bridge of the ship.

The bridge crew saluted when he entered the room. Hux surveyed the scene with a cold gaze. Everything seemed to be running smoothly.

“Report on the situation with the prisoner,” Hux demanded.

“We have managed to identify the rogue stormtrooper, Sir. His identification is FN-2187. He was part of Captain Phasma’s personal detail until recently. No previous record of deviance,” an officer reported.

Hux nodded, “And what of the search?”

“Troopers have thoroughly inspected the crash area but have been unable to locate the ship beyond some debris. It appears to have landed in a sinking field. Sweeps are starting to fan out from the crash radius to search for survivors.”

“Good, carry on then. Report anything of note to me at once.”

“Yes Sir.”

Hux turned and left the bridge. While he would just love to stand there and wait for something to happen, Hux had better things to do. He needed to contact the resistance and tell them their person had escaped. Hux was a spy after all.

\---

The moment Ben’s feet hit the sands of Jakku, he regretted his choice to wear his robes. This planet was hot. Very, very damn hot. The heavy fabric of his clothing felt oppressive in the heat. Ben was beginning to gain a sense of understanding and respect toward his uncle and grandfather for growing up on a planet like this. Luckily, Ben was a Jedi, and Jedi were not bothered much by things like temperature. Ben just had to ignore the heat, easy as that. Yeah, right. Ben shook his head and pulled his hood up, partially to conceal his identity and partially to shield himself from the sun. He needed to get moving.

He had landed his ship just outside of a settlement. He hadn’t wanted to draw any attention to himself, especially if this happened to be a trap. The settlement had felt like the right area to begin his search and it had been the only place Ben was able to pick up on sensors. It seemed to be some sort of space port, if the navigational beacon that had made the place find-able was and indication. Ben really hoped that whatever he was here to find would be close by.

Ben glanced up at his ship one last time before setting off in the direction of the settlement. The sand was difficult to walk on, but Ben soon got the hang of it. It occurred to him that he had never visited a desert planet before. It was a weird realization to think he was on entirely foreign type of planet. Sure, he had heard the stories of Tatooine, where uncle and grandfather had grown up, but to be actually confronted with the heat and sand of a desert planet was an entirely different thing. The sand was not going to be nice on the X-wing, that was for sure.

Cresting a sand dune, the settlement game into view. Ben stopped and stared at it for a moment. He wondered why anyone would live here. There was no plant life to be seen, just endless desert and wrecked ships of the past. The planet was a galactic graveyard for all intents and purposes. Then again, what was a graveyard without grave robbers?

Something about the settlement didn’t feel right. Ben couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he didn’t feel like he should start his search there. Instead, there seemed to be a pull coming from the open desert. Ben turned to look out into the field of dunes and rock. He thought he saw distant smoke, but it was only a glimpse of it if anything. Probably nothing of interest, if the smoke was real at all and not just a mirage. What he was looking for was definitely in the desert though, Ben was certain.

With a sort of sliding step, Ben started down the dune and in the direction of the pull. He was really starting to dislike sand.

The sun was starting to get low in the sky when Ben saw another structure. It had been empty desert for miles now and it was kind of a relief to see some sign of life, even if it was a piece of wreckage. But that was where he had to go. That was the place where he was being called. The Force was thrumming through this place, pulling Ben forward. It felt like he couldn’t stop walking if he wanted. The structure was an old AT-AT walker, Ben realized as he got closer. The relic must have been from the Galactic Civil War in which his parents and uncle had fought as part of the rebellion. Ben approached it from what had once been the top of the machine. He stopped next to the structure and laid his palm on the dusty metal. It was surprisingly cool for having been sitting in the scorching Jakku sun. There was a certain aura that hung over the craft. It didn’t feel like an old instrument of war. No, the echos of its past were still there, deep down, but a stronger aura surrounded the thing. Someone had made this place their home. 

Movement caught Ben’s attention. He looked in the direction of it and saw a tarp of sorts at the rear of the craft flapping in a breeze that had come up. He approached cautiously and pulled the tarp back. Behind was an empty space that looked to be used for storage. There was a clear walkway leading deeper into the structure.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Ben called. Better to announce himself than to just waltz into someone’s dwelling unannounced.

There was no response so Ben slowly made his way inside, careful of anyone who might be lurking in the shadows. The storage room dropped down into a sort of hall that led then into another room. This room was larger and based in the “belly” of the walker. Here were obvious signs of life. Signs of a life. There was a hammock at one end of the space and some rough furniture scattered about, probably scavenged from other wrecks. The space was cluttered, but homey. It spoke of a rough and lonely life. Ben felt sympathy for whoever lived here. He knew what it was like to feel alone.

One wall of the space, the only fully accessible wall, drew Ben’s attention. The black surface was covered in little silver lines that stood out like stars. It was a breathtaking sight. Ben found himself running his fingers along one long row of the lines and was mildly surprised to find them to be rough scratch marks. Someone had done this manually, line by line. Ben’s fingers came to a stop at the premature end of a line, the bottom one. He absently ran his finger repeatedly over the last line and pondered the purpose of this display. Then a bitter realization dawned on him. This had to be a calendar of sorts, but not one of tracking or marking off days. Someone was counting. Counting how long they had been here.

“Who are you?” a voice demanded from behind Ben.

He froze. Ben had been too absorbed with the wall to notice the other person enter. And now he knew he wasn’t welcome.

Ben raised his hands and slowly turned to face the person.

“I mean you no harm,” he said.

The girl, it was a girl standing there in worn clothes, raised a staff, pointing it at Ben with clear threat.

“Why are you in here? What do you want? Are you trying to steal? There is nothing of value of here.”

“I’m not here to steal from you. I’m sorry if I caused you any fear, that wasn’t my intention. No one was here and I was curious about the structure.”

The girl narrowed her eyes at Ben. She didn’t believe him. Ben could feel her doubt through the Force.

“Take off your hood, let me see your face,” she demanded, gesticulating with her staff.

Ben complied, reaching up slowly and drawing back his hood. The girl regarded him with a cautious curiosity, no doubt born of a life of scavenging.

“My name is Ben,” Ben offered.

“Don’t care, get out.”

Ok, that was a bit harsh, Ben thought. And rude. He hadn’t even done anything!

“Wait, I’m actually here for a good reason. I came to find you.” The words hadn’t really meant to be true, but they ended up that way. Ben was suddenly very aware that the source of the calling was this girl standing before him, threatening him with a stick.

“You’re here to find me?” the girl asked slowly.

Ben nodded, “yes, I am. I’d explain how and why, but you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” the girl seemed more relaxed with the situation. Her posture had changed subtly to be more open and less ready to fight.

“Well, I felt drawn here. From far away. The Force led me here. I’m a Jedi.”

The girl looked him up and down. “Jedi don’t exist. They’re extinct.”

Ben chuckled softly. “Obviously not, if my uncle and I are anything to go by.”

“Why me? I don’t have control of the Force. I’m just a scavenger.”

Ben considered her statement for a second. She was telling the truth, at least as far as she knew. Ben could sense no deception from her, and yet. Upon closer consideration, Ben could feel the Force thrumming through this girl. It was strong around her, very strong. Ben wondered how she hadn’t been found by Luke when she was younger. He had always been adept at finding younglings whom the Force was strong with, even if they were absurdly far off.

“No, I think you are strong with the Force, just untrained. I don’t know why I was brought here, but I know it was to find you. I think maybe I’m meant to train you, to be your teacher.”

The girl stopped pointing her staff at Ben and rested it against the wall. She obviously didn’t perceive him as a threat anymore. She walked over to a small table and started preparing what appeared to be food from a ration pack.

“You want to take me with you, don’t you?”

“Well, yes, I don’t intend to stay on this rock.”

“Then no. I’m not leaving.”

That was confusing. Who the hell would want to stay in a place like this? Especially someone living a life like this girl obviously was. Scavenging abandoned ship and trading the scrap for food.

“Why not? What’s even here for you? I’m offering you a better life than whatever this is.”

The girl shook her head, grabbing a reconstituted bread and heading for the door. The sun was setting outside. Ben followed the girl out of the craft. 

“I can’t leave. I’m waiting for my family. They could comeback any time.”

The girl sat down in the sand up against the foot of the walker and started eating. Ben stared down at her in confusion. This girl lived alone and had done so for a long time. Ben could sense it from her. Then a thought came to him. Ben glanced back toward the entrance into the girl’s home, toward the wall of marks. The meaning of the thousands of neat marks came to him. She had been counting the days since she had been left here. What a sad life, always waiting for a family that had abandoned you to return. Ben knew the feeling.

“They’re not coming back,” Ben said softly, more to himself than to the girl.

The girl gave him a nasty look.

“Yes, they are. They’ll be back.”

Ben could sense the little flicker of doubt from the girl before she squashed it. She really was forcing herself to believe her family would return after so many years. How young had this girl been when she was abandoned in this place? She had to have been here for a great many years to have accumulated so many marks.

Ben knew this was a loosing battle and that pushing it would cause the girl to shut down. So, he just stood there awkwardly and watched her finish her food and stare out into the desert. A filthy old fighter helmet sat next to her. It looked like it was from a rebel fighter that had no doubt gone down in the desert from some battle. Ben remembered something about a Battle of Jakku. Some sort of last hurrah in the war. The girl rested her hand on the helmet as she stared off into the desert. Ben could feel her desire to put it on, but she was still wary of Ben’s presence. He didn’t blame her; he was a stranger after all.

Panicked beeping of a droid came from a distance drawing both Ben and the girl’s attention. There was another voice with the droid that Ben couldn’t make out, but the droid sounded familiar. The girl jumped up and grabbed her staff, which she had taken just before heading outside. She dashed off in the direction of the noise and Ben hesitated for a moment. Then something about what the droid was saying struck him. He definitely knew it. Ben sprinted off after the girl and stopped at the crest of another dune. 

The girl was at the bottom arguing with someone on an armor-clad beast. Ben watched as she cut free a little round orange and white droid and told off the other person. But Ben wasn’t paying attention to the squabble. He was focused on the droid.

It was Poe’s droid. It was BB-8. What was BB-8 doing here?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hullo Lovelies! Here's the chapter I have finished for today. I'd like to say that i don't really have a set update schedule, but I'm trying my best to write and post as quickly as I can. That being said, it takes a couple of days to get a chapter down. These are the longest chapters I have ever managed to write and each one seems to just be getting longer. This fic is probably going to turn into the single longest piece of writing I've ever done!   
> To those of you craving some more Hux content, it will be coming. I just got to get these fools off Jakku first. I think this chapter will be the last that follows canon so closely, there was just too much good canon content from Jakku for me to throw it away.  
> I'm also still trying to hash out a summary for this fic that I'm happy with, so stay tuned for that (I've already changed it once).  
> Anywho, I'll stop blabbing. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Ben watched in stunned silence as the girl carefully fixed BB-8’s bent antenna.

“Where do you come from then?” the girl asked.

BB-8 chirped a slightly too excited reply of, “classified.” That droid had always been the chipper sort.

“I see,” the girl said as she reaffixed BB-8’s antenna, “me too, big secret.”

The girl stood up and pointed to the distance, toward the settlement Ben had landed near. “Niima Outpost is that way. Stay off Kelvin Ridge. Keep away from the Sinking Fields in the- “

“Wait!” Ben interrupted.

The girl and BB-8 both turned to look at Ben and BB-8 let out an excited squeal at the sight of him standing there. The little droid rushed past the girl to get to Ben. Ben dropped to a knee to be face to “face” with the little droid.

BB-8 was chirping up a storm, so fast that Ben could hardly understand him.

“Hey, buddy slow down. I’m excited to see you too. Sorry I couldn’t come say hi before you left with Poe, I had just woken up. Speaking of which, what the hell are you doing here? Where’s Poe?”

BB-8 swung around to look at the girl. Ben caught their meaning immediately.

“Right, of course, we’ll talk about that later.”

“You know this droid?” the girl asked.

Ben stood up and looked down at BB-8. “Yes, I do. He belongs to my best friend.”

The girl regarded the two of them carefully for a moment. Then she started moving back towards the AT-AT walker that served as her home.

“Well, you two can leave together then, I suppose.”

The girl brushed past Ben and walked back down the dune, tracing her previous steps almost exactly.

“Wait, stop, I’m not leaving without you.”

“I told you, I’m not leaving. Now get out of here.”

BB-8 chimed into the conversation with a dejected series of beeps that roughly translated to, “but it’s getting so dark.”

The girl stopped in her tracks and turned to glare at the human-droid duo. Ben could sense her annoyance, but her resolve was also crumbling.

“Fine,” she bit out finally, “you can stay the night, but in the morning, you go. The both of you.”

BB-8 beeped gleefully and followed after the girl. Ben sighed and followed as well. At least it was something. He wasn’t going to give up quite yet. Everything in him was saying he absolutely could not leave the planet without this girl. Whoever the hell she was.

\---

The sun had long since set and the air had quickly become cool. That was a surprise to Ben; he would have never guessed that the heat would just, go away for a time. It was a nice reprieve. Ben sat outside of the girl’s home, leaning back against the cool metal. It had felt wrong to go inside the space again, like he was invading her space. It didn’t help that she was currently radiating contempt for him. Ben could hear her chatting softly with BB-8 inside. The little droid seemed keen on making friends with her. BB-8 was kind of like that with anyone new though.

“What’s your name then?” the girl asked.

BB-8 responded, but it was too quiet for Ben to understand clearly, even though he knew what the droid had said.

“BB-8, that’s a good name for a droid. My name is Rey.”

BB-8 chirped a response and Ben heard the girl, Rey, chuckle lightly.

“It’s very nice to meet you too, even if the circumstances aren’t great.”

Both parties fell silent save for quiet sounds of Rey moving around. Ben stared out at the horizon, now barely visible in the darkness. The stars had come out a while since, but a haze obscured them. Ben found himself idly wondering if the haze was just residual heat and sand or comprised of something else.

“So, what’s with your friend out there,” Ben heard Rey say from inside.

Ben turned his head slightly so he could hear the conversation better.

BB-8 took a long moment to respond and then asked a question, “what do you mean?”

“I mean, why’d he show up here? Why’s he trying to take me with him? I just don’t understand.”

BB-8’s response was a little more somber than was typical, but the situation felt right for it. “I don’t know why he’s here,” the little droid had responded in binary.

Another moment of silence passed, then Rey spoke again, “something is telling me I should listen to him. That I should go with him and leave Jakku. But I can’t. I’ve got to stay here and wait. For my family.”

A wind picked up, blowing grains of sand against the metal of the craft. The sound obscured whatever response BB-8 had made.

“They’ll be back, eventually,” Rey said, “I know they will. I should get some shut eye. Go tell your friend to come inside before a storm picks up and buries him alive.”

BB-8 chirped a quiet, “good night.”

“Good night to you too, BB-8.”

Ben heard BB-8 slowly roll outside and join him.

“I hear what she said,” Ben said softly. “I’m going to stay out here, I’ll be fine.”

BB-8 said something rude and Ben gave them a light smack.

“Watch your language,” Ben said sternly, trying to give BB-8 a scolding look, but failing. He could never be really mad at the droid.

He stroked the droid’s head affectionately. BB-8 made a noise of contentment and leaned into the gesture.

“So, why are you here then?”

BB-8 immediately launched into a hushed story about all that they had experienced since Poe and them had set out from D’Qar a few weeks ago. They explained the secret mission and meeting with some locals here on Jakku, how Poe had acquired a map and then how the First Order had immediately showed up. BB-8 said that Poe had tried to flee, but that his ship had been damaged. The pilot had given BB-8 what they had acquired and sent the droid off into the desert to run. And that is what BB-8 had done; they had run into the desert and just kept going for a few days before getting captured by that scavenger.

“Wait, you guys actually found a map- THE map to Uncle Luke?” Ben asked, looking at the droid in shock.

BB-8 nodded enthusiastically and made as if they were going to open a compartment to show Ben something. Ben quickly placed a hand over BB-8’s storage compartment and glanced around fearfully.

“Don’t. Not here, it’s not safe. We can look at it when we get back to the resistance.”

BB-8 beeped an apology.

“It’s ok, you were excited, I understand. You should go back inside before the sand gums up your circuits. I’m going to sleep out here.”

BB-8 made an annoyed noise, but complied with Ben’s request, rolling back inside the structure. Ben watched them go, then he turned his eyes skyward. Poe was likely up there, captured by the First Order. Ben shuddered to think about what they were doing to his best friend. Nothing good, that was for sure.

Another gust of wind blew sand in Ben’s face. He grimaced and curled up on the sand in the crook of the walker’s leg joint to try and avoid the wind. This was going to be a long night.

\---

A sharp jab to the side woke Ben the next morning. Startled, he smacked at whatever had touched him and tried to scramble away. That was, of course, ineffective because he was already pressed into a corner. Ben pulled his hood back and squinted up at his assailant.

Rey was staring down at him with a look of amusement and minor annoyance.

“Come on, get up. I’ll take you and BB-8 to town, I have to go anyway, but then you’re on your own.”

Ben rubbed the remaining sleep (and sand) from his eyes and got up. Rey was already making her way over to a speeder that had not been there the night before. Ben watched as she checked the rigging on a net that looked to be filled with scrap metal. BB-8 rolled over to Ben and said good morning before going over to Rey.

Ben chuckled lightly at the droid. Always making friends that one.

Rey climbed onto her speeder and fired up the engine. Ben took it as the signal it was and moved toward the craft. Rey engaged the throttle of the ship and took off at slow, but brisk pace. Ben had to jog to keep up with the craft, even though he knew the way. They made it to town much faster than the journey Ben had taken to Rey’s home the day before. He figured he had been led astray in his own trek. Rey parked her speeder and jumped down.

“Right, here we are. Good luck finding your friend,” Rey said, mostly to BB-8.

She released the straps on the cargo net on her speeder and it fell to the sand with a thud and clank of metal knocking together. She grabbed one end of it and started to drag it across the sand, but stopped to look at Ben, who had not moved.

“What are you doing? Leave.”

“No, I’m not going anywhere without you.”

Rey groaned in annoyance and frustration. She just started dragging her haul of things toward what appeared to be a market. Ben and BB-8 followed her. Ben could feel the Rey’s frustration, but he was too stubborn to give up. As they got closer to the building, Ben drew his hood up. While it wasn’t super likely he would be recognized, it was still possible. Of course, if either of them was going to be recognized, it would be BB-8, but Ben held on hope that the First Order had not seen the droid. Rey joined a line of other scavengers. There were people of all sorts of races here. Ben wondered what drew such a varying lot to this place. Probably its isolation. The line moved slowly and eventually Rey, with Ben and BB-8 in tow, reached the front. Rey placed her items on the counter and a rather larger and grotesque man looked them over critically.

“Let me see here,” the man said consideringly. “One half portion.”

As the man turned away from the window, Ben felt a wave of disappointment and frustration come from Rey.

“Last week they were a half portion each,” Rey said weakly.

“What about the droid?” the man said, cutting off anything else Rey may have said.

Rey glanced down at BB-8. Ben sensed an uncomfortable amount of desire coming from the man behind the counter. He wanted BB-8. That wasn’t going to happen.

“The droid is not for sale,” Ben said, waving his hand in a minute ark.

The man behind the counter straightened up, his eyes partially glazed. “The droid is not for sale,” he parroted back at Ben.

Rey’s head snapped around to stare at Ben in confusion, but Ben ignored her.

“You will give her one half portion for each item, it is only fair,” Ben said, waving his hand again.

“I’ll give her one half portion for each item. It’s only fair,” the man mumbled, turning to grab the food rations and set them on the counter.

Rey stepped forward and took them, eyeing the man and Ben cautiously. As Rey stepped back, Ben spoke lowly to her, “let’s get out of here quickly. He might snap out of it and then we’re toast.”

Rey didn’t argue. She just turned and hurried from the structure. The three walked into the adjoining market.

“What did you do back there?” Rey asked in a whisper.

“Jedi mind trick. Only works on weak minds; gets them to do what you want. I’ve never been very good at it, so I wasn’t sure if it would hold on that guy.”

“Jedi-mind-what?” Rey asked.

Before Ben could respond, BB-8 started panickedly beeping. Rey and Ben turned and saw a masked man trying to bag the droid.

“Oi!” Rey shouted, immediately rushing to BB-8’s aid and kicking the man away.

Another two men materialized before Ben could react. One grabbed Rey and the other went for Ben. Bad idea. Ben was too heavy for his attacker to pickup, which he futily tried. Ben pitched forward, using the man’s own grip against him, and threw the man on the ground. Ben looked up and found Rey fighting off her own attacker. She got him off her, but by that point the first man was up.

“Look out!” Ben said.

Rey ducked out of the way just in time as Ben’s fist flew past and connected with the other man’s face. There was a sickening crunch and the man collapsed to the ground.

“Behind you,” Rey said.

Ben dodged out of the way and Rey hit the next attacker with her staff. The two fell into a weirdly synchronization as they subdued the remaining two men. Once the last man fell, they both surveyed the scene, ensuring that the men would stay down.

BB-8 made a noise, reminding Rey and Ben of the droid’s existence.

Rey rushed over and removed the bag that had been thrown over the droid. 

“Are you ok?” Rey asked.

BB-8 chirped an affirmative and then asked who those men had been.

Rey glanced at the fallen bodies.

“They look like Unkar’s men. That’s the guy who pays for parts. He must have snapped out of that mind thing Ben did. I guess he really wanted you.”

Ben sighed inwardly. It wasn’t the first time one of his Jedi mind tricks had failed. At least they had gotten somewhat far away from this Unkar before it happened.

BB-8 turned their head, probably just to look around the market, and then made a startled noise. They loudly beeped out something along the lines of “that man stole Poe’s jacket!”

Rey and Ben looked in the same direction that BB-8 was. Immediately, Ben’s eyes settled on a young man. The man was wearing a worn brown jacket and staring at them in confusion. Ben wasn’t certain from this distance, but the jacket did resemble Poe’s.

Before Ben knew what was happening, Rey had sprinted off, chasing the man, with BB-8 hot on her heels.

“Hey, wait!” Ben called after them.

The four of them weaved through the market haphazardly. Rey was very fast, and Ben soon found himself having lagged behind enough to get lost. He skidded to a halt and looked around, trying to find where she had gone. The many stalls made it impossible to see very far in any direction. A commotion drew his attention and Ben headed in the direction of the noise. He found Rey, BB-8 and the strange man. The man was on the ground and Rey was pointing her staff at him in a fashion that Ben was very familiar with.

“Where did you get that jacket?” Rey demanded.

“What?” the man said.

BB-8 shocked the man in the leg. The man cried out, scrambling away from the droid.

“The jacket,” Rey said again, “this droid says you stole it.”

“Look,” the man said, “I’ve had a pretty messed up say, alright?”

Ben sighed heavily and stepped forward. He waved Rey down and she begrudgingly lowered her weapon.

“I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for all of this,” Ben said. He loomed over the man and made a show of placing his hand on the hilt of his lightsaber.

The man looked Ben up and down, his eyes lingering briefly on the lightsaber hilt, before looking back at Rey and BB-8.

“I’d really appreciate it if you’d all stop accusing me of stea- Ow! Stop it!”

BB-8 had cut the man off by shocking him again.

“BB-8 that is enough!” Ben said sternly. “Now, will you please explain where you got hold of my best friend’s jacket?”

The man looked between Ben and BB-8 before sighing heavily.

“It belonged to Poe Dameron. That was his name, right?”

Something about the man’s phrasing made Ben’s stomach twist. BB-8 beeped an affirmative at the man.

The man continued, “he was captured by the First Order. I helped him escape, but our ship crashed. Poe didn’t make it. I’m sorry. I tried to help him, but I was too late.”

It felt like Ben’s heart stopped. No, that wasn’t possible. Poe couldn’t be dead. Ben would have felt it, right? BB-8 made a sad noise and bumped lazily into Ben’s leg. Ben hardly noticed the contact, too caught up in the sudden storm of his own emotions.

“So you’re with the resistance.”

Rey’s voice snapped Ben out of his stupor. The man was giving her a strange look. All at once, he jumped up and got uncomfortably close to her.

“Obviously,” he said with false confidence. “Yes I am. I’m with the Resistance, yeah. I am with the Resistance.”

“No, you’re not,” Ben said immediately. He had never seen this man in his life, and it wasn’t hard to feel the fear he was feeling at being caught in his lie.

Rey and the man both looked at Ben. The man looked fearful for a split second and then opened his mouth to protest. Ben stopped him with a raised hand. Something felt off.

“Look, I don’t care what excuse you’re going to try and give me. We need to leave, now. Something isn’t right-” Ben stopped before he could finish what he had wanted to say. He sensed something very bad very close by.

“Stormtroopers,” both Ben and the man said in conjunction. They shared a confuse glace, before both turning to look between the fabric coverings of the stalls. Sure enough, several First Order stormtroopers were questioning people in the market.

“Shit, we have to go,” Ben said.

“Agreed,” the man said. He grabbed Rey’s hand, despite her protest, and began to run.

The sudden movement must have caught the stormtrooper’s attention because all of a sudden, the four were being shot at. Rey tore her hand from the man’s grip, shouting at him for taking it in the first place, and took the lead. She led them into a fully enclosed tent. Ben was the only human who didn’t need to catch his breath.

“They’re shooting at us, all of us,” Rey said in shock.

“Yeah. They saw you with me. You’re marked.”

“Oh shut up,” Ben snapped, “they shot at us because you bolted like a spooked bantha!”

“You don’t know that!” the man snapped back.

“They wouldn’t have noticed us if you hadn’t started running! There was no way they could have see us where we were!” Ben was starting to lose his temper, which wasn’t a good thing, but he had experienced a hell of a lot in the past few minutes and hadn’t had the time to self-regulate.

The man suddenly shooshed him and grabbed Ben’s arm, dragging him down to the ground next to Rey who had been sitting with BB-8. Ben was about to complain when he heard it. The tell tail whine of TIE-fighters flying low through the atmosphere.

The man grabbed Rey’s hand again, and this time Ben’s as well. Rey and Ben both protested loudly as they were pulled out of the tent. Ben yanked his hand out of the other’s grasp, but followed, nonetheless.

A shot from a TIE-fighter hit a little too close and sent all of them flying. Ben hit the ground hard, but immediately jumped up. He knew he couldn’t afford to stay down for even a second. They needed to get out of there. He looked around for the others and saw Rey getting the other man up.

“We have to go! Move!” Ben shouted, running over and pulling the man roughly to his feet. 

There were at least three TIE-fighters circling the area and firing. This was not good. The three began running again with BB-8 hot on their heels.

“This way!” Rey shouted, taking the lead and heading to what looked like a shipyard.

They got just into the entrance of it when the TIE-fighters circled around for another pass and shot every single ship in the yard, destroying them.

“Come on!” Ben said urgently, turning around and running toward his ship. 

He realized, belatedly, that the ship would not accommodate all of them. What had he even been thinking bringing the damned X-wing?

The group quickly reached the dune behind which Ben had hidden the X-wing. The ship now boasted a layer of dust and sand on every top facing surface. Good, that would provide some cover, granted the TIE pilots hadn’t already spotted them. Ben dropped into a slide at the top of the dune and slid under the ship. Rey and the other man joined him, albeit less gracefully. Then BB-8 joined as well, settling under the part of the ship where they would normally be lifted into droid dock.

Ben, Rey, and the man stared fearfully up at the sky. The TIE-fighters circled the area a few more times, shooting all the while, but never turning in the direction of the X-wing. As the cries of fear and pain ceased coming from the town, the TIEs peeled away and headed back toward space.

Ben allowed himself a sigh of relief, though this was hardly over.

“We need to get off this planet,” Ben said urgently.

“Well, we aren’t doing it in this ship. It’s too small,” the man said, glancing up at the belly of the X-wing.

Ben groaned loudly in annoyance. “Of course not, do I look stupid? We need to _find_ a ship. Rey, is there another space port on this rock?”

Rey looked a little shell shocked, but she eventually nodded.

“Canar, on the other side of the bad lands. But we’ll never make it before they find us. It’s nearly a full two day’s journey by foot, maybe one and a half if you ran the whole way”

“Damn it. It will have to do. It’s our only chance of survival. We’ll travel at dark. It’ll make it harder for us to be spotted.”

“No, they’ll find us before then. They’re probably scanning for survivors now. We need to move,” the man said.

“Is there somewhere we can hide?” Ben asked, looking at Rey.

“I think I know a place,” Rey said, already moving out from under the ship.

“Wait, they’ll be able to find us wherever we go,” the man said desperately, “we’ll only have a shot if we keep moving. If we stay in one place, they’re sensors will have an easier time picking us out.”

Ben gave the man a considering look. He seemed to know an awful lot about these troops. But there wasn’t time for that contemplation, or even to see if the answer was floating on the outer reaches of the man’s mind.

“No, we will be safe there,” Rey said, “they’re scanners won’t be able to find us. Trust me.”

“We have no other choice. Let’s go,” Ben said, getting to his feet.

Rey nodded and they started a mad dash across the desert. Ben could tell the stranger they had picked up hesitated before following.

It was not a pleasant journey, running across the sand full tilt, but they had no other option. It was that or capture and/or death at the hands of the First Order. Eventually, they came upon the looming wreck of an old Star destroyer. Rey led the way in, through one of the engine funnels and down a gap in the plating. BB-8 had a bit of a rough time with the few drops they went down as Rey led the group deeper and deeper into the crashed ship. Soon though, she stopped at a door.

“In here,” she said, wrenching the nonfunctioning automatic door open. The space beyond was small and dark and didn’t look big enough to contain three grown adults and a droid. But there wasn’t another option.

The stranger began to protest, but Ben pushed him inside the space. Rey and BB-8 squeezed in as well. When Rey had difficulty trying to close the door, Ben raise his hand and closed it using the Force. A relative silence fell on the four then, the only sound their ragged breathing. It was definitely close quarters in what must have been at one point a storage closet. Or a solitary confinement cell.

“You’re sure they won’t find us here?” the stranger said eventually.

“Yes, they’re scanners won’t be able to find us in this place. Trust me, I have experience.”

Without meaning to, Ben seemed to tap into Rey’s mind and was witness to a brief, but vivid, memory of her hiding here as a child. She had been very afraid of whoever was trying to find her. They wanted to do bad things to the young girl, really bad things. Ben pulled himself out of the memory and Rey’s mind. He had always been a little too good at seeing other’s thoughts and getting into their heads. He hated doing it though, it always felt like a totally violation for him to do it.

“You have the Force,” the stranger said all of a sudden.

The statement caught Ben a little off guard. Not because of the subject matter really, but more because of the tone of the man’s voice.

“Yes, I’m a Jedi,” Ben responded, “what even is your name?”

“FN- Uh, Finn. My name’s Finn.”

The man was only sort of telling the truth, from what Ben could tell, but he wasn’t going to push it. The man seemed fearful of him, so best to keep him distracted.

“What do we do from here?” Ben asked, directing the question at Rey, though it was impossible for her to see him in the dark.

“We’re screwed if we leave here, if it’s really true that scanners can’t find us,” Finn said.

“We can travel at night,” Rey said. “If we’re lucky, there’ll be a sandstorm. It will provide visual cover and block any scanning equipment from seeing us.”

“From the static, yes,” Ben chimed in. “But it’ll be dangerous.”

“We don’t really have another option,” Rey responded.

Ben hummed in agreement. “I could try using the Force to create a sort of bubble around us as we go.”

“You have the Force,” Finn said again, as if making the realization for the first time.

“Yes, I do,” Ben said wearily, “as I said, I’m a Jedi.”

“I’m not going with him.”

“What?” Rey and Ben both said at the same time.

“What am I even doing in here right now? He’s a monster!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ben asked, genuinely confused. He’d been called many things as a Jedi, but it had been a long time since anyone had called him a monster.

“All that shit you do, torturing people and your weird cult.”

“Ok, slow down. Where did you hear this? Jedi don’t torture people, and it’s not a cult.”

Finn didn’t respond. Something occurred to Ben then, but he kept it to himself. It wouldn’t be good, probably, if he revealed this man to be part of the Enemy.

“Look, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m with the resistance ok? I’m one of the good guys.”

There was another pause, then Finn spoke at last, “so you know about the map then and where to take it.”

Ben was slightly thrown by the question, but he figured Poe had blabbed or something. Leave it to the loose lipped pilot to give away confidential information.

“Yes, BB-8 told me about it. And I do know where the base is. We just need to get a ship and I can take us there.”

“Fine,” Finn said, though he didn’t sound happy.

“What map?” Rey asked.

“A map to Luke Skywalker. At least I hope it is, or else this was a lot of trouble to go to for nothing,” Ben responded. His chest tightened as he remembered what Finn had said about Poe. But now wasn’t the time for that, Ben could grieve later. Right now they needed to focus of getting out of here alive.

“The Luke Skywalker? I thought he was a myth.”

Ben chuckled. “No, he’s very much real. I’d know, he trained me AND he’s my uncle.”

“Oh,” was all Rey responded.

No one said another word for quite some time. Time seemed not to pass in the cramped dark space. After what felt like an eternity, distant howling of what must have been the wind picked up.

“Oh thank goodness,” Rey said, breaking the silence. “It’s a storm, and a big one by the sounds of it. We should make a break for it. It’s going to take a while to get to Canar.”

Ben and Finn seemed to silently agree as they both moved at once to try and open the door. That of course didn’t work, so Ben just used the Force again. The three humans spilled out into the hallway in an unorganized heap. BB-8 chirped in amusement.

Ben, Rey, and Finn untangled themselves and got back to their feet.

Then they started the long and painful journey out into the storm and across the desert to Canar.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Hux has a nightmare about the attempted rape. Skip the first 6 paragraphs after the italics start to skip it. I promise this will be the last time I include it, anything further will just be mentions.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy this one! 
> 
> P.S. my littlest brother's name is Fynn which makes it hard to spell Finn's name correctly sometimes lol

The sun hung high and hot in the sky by the time Ben, Rey, Finn, and BB-8 finally stumbled into the outskirts of Canar. The town was much smaller than Niima Outpost, only boasting a couple of tent-like huts and a fenced in area that seemed to serve as the space port. The relative multitude of people that milled around in comparison to the small number of structures suggested that most, if not all, people lived outside of the “town”. Like Niima Outpost, this place must just be for trading goods.

“Water,” Finn rasped.

Rey nodded immediately in agreement and started for one of the huts. Finn and Ben trudged after her with BB-8 rolling behind. Ben was not experiencing the effects of thirst as intensely as Finn, or even Rey who was accustomed to living in this place, seemed to be. It was just one thing he could thank his Jedi training for. Ben was, however, absolutely exhausted from their journey across the Badlands.

Not only had the four of them run most of the way, only slowing or stopping when necessary to briefly rest, but Ben had kept up a protective “bubble” around them with the Force. He wasn’t able to shield them fully from the raging winds and blistering sand, but it had been enough for them to remain alive and moving. The effort of keeping up such an act for most of the night had drained Ben to the very last of his reserves and now he was struggling to keep going.

Rey emerged from the little hut she had gone into. She held three small containers of water in her arms, which she passed to Ben and Finn, keeping one for herself. The three opened the containers and drained them at once.

“Is there more?” Finn asked.

Rey shook her head. “No, this is all I could get for my rations.”

“You didn’t have to trade those. I could have gotten us water,” Ben said.

“No offence, but I would rather trade food than risk getting beat up again because one of your magic tricks didn’t last long enough.”

Ben felt the tips of his ears heat and he nodded in understanding. Rey had a valid point.

“We should get going,” Finn said.

“Right,” Ben said, looking around at the town more fully.

He could clearly see what served as the space port. It was little more than fenced in patch of sand with a handful of ships in it. There only seemed to be two big enough to accommodate all four of them. As they got closer, it became evident that the ships were both old and in disrepair. It would be a miracle if they even started.

“How are we supposed to get off the ground in one of those things, let alone out run the First Order?” Finn asked.

“I’ll make it work. You are talking to the Resistance’s second-best pilot- well, best pilot now, I guess. Any way. Leave the flying and haggling to me,” Ben said.

Rey and Finn shared a look, which Ben chose to ignore. There was a largeish hut connected to the space port that Ben assumed served as part of it. He motioned for the others to stay put and ducked past the curtain that led inside. 

Inside were a few tables with chairs and a counter that must serve as a bar. The only other person inside was a woman behind the counter. She gave Ben a suspicious look as he approached.

“What do you want?” she asked harshly.

“My friends and I are seeking passage off this planet. I was wondering if one of those ships in the yard was for hire, or sale?”

If there was one thing besides flying that Ben was good at, it was bartering. Han had unintentionally taught the skill to Ben at a young age, and Ben had gotten very good at it. Leia, of course, was not exactly pleased with Han for giving the boy such a skill, as Ben would attempt to use it to persuade his mother into giving him what he wanted. It was like having two Han Solos in the house, she said at times. Leia had drawn a hard line when Han had tried to take Ben smuggling with him. She would not have her son be put in danger with what she called a, “ridiculous and unnecessary stunt.” Ben had been disappointed at first, but quickly forgot it. He was just a young child at the time after all and there were bigger things he had to worry about, like his growing abilities in the Force and his loneliness.

“Maybe. You got something to trade for passage?”

“Not on me, but I can reimburse the ship owner handsomely once we reach our destination.”

The woman narrowed her eyes. “No payment, no ship.”

“Are you the owner of the ships? If not, who is so I can talk to them?”

The woman sighed heavily. “I own one of the ships. But I’m not giving it without payment, and a lot of payment at that. Right now.”

Ben opened his mouth again but was cut off by shouting outside. He looked in the direction of the sound briefly. That better have not been Finn or Rey getting trouble, or worse; the First Order.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” Ben said, flashing the woman a smile. She just rolled her eyes.

Ben exited the hut and looked around for the source of the commotion. He spotted it soon enough and breathed a sigh of relief. Two large men were struggling to subdue a smaller man. The smaller man, despite looking very tattered and rough, was holding his own remarkably well. Ben stood watching, waiting to see if he would need to step in and settle the situation. There was something about the man that seemed familiar to Ben, but he couldn’t place it. Then, when the man landed a sharp left hook into the jaw of one of his opponents, it clicked.

“No,” Ben muttered under his breath. There was no way it was who he thought it was.

Ben rushed over immediately.

“That’s enough fellas!” Ben shouted.

The three men stopped fighting to look at Ben, one having gotten a strong grip on the smaller man.

“Ben?” the smaller man asked.

“Poe,” Ben breathed. It was Poe. Somehow, he was here and he was _alive_.

Ben looked at the two men, who were glaring at him. 

“Whatever he’s done, it is of no consequence. You don’t want to waste your energy on him. You want to return to whatever you were doing before.” 

The men stiffened slightly at Ben’s suggestion. The one holding Poe released his grip and the two men turned and left, muttering to themselves. Hopefully, the suggestion would hold. 

Poe dropped to the ground rather ungracefully but was quickly back on his feet. He watched the two other men lumber off. 

“You didn’t need to do that, I was handling the situation,” Poe said. 

Ben pulled his friend into a crushing hug wordlessly. 

“Whoa buddy, good to see you too,” Poe said, patting Ben’s back. “Uh, could you let go though? You’re squeezing me a bit tight.” 

“I thought you were dead, you bastard.” Ben did not let go of Poe if anything he hugged him tighter. 

“Ben, buddy, please let go, I can’t breathe,” Poe wheezed. 

Ben did let go then. “Sorry.” 

“Poe?” 

Finn had come over and was staring at Poe in disbelief. Ben saw Poe’s eyes light up at the sight of Finn. 

“Finn! You’re ok!” 

Poe and Finn embraced, then BB-8 rushed over, beeping excitedly. Poe stepped back from Finn and knelt to greet the droid enthusiastically. After a moment, he looked up at Finn and Ben. 

“I see you found my droid, and my best friend,” Poe said to Finn with a big grin. Then he turned his attention to Ben, “but what are you doing here?” 

“It’s a long story. Care to explain how you’re not dead?” 

“Right,” Poe said, standing. “I was thrown from the crash. I assume Finn told you about that? Anyway, I woke up in the desert at night, but I couldn’t find the ship or Finn. I wandered the desert for a while, and eventually made it here. I was trying to get a ship before you interrupted.” 

Ben scoffed. “Yeah, right. You were not handling that very well.” 

“Hey!” 

Ben held up a hand, silencing his best friend. “Leave the ship to me, ok? Before you actually get yourself killed.” 

Poe just shrugged. Ben shook his head and turned back to the shipyard hut. Everything in him wanted to celebrate Poe’s “return” from the dead and tell him everything that had happened, but they needed to get to safety first. 

Ben had to use only a little Jedi persuasion, and the X-wing he had brought to Jakku, to get the woman to agree to give him her ship. She wasn’t thrilled about the X-wing being so far away, but the ship would fetch a high price for her. Or an easier escape from the planet. The ship Ben had acquired was an old transport shuttle that looked like it hadn’t flown in years and probably didn’t have a hyperdrive. 

The group of now five quickly boarded the shuttle. Ben and Poe went straight for the cockpit and settled down at the controls. 

“This this doesn’t have hyperdrive, Ben,” Poe said, despairingly. 

“I can see that. We’ll have to make do. Think you can outrun the First Order in this rust bucket?” Ben asked with a teasing grin. 

Poe smirked back at him. “You bet I can.” 

“Right, let do this then.” 

The ship had a false start, but soon the engines roared to life and Poe was able to get it to lift of the ground. Finn and Rey joined them in the cockpit and watched silently as the ship climbed through the atmosphere and into open space. 

“There’s nothing out here,” Rey muttered. 

“That’s not true, the Finalizer is probably just on the other side of the planet. We aren’t safe yet.” 

“Finn’s right,” Poe chimed in. “I’m gonna try to get this bucket of bolts moving as fast as I can, but it’s going to be tricky if we are spotted. You two should go find somewhere to sit down; I don’t know how well the inertial dampeners will work on this thing. It’s not built to go fast.” 

Finn and Rey went back into the main body of the ship and found seats. The transport had been mostly gutted, probably to haul cargo as opposed to people, but there were still a few of the original passenger seats remaining. 

Poe looked over at Ben then. “You ready for this?” 

“You know I am,” Ben responded with a cocky grin. 

This was going to be tricky, but fun. Ben loved flying with Poe. 

Poe gunned the engine and the transport shot off his astonishing speed for the old sublight engines it had. Ben kept his eye on the scanners, looking for any approaching ships. 

“Shit, Poe, on the left,” Ben said, spotting a ship on the scanners. 

Poe craned his neck to look out of the viewport. 

“Oh kriff. It’s the star destroyer. Let’s hope they don’t see us.” 

Ben looked out the viewport too and saw the hulking ship. It was coming around the planet and it was a bone chilling sight when one was sitting in a ship that couldn’t even go lightspeed. 

“Can you force anything else out of these engines?” Poe asked. 

“I can try, but I’ll have to bypass a few systems. We won’t be able to hold speed very long.” 

“Won’t need to. By the time they go out, we will be far enough away. I hope. And you can fix anything my fine friend.” 

Ben rolled his eyes at his friend and got up. “You’ll have to manage on your own.” 

“I think I can handle that. Just don’t be too long.” 

Ben headed into the back of the ship. Rey and Finn watched as Ben passed them and went straight for the very rear of the ship. He tore open an access panel and stared at the wires, then tore open another panel. 

“What are you doing?” Rey asked. 

“Trying to find power relays for nonessential systems. I’m going to boost the engines to try and get us out of here.” 

“But that will cripple us.” 

“I know, but there’s a star destroyer out there and if they see us, we are done for.” 

“Well, you aren’t going to find what you need looking there.” 

Ben turned to look at Rey. What the hell was she talking about? This is where the relays should be. Rey must have not seen his look as she turned and went over to a different part of the ship. Ben watched as she started trying to lift up one of the floor panels. 

“Let me help with that,” Ben said, going over to her. 

With Ben’s help, the two wrenched the panel free and revealed more wires. Rey reached her hand into the mess and felt around for a moment. Then she yanked on something, hard, and the lights went out. 

“What the kriff are you doing back there!?” Poe shouted from the cockpit. 

“Sorry!” Rey shouted back. “Didn’t mean to get that one first.” 

A light came on nearby and Ben turned to see Finn wielding a portable light. 

“Come over here,” he said to Finn. “Help us figure this out.” 

Finn walked over and held the light over the hole in the floor. Rey was still rummaging around in the wires and pipes. 

“That can’t be where all of the relays are,” Ben said. 

“They aren’t, the rest are on the other side, but those are essential. You’ll need to bypass these at the main engine panel in the back. I can’t do it from here.” Rey punctuated her sentence by pulling out another relay. 

Ben nodded and went to the panel and started splicing, using the Force to identify the right connections in the dark. He had to hand it to the scavenger, she knew a heck of a lot about ships. Soon, Ben and Rey had all the non-essential systems bypassed straight into the engine power supply. 

“Stay here incase anything shorts,” Ben said. 

Rey nodded and Ben headed back into the cockpit. Poe gave him a questioning look, but Ben ignored it. He checked through the various readouts. 

“Ok, we’ve just got engines and life support now. We’re flying blind.” 

“Kriff,” Poe said under his breath, hitting several controls. “You really like making things hard on me, don’t you?” 

“Just fly the damn ship.” 

Poe laughed and gunned the ship again. It accelerated to a decent speed and they were soon flying out of the star system. The engine lasted all of five minutes after that. 

“And that’s that,” Poe sighed. “Hopefully, it was enough until you can fix it.” 

“I hope I can fix it, or we’re screwed. I’m not sure this thing has rations on it.” 

Ben returned to the back of the ship and found Rey already working on things. He watched her for a moment before joining in. Most of the wiring was fried and there was little wiggle room to splice new connections. There were also very few tools and the only light source was the one Finn had found and subsequently attached to the ceiling. The light offered only a tiny amount of illumination and it made for slow work. 

“Rey, can you pass me the bonding tape?” Ben asked at one point. They had to have been working for an hour now with little progress. 

Rey’s response was cut off by a loud clanging from outside of the ship. The three in the back froze immediately. 

“What was that?” Finn asked in a fearful whisper. 

Ben hushed him and dashed to the cockpit. Poe was staring up through the viewport and Ben joined him. They were being towed into another ship. 

“Shit,” Ben said. 

“Out of the frying pan an into the fire,” Poe muttered. “Any blasters in this thing?” 

\--- 

_The room was dark when Hux entered. This wasn’t a typical darkness though. This darkness was thick and oppressive; not even the light from the hall outside could penetrate it. The door to the room slid shut the moment Hux crossed the threshold. He turned and tried to open the door again, but found it jammed. So, he was stuck in the darkness then. Hux could handle this. He wasn’t afraid of the dark like some child._

_“That’s a very foolish way of thinking,” the voice of Kovos rasped through the darkness._

_All at once, that oppressive darkness closed in on Hux, holding him tightly in its grasp. It was as if the walls had come in to form a skintight coffin around the General. Even breathing was difficult and Hux found himself gasping for air. All the while, Kovos laughed that terrible laugh of his._

_Something hot and wet slid up the length of Hux’s throat and a harsh whisper sounded in his ear, “let’s have some fun.”_

_“NO!” Hux bellowed, pouring all his hate and fear into the single word._

_There was a feeling like a great surge of wind that emanated from Hux and forced Kovos and the darkness away. Hux was left standing in an empty room, the light in which was still dim, but normal for Hux’s quarters. What scant light that filtered in from the viewport that lined one wall was enough to clearly see the whole room by. The stars stood out brilliantly against the black of space._

_Hux surveyed the room, looking to see if he was actually alone. Nothing seemed amiss. The sheets on his bed were tucked in crisply, and nothing was hiding behind or under any of the furniture. Hux let out a sigh of relief and went over to a cabinet in the wall. He pulled down a decanter of whiskey and a glass. He poured himself two fingers of the amber liquid and raised the glass to his mouth with a trembling hand._

_The rim of the glass had barely touched his lip when warm hands settled on Hux’s shoulders from behind. Acting instinctively, the General spun around and smashed the glass he was holding against the side of the head of his assailant._

_The man who had touched him stumbled to the side and backwards, eventually losing his footing and falling to the ground. Hux’s heart was pounding in his throat. It was Kovos again, it had to be. The man on the ground had the same general build and long dark hair. The man reached up and touched his bleeding head gingerly, drawing the hand back to look at the blood it had picked up. Then the man looked up at Hux._

_“What the kriff was that for!?” a smooth deep voice questioned, which very much did not belong Kovos._

_Hux stared at the man in confusion. He was a total stranger; Hux had never seen him before. There were similarities in his face to Kovos, like the dark eyes and angular jaw, but it was definitely not the same man. This man looked younger. Most importantly, his face wasn’t distorted by evil. He was actually quite attractive. How the hell had he gotten into Hux’s quarters?_

_The man placed his palm against the side of his head again, appearing to apply pressure, but wincing at the contact on his broken flesh. Something compelled Hux to move and he found himself going for the medical kit that hung by his door. He tore it down from the wall and knelt by the bleeding stranger._

_“Let me help,” Hux said softly to the man._

_The man eyed him suspiciously but withdrew his hand from the bleeding area. Hux examined the wound visually and was glad to see no glass embedded in the flesh. He opened the medical kit and took out an absorbent pad. He unpackaged the thing and pressed it against the man’s wound. The man flinched a little bit but did not attempt to move away._

_“Hush, the stinging will go away soon enough. Just have to get the bleeding stopped. Luckily, it was just whiskey in that glass, otherwise I would need to sterilize the wound.”_

_The man huffed out a humorless laugh. “Yeah, right, like that’s my worry right now; my head getting infected. Not that some jumpy ginger smashed a glass of whiskey into it.”_

_Hux had to hand it to the man, he had some nerve speaking to the General that way._

_“Do you know who I am?” Hux asked._

_“Nope, not the slightest clue,” the man responded._

_For some reason, Hux didn’t feel like he should reveal his identity to the man. Hux pulled the cloth away from this man’s head and was relieved to see the wound wasn’t bleeding. In fact, it was nonexistent now, but that didn’t seem significant to Hux._

_“There, all better.”_

_The man reached up and touched his now healed head with a hand that had previously been covered in blood but was now clean._

_“Thanks, I guess. Though you did create the wound.”_

_Hux just shrugged and packed up the medical kit. He stood to put it back by the door and dispose of the soiled cloth. When he turned back around, the man was now standing._

_Hux could now see that this man was physically larger than Kovos. He was just a touch taller than Kovos, who happened to be the same height as Hux. The man was also broader and Hux imagined that a well-toned physique was hidden under the loose clothing the stranger wore. Most importantly, this man didn’t exude a miasma of evil. He seemed almost harmless._

_“So, who are you exactly? Or should I just call you Ginger?” the man asked with a playful smirk._

_“Ar- Brendol, you can call me Brendol,” Hux responded. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to go by his middle name, his father’s name. There was still just something about this man that felt unsafe, like Hux would be putting himself in danger for revealing his true identity._

_“I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, Brendol, but that would be a lie. Isn’t exactly nice getting glass shattered against your skull as a first introduction.”_

_Hux scoffed. “You shouldn’t have startled me then. What were you thinking, putting your hands on my shoulders without warning like that? I’d say you were asking for it.”_

_Everything was different then. Hux was laying in his own bed with a familiar, but still foreign, body draped over him. Both men were naked. His fingers were carding through long, soft, dark hair and there was an air of calm that hung over the moment._

_“Hmm?” the man whose hair Hux was playing with intoned._

_For the life of him, Hux could not remember what he had just said._

_“Nothing, love. Go back to sleep,” Hux found himself saying._

_The man took a deep breath and sighed, relaxing fully. The moment was serine. Hux couldn’t imagine doing anything else._

_“There you are.”_

_Hux’s head snapped around to see Kovos standing by his bed with a wicked smile on his face. Hux looked back down, only to see the other man had vanished. It was just him and Kovos now._

_“Just as it should be,” Kovos growled. He let out a wicked laugh as he slowly approached the bed and Hux tried to scramble away._

Hux snapped awake, immediately sitting upright. 

“Lights to full!” Hux ordered. 

The room was at once filled with blinding light as the vocal command system obeyed his order. Hux looked about the room but saw nothing save for the furniture. He was alone. Thank the stars. His heart was racing and Hux found himself covered head to toe and a cold sweat. But he was alone and unscathed. That was all that really mattered. Those disturbing events had just been a nightmare. 

Hux took a moment to control his breathing before he pulled himself out of bed; there was no way he was going to get more sleep despite whatever hour it may be. He went immediately to the refresher connected to his quarters and got into the shower. Might as well start his day if he wasn’t going to sleep. Once he was bathed and dried, Hux went to his wardrobe, a towel held firmly around his waist. He dressed in his uniform, his armor, meticulously putting on each of the many layers and ensuring every one was crisp and perfectly aligned. Then he returned to the refresher and fixed his hair and shaved. 

He then walked to his desk and sat down. Picking up his datapad, Hux saw it was only a couple of hours before he would normally wake. Not early enough that he would be exhausted before the day was over, good. Hux also saw that he had an encrypted message waiting for him on the device. He opened it and entered the memorized passcode to decrypt the document. It was a response from the resistance in relation to his message about the escaped pilot. It just read an affirmative and a thank you. Hux hadn’t really expected more, but it was a little odd that they seemed to be following his suggestion to not send a rescue. Well, maybe they were going to do so and had decided to just not tell Hux. He wouldn’t blame them; they didn’t exactly know if they could trust Hux with that information. Hux didn’t even know if he could be trusted with that information. 

Hux deleted the message and opened the log for the night shift and began reading through it. There would be a brief for him in the morning, but Hux wanted to know everything that was going on on the planet. This base was his brainchild after all, he wanted its completion to be running smoothly. Starkiller had to be perfect. It was going to be the greatest weapon ever created. It was going to make the First Order so strong that no one would have a hope of defeating it. So why did Hux feel sick to his stomach thinking about it? 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially my longest fic ever! And the action is just getting started ;) Buckle up for the long road because this roller coaster is just getting started. Enjoy!

Ben had quickly ushered everyone into the cockpit of the transport and closed the door. It wasn’t much of a hiding space, but it would give them some protection and time while Ben held off whoever had captured them. Poe had resisted, but eventually relented when Ben insisted he was Rey, Finn, and BB-8’s best defense if Ben went down and the only way to ensure the map would get back to the Resistance. So Ben found himself standing beside the entry hatch of the ship with his back pressed firmly against the wall and his lightsaber held tightly in his hand, thumb poised over the ignition button.  
The transport settled down in the hangar of whatever ship had captured them with a jarring thud. Ben was glad he was bracing against the wall, otherwise he may have fallen over with the force of impact. Ben strained his ears to hear what was happening outside of the ship. He heard various clanking and clanging noises that he couldn’t quite place. Then there was the distinct hiss of an airlock. Ben tightened his grip on his lightsaber and waited.

Soon, there was a banging on the transport’s airlock. It stopped after a moment and there was silence. Then Ben heard a blaster bolt hit the door followed closely by a small explosion that broke the seal. Ben pressed himself flatter against the wall.

The door was yanked open and a man hoisted himself up into the ship. The man looked around the dark space, somehow managing to not see Ben. But that was expected Ben realized as he recognized the man.

“Dad?”

Han Solo turned abruptly, drawing his blaster in the process, and aiming it at Ben. Ben almost instinctively activated his lightsaber but refrained from doing so. That would probably get him shot.

“Ben?” Han asked, lowering the weapon slightly. “Is that really you? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question old man,” Ben said, pulling his father into a hug.

Han hesitated a moment before hugging Ben back.

“I thought you were gone,” Han whispered.

Chewbacca loudly interrupted the moment to ask what was happening.

Han huffed in annoyance and let go of Ben.

“It’s alright you big ball of fur. You’re never gonna believe who we just picked up. You better get in here,” Han called out.

Chewbacca poked his head into the ship and looked around. When he saw Ben, he let out an ecstatic noise and stepped inside. Ben didn’t have time to do anything before he was being picked up by the Wookie and hugged tightly.

“Good to see you too Chewie,” Ben strained to say over his lungs being crushed.

Chewie set Ben down and ruffled his hair.

“What are you doing out here alone Ben?” Han asked.

“It’s a long story, and I’m not actually alone.”

Han raised an eyebrow and shared a look with Chewie. Ben shook his head minutely at them. He went over to the cockpit door and knocked loudly on it.

“Poe, it’s safe. We’re with friends,” Ben shouted, hoping it was loud enough to be heard past the door.

The door slid open and Ben was greeted by the muzzle of the single blaster they had managed to find on the transport. Ben smacked it down in disgust.

“Enough of that. I’m not lying, see? We’re safe.” Ben stepped aside so Poe could see Han.

Poe lowered the blaster all the way and his face broke into a wide grin.

“Han, Chewie! What are you rascals doing out here?”

Poe hugged both of the others in turn.

“Rescuing your sorry asses, apparently,” Han muttered. “This ship showed up as dead on scanners. What happened?”

Poe turned to look at Ben and Ben gave him a dirty look.

“I crippled the ship to get more power out of the engines,” Ben said, earning a disapproving snort from Han. “We were running from the First Order.”

“Well, that explains it then. Lucky we found you and not the First Order,” Han said, running a hand through his hair.

Rey poked her head around the door into the cockpit. Chewie made a noise in her direction and Han looked up.

“Who’s that?”

Ben and Poe both look and saw Rey and Finn looking at them. Finn seemed to be staring up at Chewie in horror.

“Uh, this is Rey and Finn, some stragglers we picked up on Jakku,” Ben said.

“What were you doing on that junkyard?” Han asked.

“Getting a map to Luke Skywalker,” Poe said.

Han looked sharply at the pilot. “You’ve got to be kidding me. So you were trying to get back to the Resistance then?”

Poe nodded. “We’ve got to get the map back before the First Order can find us. Before they can find Luke.”

Han sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. He looked like he was going to say something more but was interrupted by something clanging outside the transport.

“Crap, don’t tell me a Rathtar’s gotten loose.”

“Wait, did you just say Rathtars?” Finn asked as Han jumped down from the ship.

Finn was the first out after him. “Please tell me you aren’t hauling Rathtars on this freighter.”

Han went over to a control terminal and pushed a few buttons to change surveillance screens. 

“I’m hauling Rathtars,” Han said, still flipping through screens. “Oh great. It’s the Guavian Death Gang. Must have tracked us from Nantoon.”

Han was back at smuggling then. Ben chuckled lightly and shook his head. There was something to be said there about Han’s coping mechanisms, but it hurt Ben too much to think about it as the guilt suddenly set in. He, and everyone else, followed Han as he made his way out of the hangar and into the corridors of the freighter they appeared to be in.

“What’s a Rathtar?” Rey asked.

“They’re big and dangerous,” Han responded.

“We need to hide,” Poe said, pushing past Chewie to walk next to Han.

“Where do you think we’re headed, flyboy?” Han asked with a smirk.

They rounded a corner and Han stopped at a junction of several corridors. The older man knelt and grabbed a handle in the floor. He pulled on it hard, but it didn’t yield. Chewie growled softly and Han let go with an annoyed huff. The Wookie lifted a hatch to reveal a crawlspace, probably used for maintenance. 

“The three of you, get below and stay there until I say so. Ben, you’re staying with me. Could use a Jedi against these guys.”

“What about BB-8?” Rey and Poe said simultaneously.

Han gave them a look before speaking. “The droid stays with me until I get rid of the gang. Then you can have him back-“ BB-8 made a slightly annoyed noise- “alright! You can have _them_ back. Is that better? Anyway, let me deal with these guys and then we’ll see what we can do to get you kids back to the Resistance.”

“What about the Rathtars? Where are you keeping them?” Finn asked.

Something smacked against a viewport in the wall, startling Finn, Poe, and Rey.

Han pointed at the viewport that was now obscured by a razor toothed mouth. “There’s one. Less talk, more hiding.”

Finn all too happily jumped down into the crawlspace and Poe followed him. Rey hesitated though.

“What are you going to do?” she asked.

“What I always do,” Han responded. “Talk my way of it.”

That seemed to satisfy Rey, and she joined the others down below. Chewie closed the hatch on them.

“You know you’re horrible at talking your way out of things, right?” Ben said, as his father started walking.

Han waved him off. “That’s what you and Chewie are for. Persuasion.”

Ben and laughed and followed his father.

They were barely at the next junction when an airlock opened and some mean looking fellows stepped through. Ben detached his lightsaber from his belt and held it firmly in his hand again. Better save than sorry when dealing with the gangs of the galaxy.

One man stepped through the others and stood facing Han.

“Han Solo,” the man said in a rough Core accent. “You’re a dead man.”

“Bala-Tik. What’s the problem?” Han called back.

“The problem is we loaned you 50,000 for this job and haven’t seen anything back. Heard you also borrowed 50,000 from Kanjiklub.”

“You know you can’t trust those little freaks,” Han said with a shrug.

“Tell that to Kanjiklub,” Bala-Tik said.

The airlock at the other end of the corridor opened and Han turned to look. Another group of people, these looking considerably rougher, walked forward, led by a man with long hair.

“Tasu Leech. Good to see you,” Han said, sounding thrown off.

The man with long hair, Tasu Leech, said something that sounded rude in a language Ben didn’t understand.

“We want our investments back Solo,” Bala-Tik said.

“Look, I’ll have your money soon,” Han said, looking between both groups of people. Ben could sense that Han was losing ground. “Hunting Rathtars isn’t cheap. I spent the money, but I was on my way to get it back. When have I not delivered for you guys?”

“Several times,” Bala-Tik said.

Tasu Leech also responded, and Ben could only assume he had said some increment as well. This was feeling worse and worse by the second. Han cringed.

“That droid,” Bala-Tik said before Han could respond. “The First Order is looking for one just like it. And two fugitives.”

That was it. There was no going back from this moment if Ben didn’t do something. He stepped forward, out from behind chewie, and into the empty space in the corridor.

“I implore you to reconsider your stance,” Ben directed the statement to Bala-Tik, his arm holding the lightsaber held so the weapon was clearly visible.

Bala-Tik glanced down at the weapon then back up at Ben. “Who’re you?”

“A Jedi Knight,” Ben said. “And a student of Luke Skywalker’s.”

Bala-Tik took a half step back and Ben could feel his fear. But there was doubt too, and it was strong.

“Bantha shit. The Jedi are extinct. Luke Skywalker is a myth.”

“No, they are very much alive-“ Ben was cut off by the noise of several blast doors clanging open and a series of bloodcurdling shrieks that echoed through the freighter.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Han muttered.

“Kill them!” Bala-Tik shouted. “And take the droid.”

Both gangs raised blasters as Han raised his hands in a stopping gesture, probably trying to negotiate. Ben activated his lightsaber, ready to defend and fight.

Before anyone could fire though, a Rathtar rolled into the corridor behind Bala-Tik and his gang, and another behind the other gang. Ben and Han looked from one beast to the other and then ran down the empty corridor they had come from.

“What the hell just happened!?” Ben shouted as they ran.

“I don’t know!” Han shouted back. He punched a man that had come around a corner and thew him backwards at a Rathtar that had started chase. “This way!” Ben, Chewie, and BB-8 followed as Han darted down a narrow corridor.

Screams and the roar of Rathtars echoed through the Freighter. Han skidded to a stop at an airlock. Ben could see the hangar through the viewport.

“I’ve got the door. Cover me!” Han said just as a few of the gang members appeared around the corner.

Ben drew his lightsaber and stood with Chewie, deflecting blaster bolts, as Han tried to unlock the door. Chewie cried out as a blaster bolt evaded Ben and hit the Wookie in the arm. Ben spared a quick glance at Chewie before grabbing the offending man with the Force and slamming him against the deck plating.

“Chewie! You ok?” Han asked in concern.

“Let’s get out of here,” Ben said.

“The door’s jammed,” Han responded.

Ben huffed in frustration. “Try Chewie’s bowcaster.”

Han nodded deftly and took the weapon from the injured Wookie. He aimed it at the door control panel and fired. The blast was strong, knocking Han back a little bit, and destroyed the panel. The airlock slid open and Ben helped Chewie to his feet.

“Come on,” Han said, ushering the others through the door.

“Where are we going?” Ben asked as they hurried across the darkened hangar.

“The _Falcon_. Come on, it’s just behind that transport you came in.”

Ben scoffed and took one of Chewie’s arms over his shoulders to help the lagging Wookie. Of course, Han still had that old ship.

They rounded the dead transport and there it was. The _Millennium Falcon_. 

“Ben!”

Ben turned his head to see Poe running toward them with Rey and Finn close behind.

“Get Chewie inside,” Han ordered. “You’ll be my copilot-“ Han pointed at Poe- “and you two make sure the door gets closed behind us.”

Ben hauled Chewie inside the ship as everyone else hurriedly followed. He got the Wookie settled in the cantina and went rummaging through piles of junk for a medi-pack. Chewie was loudly complaining and generally making a show of his rather minor injury.

“Give me a damn minute!” Ben shouted. “I can’t find the med-kit in all this crap!”

“You need help?” Ben heard Finn ask.

Ben glanced up at Finn for just a moment then spotted the med-kit. He grabbed it and turned back to Chewie.

“Not unless you want your arms ripped off. Go buckle down,” Ben said.

Finn didn’t respond and Ben was too busy opening the med-kit to look at him. He heard some chatter coming from the cockpit of the ship and felt the jump to lightspeed as he pulled out a bacta patch and some bandages. Chewie had devolved to thrashing and moaning.

“Stop it! I just need to bandage your wound you big baby!”

Chewie said something rude but stopped moving. Ben quickly bandaged the rather minor blaster wound. Then he put the arm up in a sling and swath just to be safe.

“See, all good.”

Chewie examined Ben’s work and thanked him quietly, apologizing for being rash.

Han walked into the cantina then and straight over to Chewie.

“You ok?” he asked the Wookie, looking over what Ben had done.

Chewie nodded and responded that Ben had taken care of him.

“Good, see, not so bad. Good job kid.” Han patted Ben’s shoulder roughly.

“It’s good to see you dad.”

Han gave Ben a long look. “You too kid.”

The tender moment was interrupted by Poe and Rey joining them. It was then Ben noticed that Finn had sat down at the table when Rey joined him.

“Good to see you Mr. Solo,” Poe said. “Can’t say the General is exactly happy with you at the moment. Believe me, with Ben down I got all the ranting.”

“Sounds like Leia to me,” Han said wearily. “I suppose I should take you kids back to D’Qar, huh?”

“That would be nice,” Ben said.

Han looked at his son again. Ben could feel his father’s love for him and disbelief at the sight of Ben standing before him. After a moment, Han turned away and examined the ragtag group.

“So, which two of you are the fugitives then?”

“Me and Finn, technically,” Poe said. “I was tasked with the mission to go to Jakku and get the map to Luke. I got captured by the First Order and Finn helped me escape. Then I found Ben and Rey back on the planet.”

“I see,” Han nodded, giving Ben another probing look that Ben ignored. He had spotted the gaps in Poe’s story. “Well, let’s see this map then.”

Everyone turned to look at BB-8 who made a nervous noise.

“Go ahead buddy,” Poe coaxed.

BB-8 hesitated before rolling into the center of the room and projecting something into the air. The blue projection that floated and flickered in the air was definitely a map, but it was only a fragment. A fragment of a part of the galaxy that Ben had never seen before.

“This map’s not complete. It’s just a piece,” Han sounded disappointed.

Ben noticed that everyone, especially Poe, looked gravely disappointed. Ben waved at BB-8 and the droid took the gesture as Ben had meant it and stopped the projection.

“It doesn’t matter. A fragment of a map is better than nothing. The important thing is the First Order doesn’t have it. We can figure the rest out,” Ben said.

Ben could feel disappointment hanging in the air and couldn’t deny he was sharing in it. It would have been nice to find where his master had disappeared off to for so long.

Shortly after the massacre at the Temple, after Luke had found Ben amongst the rubble bruised and barely alive- the only survivor-, the Jedi had fallen into a deep depression. He had stayed around just long enough to finish Ben’s training, which ended up being much expedited. Then he had vanished into the stars. Ben hadn’t taken it personally, as a first. Luke had blamed the attack on himself, even if Ben tried his hardest to insist it had been _his_ fault, not Luke's. Luke wouldn’t listen to it. He had kept saying how it was fault for not being able to help Ben block out Snoke better and such like that. Eventually the guilt had consumed the Jedi Master and he had left. Ben had tried for a long time to contact Luke, but the man was insistent on staying hidden and silent.

“Have you been using this ship as a storage locker?” Poe asked, sounding disgusted.

Han looked around the cluttered cantina.

“I guess it’s a bit messy in here. I couldn’t exactly use this ship for smuggling anymore. It’s too well known. And too small. So I guess it just kinda fell to the background.”

Poe shook his head and toed a box of spare parts. “It’s a damn shame for such a famous ship to end up in this state. I always wanted the _Falcon_ one day, you know?”

Han laughed. “Yeah, I know. You and Ben both.”

“Wait, this is the _Millennium Falcon_? You must be Han Solo. The Han Solo!” Ray said, standing up and walking over to Han.

Han blinked at the girl. 

“Uh, well, yeah. That’s my name, and this is my ship.”

Rey turned in a circle, really taking the ship in.

“This is the ship that made the Kessel Run in 14 parsecs,” she said in awe.

“Twelve,” Han corrected harshly. He rolled his eyes and started walking back toward the cockpit muttering “fourteen” to himself is an offended tone. 

Rey followed after him like a puppy, which left Ben, Poe, and Finn. Ben looked at Finn, who was staring down at the table in silence, then back at Poe.

“You said he helped you escape the First Order, right?”

Poe nodded. “Finn’s a defector.”

Finn looked up sharply at that, casting a fearful glance in the direction of the cockpit. Ben regarded the man carefully then. So his hunch had been correct.

Ben crossed the room to tower over the other man.

“You’re not going to try and betray us to the First Order, right?” he asked.

Finn visibly gulped and shook his head.

“Good,” Ben said, clapping a hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Welcome to the Resistance, Finn. Now, I’m going to go pass out because I can’t remember the last time I slept.”

Poe snorted out a laugh and wished Ben “good night”. Ben trudged his way to the crew quarters and was relieved to find them empty of junk. He used the refresher and dressed down to just his trousers before climbing into the bunk he had always used as a child. Soon, the familiar hum of the _Falcon_ had lulled Ben into a deep, and much needed, sleep.

\---

Ben woke from a strange vivid dream, about getting attacked by some scrawny ginger, to someone poking him.

“Whazit?” he slurred groggily, rolling over.

“Get up kid. We’re almost back to D’Qar,” Han said.

Ben squinted up at his father for a second then yawned and stretched. He couldn’t stretch very far in the tiny bunk and he soon found his feet and head pressing against the sides of it. Han chuckled at the sight and went to the door.

“Put a shirt on before you come out here. I don’t like how that girl was looking at you.”

“Dad, you know I’m not like that,” Ben retorted, sitting up.

“Yeah, yeah. She still might try to hit on you.”

Ben just scoffed and Han left the room fully. Han had always been the protective sort of father, especially when it came to the concept of anyone trying to date Ben. Unfortunately, Ben coming out as asexual, and later aromantic, did nothing to deter Han. The man had a bad habit of assuming everyone being even slightly friendly to Ben was hitting on him. There had been more than one notable occasion where Han had gotten into a fist fight with some poor unsuspecting person for just that reason.

Ben pulled himself out of bed and used the refresher. He took a moment to look at himself in the mirror. He had slight bags under his eyes and his cheeks were a little shallower than usual. He still needed some time to bounce back from his coma. Luckily, he hadn’t lost too much strength in those six months. That was just short of a miracle in of itself.

Ben pulled his greasy hair back into a messy ponytail and left the refresher. He stared at the pile of cloth on the floor that was his robes. He really didn’t want to put them back on. They had to be filthy from the heat, sand, and how long he had worn them. Ben turned to the weirdly large closet that was attached to the crew quarters. The only time Ben remembered this room not being used as miscellaneous storage was when his mother was traveling on the ship. Then it had been full of her clothes. Now, the room was stacked with crates and boxes, but on one side, the side with a small chest of drawers, was an empty space. There hung a few of Han’s grubby old shirts and next to them, three pairs of Leia’s clothing. The clothes were hung slightly apart from Han’s and looked very neat and clean. It was obvious to Ben that Han had been taking care of them in his mother’s absence. There was no other way the clothes could look so clean, especially with the layer of dust that covered everything else.

Pulling open the chest of drawers, Ben sifted through old mechanical parts and his father’s socks. The first drawer did not yield what Ben was looking for, so he moved onto the next. In there, under a questionable pair of underpants, was a neatly folded shirt and pair of pants. Ben pulled them out. 

The pants were worn and a bit tattered, their once brilliant red stripes now faded. Ben ran his fingers over the old Corellian blood stripes briefly before returning the pants to their drawer. Ben held the shirt up, letting it unfold in the process. The shirt was not as old as the pants, Ben knew this. He had put those clothes there. They were his, well, mostly. Ben pulled on the grey shirt, made mental note that it was slightly tighter than he remembered, and came out of the closet. 

After bundling up his robes into a small satchel and attaching his light saber to his pants, Ben left the crew quarters. He found Chewie and Finn at the dejarik table. The others were not to be seen and Ben assumed that they were all in the cockpit, preparing to land the ship. Ben could tell by the feel of the ship that they had dropped out of lightspeed.

“You should let Chewie win, unless you want to get your arms ripped out of the socket,” Ben said.

Finn glanced up at Ben fearfully, then did a double take. Ben could sense he was put off by the difference in appearance.

Chewie made a noise of agreement, drawing Finn’s attention back in. Ben watched with interest as Finn intentionally made the exactly wrong move that would let the Wookie win the game. He smirked as Chewie rejoiced and made his way to the cockpit.

Just as Ben was expecting, Han, Poe, and Rey were in there with BB-8 in the back. Rey was practically breathing down Han and Poe’s necks as they made preparations to land. Ben could see D’Qar out of the viewport. He stood and watched as the ship descended through the atmosphere and down toward the hidden base. As they circled around to land, Ben could see a greater number of people, more than he had expected, down on the landing strip. Among them, Ben spotted the small, but distinct form of his mother.

The _Falcon_ settled down on the ground with a jolt. Han and Poe shut down the engines. Poe moved to get up and Rey turned around, obviously intent on leaving the cockpit only to find Ben standing in the doorway. She did a double take, just a Finn had done. Ben ignored the look. It was not uncommon for people to do that when they saw him in casual clothing for the first time. He knew he was an attractive person; he just wasn’t interested in anyone.

So it was a shock to say the least when he caught a wisp of disgust coming from Rey. He moved to the side, to let her pass and gave her a confused look. She walked past him without looking at him and there was no mistaking the disgust she was feeling at seeing him. That was a first.

Poe brushed past Ben, giving him a questioning look, BB-8 hot on his heels. He had probably noticed Ben’s confusion. Ben then turned back to his father. Han was standing and staring at Ben. Ben could tell the man was uncomfortable without even feeling it through the Force.

“Guess we should go face Her Royal Majesty.”

Ben chuckled lightly and followed his father out into the main area of the ship. He always referred to Leia as “Her Royal Majesty” when he knew he was going to get a scolding.

Poe hit the button to lower the boarding ramp and led the procession out. Ben could hear cheering as Poe and BB-8 hit the pavement and were greeted. Rey and Finn followed closely after him. Han waved Chewie on. The Wookie hesitated, but then went down the ramp.

“You’re going to make me go first to soften the blow on you, aren’t you?” Ben asked his father.

Han just shrugged, but Ben could see he was fighting a smirk. Ben rolled his eyes and walked down out of the ship.

Most of the people had dissipated, following Poe and the rest. Leia, however, remained. When Ben saw her, she was greeting Chewbacca. Ben caught just a snippet of her talking to the Wookie in her mom voice about his wound. And then she spotted Ben. Ben saw her sigh heavily. Not a good sign.

He walked over to her and stood before the General. She locked eyes with him for a moment.

“I should slap you, you know, for the scare you gave me,” Leia started. Then she pulled Ben down into a hug. “But I can’t. You did a good thing. You brought Poe home, and your father. I’m proud of you.”

Leia let go of Ben and he couldn’t help grinning at her like an idiot. Leia rolled her eyes at him, then looked pat him. Ben turned and saw Han standing a little way off looking awkward as all hell.

“You changed your hair,” Han said.

“Same old vest,” Leia responded dryly.

“No,” Han said, gentler, “new vest.”

There was a tense moment shared between the two, then Leia shook her head and chuckled.

“Come here you big idiot.”

Han slunk over the pavement like a scolded child. Once he was close enough, Leia pulled him into a hug. Ben decided it was his time to leave before they got too lovey-dovey.

“I’ll see you later in the war room, mom,” Ben said, turning and walking away quickly, before his mother could stop him.

His parents needed a moment to themselves. Ben was sure that he would find his father slinking around later after having been scolded. But for now, they hadn’t seen each other in quite some time and just needed to hold each other.

Ben carefully avoided the other celebrating members of the resistance and made his way to his quarters. He threw his robes into a corner, to be later washed, and went into the refresher. He felt grimy and wanted to wash the sand and sweat from his skin. There was time for him to shower. People would want to celebrate, and Poe needed some medical attention before a meeting could happen to discuss the map and what it meant for the Resistance.

Ben had just finished dressing when there was a knock on his door. He sighed and went to answer it, finding a slightly scared Lieutenant standing there.

“Yes?” Ben asked after the two had just stood in silence staring at each other for a moment.

“Uh, sorry, the General wanted to see you Commander Solo. She said it was urgent.”

Ben sighed inwardly and thanked the Lieutenant. He left his room and took the back way to his mother’s office. She was alone when he entered, sitting behind her desk with her hands folded on top of it.

“Which one is it?” Leia asked immediately.

“What?”

“Which one was the Force calling you to?”

“Oh, the girl,” Ben responded, finally understanding.

Leia must have figured out why he had run off. It shouldn’t have been hard to do so, given he had been asking to leave beforehand.

Leia nodded thoughtfully. 

“They are both strong with the Force, you know. The girl more so than the stormtrooper.”

Ben stiffened slightly at his mother’s words. He wondered how she had figured out Finn’s secret, but Poe had probably blabbed it. He wasn’t surprised as much by her revealing that Rey and Finn were strong with the Force. Leia was practically a Jedi herself. She was good at sensing the Force in others, it was what had allowed her to catch it in Ben during infancy. Besides, Ben had already considered that Rey was strong with the Force. Why else would he have been called to her?

“I see. That makes sense, I guess, that Rey would have the Force. I kind of figured. I didn’t pick up on it in Finn though.”

Leia nodded again. Ben had the distinct impression that he was not in trouble for once.

“There’s something else about her though, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Something that feels strange. I wish Luke were here, he would probably know,” Leia looked up at Ben again. “Will you teach her?”

Ben looked down at the floor. This was all a lot to take in at once. He had only met Rey the other day, and now he was being asked if he would instruct her in the ways of the Force. The girl still probably didn’t like him, especially now that he had effectively kidnapped her. He also had never had a padawan before. It was a great undertaking. Ben didn’t feel worthy.

“I think that will have to be up to Rey,” Ben said at last.

“I think you’re right,” Leia said, standing up. “We should get to the war room. There’s a lot to be discussed. I heard the map is partial, but there are bigger things to worry about. Intelligence has warned me about a new weapon the First Order is building, and it doesn’t sound good.”

They reached the war room quickly and saw that all the high-ranking officers of the Resistance were present, and a few lower ranking folks who were curious. The room fell quiet as Leia entered. She moved through the sea of people and took her place by the galactic map that dominated the center of the room. All eyes were on her and there was an air of excited anticipation in the room.

“As I’m sure you are all aware of by now, I sent out best pilot, Commander Poe Dameron, on a top-secret mission several weeks ago. As I’m also sure you are all aware of, this mission was to retrieve a map, a very important map. The very map that would lead us to the location of my brother, Luke Skywalker.”

A murmur rippled through the crowd, but Leia silenced it just by raising her hand. It was impressive how such an unassuming woman could hold so much power.

“Poe,” Leia said, waving Poe over.

Poe was already standing around the map, but he turned to kneel, and Ben heard him talking to BB-8. Then Poe stood and pushed a button on the table. A port opened and Poe put a small object- the map – into it. A holographic projection appeared over the table of the new map, which Ben had already seen. A gasp rippled through the group at the sight.

“As you can see,” Poe began, “the map is incomplete. While this is disappointing, we have to remember that we have this, and the First Order doesn’t.”

“That’s correct,” Leia said, taking over talking. “I have information that leads me to believe the First Order has the means to complete this map. If they were to find my brother, it would mean disaster for the galaxy. It is a shame we won’t be able to find Luke quite yet, but that isn’t the biggest of our worries right now. I’ve received word from one of our spies, deep within the First Order, that they are building a superweapon that is more destructive than the Death Star.”

The crowd erupted with questions and side chatter immediately. Leia let it go on for a moment, then raised her hand to silence the crowd again. Just as she was about to continue speaking however, something terrible happened.

It wasn’t something in that room, no it was many lightyears away in fact, but it felt as if it were there. There was a tremendous wave that ripped through the Force. A wave of pain, fear, sorrow, anger, and death. It hit Ben hard, narrowing his vision and making him deaf to the world around him as his ears were filled with the screams of billions crying out in fear and pain. And then there was nothing. Absolutely nothing, as billions of lives were snuffed out in an instant.

When Ben became aware of his surroundings again, it was pandemonium. People were screaming and running in and out of the room. There was a crowd around where Ben’s mother had been standing moments before but was now collapsed on the ground. Ben saw Finn and Rey also sitting, looking mortified. But most importantly, was the echoed cry to look outside.

Ben helped his mother to her feet and the two made their way outside into the open air, though they both already knew what had happened. Outside, they saw the confirmation of their worst fear painted across the sky in several bright, bloody streaks.

The First Order had used their weapon. They had destroyed many planets in one fell swoop. It was easy to guess which planets had been targeted, though it would be more accurate to say which system. There was only one system that would be really worth destroying for the First Order. The Hosnian system.

They had gone and struck the very heart of the galaxy. They had taken away the one thing supporting the resistance. They had chosen the most devastating and flashy target to debut their new weapon.

The First Order had killed the Republic.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title for this chapter should be: Ben can't keep a promise to his mother.  
> Anyways, enjoy!

This was a glorious moment for the First Order and for Hux. The weapon had worked perfectly, snuffing out the feeble Republic in one fell swoop. The First Order would be unstoppable now. It was a time for celebration. So why did Hux feel so awful?

For a moment, after the weapon had fired and struck its targets, Hux could almost believe he heard and felt the deaths of those planets and every individual on them. But that was a silly fantasy, probably fueled by the sudden regret and guilt Hux was facing.

He had stood tall and proud at the ceremony, playing his part and hiding his true feelings. The moment he was able to, however, Hux disappeared back to his quarters. Hopefully his absence would not be noticed in the celebration and preparation to fire on the next system. The weapon, while functional, still needed fine tuning and there were some structural aspects that left much to be desired. There was construction still on going, and other things that were handling themselves. Hux’s attention wasn’t required.

Hux pulled down the decanter of whiskey and a glass. The sight of the two objects stirred a wisp of memory that was not at all pleasant; darkness, fear, and blood came to mind. Hux shook off the thought and returned the whiskey, trading it for the old bottle of Arkanisian brandy that he had been saving for a special occasion. What other occasion would be as special as this? It was the eve of his greatest triumph after all. He should crack open the bottle and toast to his mother’s memory. The brandy had been a gift from her after all. But what would she think of what Hux had just done?

Before he knew what he was doing, Hux had grabbed the glass he had set out and hurled it across the room. It shattered on impact with the floor, having not made it far enough to hit a wall. As the fragments settled, Hux sunk to his knees.

The image of his mother’s face came to mind. It was hazy and her only distinguishable feature was her deep red hair, but Hux knew who it was. Hux remembered just how soft and lovely that hair had been and how lovely it had smelled. She had been the only kind person in Hux’s childhood. He had been very young when Brendol Hux had sent his mother away. The old general had been disgusted by the woman, though what room had he had to judge? Brendol had as much to do with Armitage’s birth as that woman. Hux had seen his mother one more time before her death. His father had permitted her to attend his graduation from the academy. That was where she had given him the brandy as a gift. She died shortly after of suspicious causes.

“What have I done?” Hux whispered to himself.

Something wet dripped onto the back of Hux’s hand, which had been resting on his thigh. He looked down at it, then watched as another droplet hit his leg, and Hux realized he was crying. Good. Someone should be crying right now for the loss of so much life. At least one person was doing it.

In a rush of frustration and anger at himself, Hux stood and wiped the tears from his eyes. He shouldn’t be crying for those retched people; they were his enemy. Hux returned the brandy to the cupboard and stormed across the room to his desk, his shoes crunching over the scattered glass. He sat heavily and picked up his datapad.

There were several messages waiting for him on the screen, mostly reports from the day. But Hux didn’t see them, he didn’t see anything. He just stared blankly at the screen while his thoughts and emotions swelled and crashed against each other in his mind.

He opened the portal used to send secure messages with a jerk. Then he closed it again. Then opened it again. Hux started typing a message to the resistance, an apology. He deleted the message and dropped the datapad back on his desk. He stood and paced the room a few times, running his hands through his hair, disrupting the normally carefully kept locks.

Hux stopped in the middle of the room and took a few deep breaths. He was overreacting and needed to calm down. What he had done was necessary to the goals of the First Order. This had been his idea, and it had worked. He should be rejoicing. 

The datapad on the desk drew Hux’s attention again. It hadn’t done anything, not even lit up, but it felt like it was mocking him. It would have only taken one message to lessen the destruction. Just one well timed and worded message and millions, if not billions, of lives could have been saved. But he didn’t send it. He warned the Resistance about Starkiller Base, but he didn’t warn them about this. Why should he? The Resistance was the enemy, after all. Why should he warn them about something like that?

A little voice in the back of his head screamed that he should have because he’d been a spy for the Resistance so damn long. He had a certain loyalty to them, and unlike the First Order, he had never once betrayed them. That was a startling realization. Maybe it was that he never received very vital information, or maybe Hux really was more loyal to the Resistance than this entity of such power he had helped create. He genuinely didn’t know.

In seconds, Hux was back across the room and sitting at his desk. He pulled up the personnel file for that defected stormtrooper that had helped the Resistance pilot escape. Hux read the whole file with rapt attention, starting from when FN-2187 was just an infant donated to the First Order all the way to his defection. One detail caught Hux’s attention, the detail he didn’t realize he was looking for. It sparked a strange sliver of hope in him to read the logs detailing FN-2187’s time on Starkiller. With any luck, the man would be observant enough to be able to provide the resistance with the weaknesses that couldn’t be avoided in Starkiller’s design. Maybe, just maybe, the Resistance could make the First Order, and Hux, pay for their crimes.

Hux almost sent a message to the Resistance, but there was nothing for him to say, nothing that would be of use. They could figure this out on their own. They were smart people. Then he got up and shook off his confliction. He was General to the First Order, that was where his loyalties sat. He needed to get back to the control center, if not to oversee the next attack, but to at least not draw suspicion.

This was a day of celebration, and Hux was going to bask in the glory even if it killed him.

\---

Once the initial chaos from the destruction of the Republic had calmed, Leia called a meeting of the Resistance’s elite. Only those who held the rank of Colonel and higher were allowed, with the exception of Ben. Poe had also been called to the meeting, as the head of the X-wing branch of the Resistance Fleet, but he didn’t show.

Leia was quiet as the various officers argued and discussed the destruction of the Republic and Starkiller base, as they had learned the super weapon was called. Ben could sense her pain and anger but working beneath that was a sharp mind. Ben could only imagine what his mother was scheming. How were they supposed to counter the First Order when they wielded such a destructive power, especially without the help of the Republic fleet? A flickering image of the planet sized weapon hung in the middle of the room. It was truly a ghastly sight, nearly four times the size of the Death Star and marred around the circumference of the planet with a massive trench. The planet that had been turned into this weapon, Iros, located in the Unknown Regions, had once been rich with kyber crystals. The greed of the Empire, and subsequently the First Order, had created that massive canyon after stripping the planet of its resources. The thick network of tunnels and mines had eventually collapsed and left a ghastly scar. The planet was now dead, serving only as a husk for the mechanical monstrosity that the First Order had built into its heart. The sight of it sent a shiver of disgust through Ben’s body.

“Excuse me, sorry. General, there’s someone here you should listen to,” Poe said, pushing through the crowd to get to Leia.

Leia snapped out of her stupor and looked up at Poe. From behind Poe stepped Finn. The man looked incredibly nervous.

“General,” Colonel Doma Waldon spoke up, giving Finn a dirty look, “we shouldn’t let this defector in here. He may still be loyal to the First Order.”

“Thank you Doma, but I think I can use my own judgement when deciding who to trust,” Leia turned to Finn. “Please, what do you have to say?”

Finn stepped forward to the table. 

“I have information on Starkiller Base that might help us, the Resistance, to defeat it.”

“Go on,” Leia said, ignoring the whispers circling through her officers.

“The weapon draws its power from nearby stars. That’s what makes it so destructive. But that kind of power intake generates heat, and a lot of it. Now, the First Order was smart about this, and built the weapon on an icy planet, which provides some cooling, but its not enough,” Finn glanced at Poe, who tapped a few buttons on the table, bringing a hexagonal structure into view. “This is the main thermal oscillator, responsible for cooling the planet and preventing the weapon from self-destructing every time it’s charged.”

“If we destroy that, the whole planet will blow,” someone jumped in, catching onto what Finn was saying.

“Right,” Finn said, “the only problem is its almost impossible to break through the planetary shield network, and it would take quite the blast to knock out the oscillator.”

Sounds of discouragement rippled through the crowd, but Ben had latched on to two words that Finn had said.

“Almost impossible?” Ben repeated.

Finn nodded. “A normal ship can’t penetrate them without security clearance from the ground. But the shutter frequency the shield operates at would allow a small ship going lightspeed to pass through.”

“No one would be crazy enough to do that!” one man said, earning an agreeing chatter from most of the gather people.

“I could do it,” Han chimed in, loud enough to be heard over the clamor.

The room fell silent. It was obvious many had overlooked Han’s presence in the meeting, but now all eyes were on him.

Leia looked between Finn and her husband, considering the options.

“Alright,” she said at length, “let’s plan out how we are going to pull this harebrained stunt. Let’s hope it works.”

It was a few hours later that Ben found himself dressed in a flight suit and making his way out onto the flight strip. Leia had insisted on striking as soon as possible to prevent the First Order from having time to fire the weapon again. Finn had provided valuable intel into the workings of the base that would give the Resistance a much-needed edge.

The plan was to have Han take the _Falcon_ and slip through the planet’s shields at lightspeed. Then he would find a way to shut down the shields from within, allowing the Resistance to strike. Poe and Ben would lead an attack on the oscillator, hitting it with all the fire power at their disposal and hope for the best. If they failed, there would be little other hope of defeating the First Order. No, the mission had to succeed. There was no room for failure here. The fate of the galaxy hung in the balance.

Ben spotted Han and Chewie preparing the _Falcon_ for take off at the other end of the flight strip. He watched as Leia came over to say goodbye. Ben watched for a moment, then jogged over.

“Hey kid,” Han said as Ben approached.

“Be safe out there, old man,” Ben said back, pulling his father into a hug.

Han patted Ben’s back a couple of times, then the two separated.

“You too punk,” Han said with a smile.

“General Solo, you ready to go?” Finn asked, coming up from behind Han.

Finn was going with Han, to provide guidance through the planet. The ex-stormtrooper had been stationed on Starkiller for some time and would be a valuable man on the ground.

“Yeah, just as soon as Chewie finishes over there.”

Rey came jogging up then. She gave Ben a brief glance, then looked at Han.

“I’m going with you,” she said firmly.

“Rey-” Leia tried to start arguing, but Rey silenced her with a look.

“I want to help. I don’t want to be stuck here. Let me go with them and help, please?”

Leia sighed and looked between Rey, Han, and Ben. Then she shook her head.

“That’s Han’s call. Just be safe out there.”

“Could always use an extra pair of hands. Welcome aboard kid,” Han said, clapping Rey on the back.

Someone called to Ben from the other end of the flight strip. He turned and saw the X-wings had started to fire up.

“That’s my cue. I’ll see you both when we get back.”

“Be safe, Ben. Please come back home,” Leia said, looking up at her son.

“I will mom, I promise.”

“May the Force be with you, both of you.” Leia looked at both Han and Ben, her boys.

“And with you, mom,” Ben responded, kissing Leia on the top of her head before turning and jogging back down the length of the flight strip.

Ben climbed into his X-Wing and shut the hatch. Pulling on his helmet, Ben was greeted with some preflight chatter from the other pilots. Ben was leading his old squadron on the mission, Red Squadron. Poe was in charge of the Resistance’s most elite squadron, Black squadron. His pilots were the best of the best, and Ben was only on a different squadron because of his leadership capabilities. The two squadrons together made a formidable force. Ben initiated the pre-flight sequence for his ship and then hopped on the comms.

“This is Red Leader checking in. How’s it looking for a little flight today, Black Leader?”

“The sky’s are clear with a chance of kick ass,” Poe responded through the comm line.

Ben snorted. “Roger that Black Leader, lets go blow up a planet. Red Squadron, check in.”

Ben listened as his team checked in and made note that all were present.

“Alright boys, girls, and all in between, the _Falcon_ has left the nest,” Poe said into the line, after Han had taken off. “Follow formation, let’s get out of here. Ben and I are in lead. Remember, stay at lightspeed until my order.”

There was a series of affirmatives and then the ships began to take off. The fleet met up above the planet, then they jumped to lightspeed together. Now they just had to pray that Finn and Han would get the shields down in time.

They were almost at the planet when Poe finally spoke into the comms.

“The shield is down! Drop out of lightspeed now. Let’s show the First Order what we’ve got.”

There was acknowledgement from the fleet and cheers as they dropped out of lightspeed just shy of the planet. They were so close in fact that they almost immediately entered the atmosphere. The light was strange, and Ben quickly realized it was because the base was recharging, draining the sun. Poe led the fleet over the planet and to the thermal oscillator.

“Alright, there it is! Let’s give it everything we’ve got!”

They dived toward the oscillator and started firing. The whole fleet made pass after pass, dishing out everything they had.

“Black Leader, we’ve got company!”

“I see them Blue Three. Ben, you got this?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Ben responded. “Red Squadron, scramble formation. Keep those TIE’s off our bombers.”

Ben got an affirmative from his squadron as they peeled off from the rest of the fleet. Ben pulled a 180 and started engaging the enemy pilots who were coming in thick and fast. The TIE pilots were good, but not good enough as Ben outmaneuvered and out gunned ship after ship. But it wasn’t enough.

The comms were now alive with shouts about the enemy and cries of pilots who’d been hit.

“New plan!” Poe shouted. “Black Squadron go on defense with Red Squadron, remaining squadrons keep bombing that oscillator. The more we throw at it, the more damage we will do. As long as there is still light, we have hope of winning this thing!”

It was sort of hard to tell exactly what squadron was doing what as dog fights started even with Blue and Green Squadrons. The situation was turning sour fast and not much was happening to that oscillator. Ben was starting to lose hope as more ships fell and the light quickly faded from the sky. They weren’t going to win this one, were they?

Then a miracle happened. An explosion from inside ripped a hole in the oscillator just as the last of the light winked out.

“Poe, there’s a brand-new hole in that thing!” Ben shouted.

“I see it! Cover me, I’m going in!”

Ben banked hard, coming around to follow Poe as his X-wing dived toward the fiery gash. Ben fought off and TIEs that decided to give chase and on the ground guns. Poe closed his S-foils and dived into the oscillator. Ben pulled up sharply, before he could crash and rejoined the skirmish. It was a few more seconds before an enormous fireball erupted from where the oscillator had been. Ben held his breath for a moment, then saw Poe’s ship emerge from the explosion.

Cheers erupted through the comms as a shockwave tore through the ground of the planet with the oscillator at its epicenter.

“Nice one Poe!” Ben said into the comms, “that was a good hit. Now let’s get out of here before- oh shit.”

“Ben? Ben what’s happening?”

“I’ve got a shadow, hang on,” Ben responded as he took on defensive maneuvers.

Two TIE Silencers that had started chasing him. The ships were fast, too fast, and too maneuverable for Ben to shake them. Things were turning against Ben quickly as he darted in and out of obstacles that the Silencers shrugged off, not to mention, he got the sneaking suspicion he had been singled out. Those ships weren’t exactly given out left and right. Only elite pilots could fly them, and Ben only knew of one squadron that did: The Knights of Ren.

Ben tried every trick in his book, but he just could not keep one step ahead of the ships, and it showed when one took out the starboard wing of his X-wing. Ben didn’t even have time to say something before he lost control of the ship and crashed into the ground. Ben did hear Poe’s distressed cry though at seeing him go down.

Miraculously, the ship did not explode on impact. Even more miraculously, Ben survived the crash, granted he was temporarily knocked unconscious and probably had several broken bones. Ben pulled himself from the crash and crawled away from it, incase it decided to blow up. Then he flopped down and laid in the snow. He was in too much pain to move far and had no way of contacting his comrades to tell them he was alive without the ship.

“Help,” Ben called out weakly, projecting the word through the Force. He knew it was a futile effort. No one could hear him. It wasn’t likely this would be the one time Luke decided to answer, and anyway, he was probably halfway across the galaxy. There was no way Rey or Finn were turned in enough to even get a wisp of his message. The only person who would have any chance of hearing him was his mother, and even she wouldn’t be able to get him help fast enough, before the planet swallowed him whole.

The ground chose then to tear open, just a few meters away from Ben. He forced himself up onto his elbows and watched in horrified awe as the planet engulfed his wrecked ship. The act of just moving that much sent pain shooting through Ben’s whole body and he collapsed back into the snow. He couldn’t tell if he was bleeding or if the snow was just soaking through his jumpsuit. His vision was fading quickly around the edges and the last thing Ben remembered experiencing was hearing the whine of a ship landing close by.

\---

This day had gone from triumphant, to bad, to kind of better, to disastrous. Hux found himself sprinting through the halls of the command center on Starkiller as the ground shook and heaved beneath his feet. The Resistance had figured out not just how to disable the weapon, but to destroy it completely, and the giant seemed intent on taking everyone with it.

Hux lost his footing and fell, sliding down the hall, as the ground pitched forward. He came to a stop at the airlock to the main hangar and had to force the door open manually. Few ships were left inside, and the ceiling was coming down. A few officers were already making for the remaining command shuttle. Hux sprinted for it, getting inside just in time as a chunk of the ceiling came down outside the door, crushing some less fortunate officers.

“Get this thing out of here now!” Hux shouted at the officers who were sitting down to pilot the craft.

They quickly obeyed his order and got the ship out of the crumbling hangar. Hux watched out of the rear viewport as they climbed through the atmosphere and out into space, toward the Finalizer. The planet was imploding in a fiery mess. It was a beautiful and tragic sight. Hux didn’t know how he felt about it exactly.

The transport landed on the Finalizer and Hux was the first out. He ran for the bridge, not caring about his image for the moment and vastly more concerned about getting the ship out of harms way of the planet, which was likely to have one last fiery huzza in its final moments. If the Finalizer didn’t jump to lightspeed, they would be destroyed by the explosion.

Hux skidded to a halt once he reached the bridge and immediately began barking orders for the whole fleet to get out of there. His orders were followed at once, the Finalizer jumping to lightspeed and relaying Hux’s command to the other ships that were about. Only then did Hux allow himself to relax slightly.

He ran a hand over his hair, smoothing any wayward strands back into place, and dusted off his clothes.

“Someone give me a situation report,” he ordered with a tone of disgust.

Lieutenant Mitaka appeared from somewhere. Hux was pleased to see the young man had safely gotten himself off the planet.

“Casualty reports are still being processed, Sir. Starkiller Base is lost, along with it a hefty portion of our TIE fleet and officers. We do have confirmation that most of the high-ranking officers made it to safety or were already off planet at the time of the attack. One Star Destroyer did not make it to lightspeed in time, from what we can tell.”

Another officer came forward and handed Mitaka a datapad. Mitaka took a moment to read over the screen.

“We are starting to get estimates of the casualties, Sir.”

“I don’t care about that right now. If there isn’t anything else important to report, you are dismissed,” Hux snapped.

Mitaka swallowed visibly and scanned over the screen again.

“There is one thing, Sir. We have a captive. The two Knights of Ren that were with us on the base captured him and brought him aboard the ship. He is being taken to medical for some serious injuries and then will be transferred to the detention block.”

“A captive, hmm,” Hux stared out of the forward viewscreen, thinking about this particular development. The captive had to be someone important for the Knights of Ren to give a care enough to bring him on board. “Who is he?”

“Vicrul Ren identified him as the Red Squadron Leader, but we don’t know anything more than that.”

“Assign a team to find that out. At least we have one nuisance taken care of. And a bargaining point with the Resistance.”

The Red and Black Squadron leaders had been a thorn in the side of the First Order for some time. Often seen flying together, the two pilots were cunning and destructive. They had managed to singlehandedly destroy several important outposts. The Red Squadron Leader had disappeared for a period of some standard months, and Hux had thought they had finally been rid of him. Obviously not, but at least he wouldn’t be terrorizing them anymore.

Mitaka bowed his head in acknowledgement and scampered off to obey Hux’s orders. Hux stepped forward to stand right in front of the viewscreen.

Soon they would be into safe space where they could regroup and gather the final reports. Then Hux would have to report to the Supreme Leader about what had happened. Hux wanted to at least know the name of their captive before reporting to Snoke. Something told him it was important to have a name to present to the Supreme Leader about their captive. But for now, all Hux could do was wait and beat down his waring emotions.


	8. Chapter 8

The Hux left the bridge the moment he was notified of the prisoner’s transfer from medical and into the detention block. For some reason, he found himself incapable of controlling his pace as he went. He nearly sprinted the whole way down three decks and right up to the interrogation room. He didn’t know what had possessed him to such urgency. Hux paused for a moment, staring at the door and trying to regain his composure. Something felt odd about the situation, whether it was the Knights of Ren had taken a live prisoner, or if it had something to do with whoever was behind this door. Hux didn’t know. Hux shook off the feeling and punched in his code for the door lock.

The door to the interrogation room slid open and Hux froze at the sight before him. Strapped into the interrogation chair, unconscious and limp as far as Hux could tell, was Kovos Ren. It took all of his will power to not scream. Hux took a forced deep breath and regarded the man further. He couldn’t tell much of the man’s appearance, as his head was hung forward and his long hair with it, obscuring his face. It gave Hux some comfort to see the characteristic orange of a Resistance flight suit slung the man’s waist and legs with a plain white tank top on his torso. Apparently, he had suffered massive internal injuries, including several broken bones, and a hefty concussion. Medical had likely completely removed this man’s clothes. It was a testament to ignorance that they gave the prisoner the decency of dressing him again. It was an honest miracle that this man had not sustained worse injuries, or death, from his crash. It wasn’t many pilots that walked away from a wrecked fighter and lived to tell the tale.

The man stirred, startling Hux slightly. He lifted his head and blinked up at Hux with deep brown eyes.

“Hello there…” the man said, as if he had not been unconscious moments ago, eyeing Hux up and down, “general.”

Hux did not respond. He was too focused on convincing himself that this prisoner was not indeed Kovos Ren. The most pressing detain that caught Hux’s attention were this man’s eyes. They were quite possibly the darkest Hux had ever seen on a human, the pupil invisible against the iris from this distance, and very much different from the filthy yellow of the Knight’s. Hux stepped forward and began slowly circling the man, who followed Hux’s movements with his eyes. There was a strangely calm air about the man, as if he were not currently captured by the enemy. There were other things, physically, that Hux noted as different from Kovos in this man. His hair looked well-kept and fell in loose waves, as compared to the inky sheets that hung from Kovos’s greasy scalp. The complexion was also different. This man’s skin, while pale, held some ghost of color, speaking of a life once spent in the sun perhaps. Kovos’s skin by contrast was always a sickly yellow. Hux finished his circle around the man and stopped directly in front of him. His gaze lingered on the large purple bruise that currently dominated the man’s right cheek and eye, before taking in the rest of his features. Nothing much caught Hux’s eye, and he found himself staring deeply into this man’s eyes. Closer now, Hux could see there was a distinction between the pupil and iris. The iris was a rich dark brown, the color of plain caf, accented with what appeared to be flecks of green circling the pupil. They were beautiful.

“Do you have something to say, or are you just going to keep staring into my eyes like a lovesick kid?” the man said suddenly, not even trying to hide his smirk.

Hux took a quick step back, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. Damn him for getting so caught up in looking at this man.

“What’s your name?” Hux found himself asking, as he turned slightly away to regain his compsure for a second time. It was a useless question; the technicians would have the man’s identity soon enough. But the room was empty, save for the two of them, and this man was part of the Resistance. Some deep part of Hux felt he had some obligation to be nice. Not to mention the undeniable attraction he was beginning to feel toward the man, despite his best wishes.

“Ben,” the man responded.

“Ben,” Hux said, trying to think if he knew of a Resistance member with such a name. “Is that all?”

Ben did not respond, but Hux did catch the playful smirk that ghosted over the man’s features. The display of insolence at once sparked anger in Hux. All feelings of goodwill vanished in a second.

“You are aware that we will torture you, right?” Hux snapped, getting up in Ben’s face. “This will be easier if you cooperate.”

The man had the audacity to laugh then, which only served to anger Hux further. Hux no longer cared who the man was, his mind now fully regarding the man as a disobedient animal.

“As if I’d give the First Order anything. That’s a cute thought, you getting me to crack with intimidation. I’d honestly like to see you try and get any information out of me, General.”

Hux narrowed his eyes at the man. Was he flirting?

Ben smirked at Hux, and Hux got the distinctive feeling that he was not alone in his mind anymore, almost as if Ben was reading his thoughts. He took a step away from the man with the intention of leaving the room, before he did something stupid like punch the man.

“Haven’t we met somewhere before?” Ben asked, stopping Hux in his tracks.

“I don’t know what you mean. I don’t exactly visit the Resistance on a regular basis.”

“No, I’m pretty sure we’ve met before, I just can’t place where.”

Hux glared at the man. Was he toying with him? If so, what did he hope to gain?

“I’m certain I would have remembered meeting Resistance scum like you before.”

Ben looked thoughtful.

“You didn’t know I was Resistance, at the time. You told me your name. It was Brenden or Braeda or something like that.”

“Brendol,” Hux whispered, his heart now hammering in his chest as vague images from a nightmare passed flashed in his mind. No, that wasn’t possible. You couldn’t meet people in dreams.

“My name,” Hux said loudly and firmly, hoping the man hadn’t heard his slip, “Is Armitage Hux. General Armitage Hux of the First Order. We have never met before, and I would suggest you cease toying with me or suffer the consequences.”

Hux turned on his heel and left the room before the prisoner could respond. The door slid closed behind him and Hux took a moment to breathe. He felt hot, from either anger, shame, fear, or attraction. He wasn’t sure which sounded better. There was no use losing his head over something so trivial. The prisoner was probably just trying to get him to break, to slip up and reveal something vital. That wouldn’t happen. Hux couldn’t allow that to happen.

“General?” Lieutenant Mitaka said hesitantly, having appeared out of nowhere.

“What is it?” Hux snapped.

Mitaka flinched slightly at the outburst. “We- we’ve discovered the prisoner’s identity.”

“So? Out with it, I haven’t got all day.”

“His name is Ben Solo, son of the smuggler Han Solo and the Rebellion general Leia Organa. Intelligence has also revealed that Ben Solo apparently trained with Luke Skywalker before Skywalker went missing.”

“He’s a Jedi then. I should have guessed,” Hux sneered. The man HAD been toying with him, not just with cunning, but by invading Hux’s mind. He had been poking through Hux’s mind to find just the thing to get him to break. “I must speak with the Supreme Leader at once.”

Hux pushed past Mitaka and set a brisk pace down the hall, toward Snoke’s holochamber. The sooner this man, this monster, was dealt with, the better, and the further Hux could get from the interrogation cell the better.

\---

The door to the great chamber opened and Hux stepped through. He walked at a brisk pace up the path as the holoprojection of Snoke flickered into being.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux said, bowing respectfully at the base of the large dais that held Snoke’s throne. It was such a waste of space and material to have such a large and empty room dedicated to the sole use of communicating via holoprojection. The throne was hewn of stone, large and rough and just barely seen through the gently flickering image of the Supreme Leader. That structure alone had cost more than Hux was comfortable thinking about.

“What is it, General?” Snoke asked, sounding annoyed, though he always sounded like that.

“I have news to report, of Starkiller.”

“Go on.”

Hux took a breath, calming the sudden rush of nerves that arose in him. He was fearful of how Snoke would react to this failure. The Supreme Leader had a bad track record with anger. Hux had witnessed the unfortunate fate of those who disappointed or failed Snoke in the past, and it never ended well.

“Starkiller has been destroyed, utterly and fully, by the Resistance,” Hux paused but did not get a reaction out of Snoke. Odd. “This is a major setback, but we did not lose many personnel, and all but one ship made it to safety.”

“I have already been informed of this by the pupils of mine who were stationed on the planet with you. I would like to know why you have failed to inform me of this sooner,” Snoke hissed, leaning down to regard Hux closer.

Hux swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat from fear and disgust at the ghastly face that was Snoke’s.

“I was waiting on information about a prisoner that your students brought aboard my ship. He is a Jedi, by the name of Ben Solo.”

Snoke sat up so suddenly that it made Hux jump. A devious look passed over Snoke’s face before his gnarled features settled into a crude approximation of a smile.

“So, the lost student has returned. You are to bring him to me at once. There may be hope for you and this feeble movement yet.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux said, bowing deeply.

The holoprojection flickered out and Hux hurried from the room, glad to have escaped immediate punishment and not wanting to risk Snoke reappearing. What did Snoke want with this man? It was apparent that the Supreme Leader knew Ben Solo, though Hux could not fathom how. Probably through that magic of theirs. Hux couldn’t help pitying the man. He wondered what Snoke had in store for him. Maybe torture, or perhaps something worse. Hux did not know the full extent of Snoke’s power, he had only seen glimpses of it in those instances that he took is anger out on those who failed. But Hux had seen, and felt, the power of his apprentices, and Hux assumed Snoke was much more powerful. He could only shudder at the thought of what Snoke might be capable of. He felt pity for Ben in the face of that. Though Ben himself had powers too, Hux couldn’t forget that. He was just being taken to his own kind. They were all monsters, those Force users.  
Hux returned to the bridge.

“Plot a course to the Supremacy. The Supreme Leader requires our presence,” Hux ordered.

The order was followed and Hux stood and watched as the Finalizer jumped to light speed, his heart beating erratically the whole while. This was not going to be a pleasant visit, Hux had a feeling. But he could not let fear control his actions.

\---

Ben was not sure how long he had been in the custody of the First Order. He knew that his injuries had been tended to initially, but how long he was out for was a mystery. There was no way for him to gauge the passage of time in his cell with its constant lighting and dark durasteel everything. Nothing happened at regular intervals, which was surprising given the rumors he had heard about General Hux and his fondness of order. Maybe it was just a tactic though, one to make him feel like he was going crazy. It wouldn’t work, of course, if it was. Ben was smarter than that.

Ben knew he had to have been there at least a couple of days. The intervals between interrogations were too long to happen all in one day. To call it interrogation was a misnomer. Ben was being well and truly tortured. It had started as interrogations, maybe, but quickly devolved into full on torture as Ben continued to refuse to give up any information. Ben had a suspicion that, at this point, the person “interrogating” him was just pissed off at his constant sassing back. The severity of injury Ben was inflicted with was immense.

Ben had wanted to escape, but that was made impossible by the way things seemed to be run on this ship. He was almost always left alone, in a completely locked room. The only people to enter the room was the interrogator, and Ben could sense that their mind was far too strong to be influenced. Not to mention, Ben was already weakened in the Force with the effort of keeping himself alive through the ordeal. He had no residual strength to break his bonds, and it would be useless without a code to exit the room. Ben could only hope for rescue.

“I will get something out of you, you slime,” the interrogator hissed, holding Ben’s chin tightly.

Ben didn’t respond, didn’t even move a muscle in his face. He wasn’t going to give this guy any satisfaction.

The interrogator snarled and punched Ben squarely in the nose. There was a crunch as fist contacted cartilage and Ben knew instantly that his nose was broken. His chin was released, and Ben’s head hung forward without his control. He spit blood onto the ground as the door to his cell opened then shut again, leaving Ben alone.

This was getting old, the whole cycle of questions and abuse. Ben found himself wondering if they would eventually let him die when his wounds became too great. They weren’t exactly giving him medical attention between interrogation sessions. The floor of the cell was starting to look like a battlefield.

Ben sighed and closed his eyes. He was tired, so very tired. Sleep tugged at the edges of his consciousness and Ben didn’t even try to fight it.

The door to the room slid open again, waking Ben from his almost sleep. He didn’t move, too tired to care really about the return of the interrogator. It was odd that they had returned so soon, but Ben couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Unexpectedly, no one approached Ben. Then, even more unexpectedly, Ben felt, clear as day, a wave of sympathy and anger through the Force.

He lifted his head as the door slid shut and was graced with the disgusted looking face of General Armitage Hux. Ben couldn’t help but smile, the urge to taunt, and a strange fondness, returning to him.

“Hello, General. Didn’t think I would be seeing you again. How have you been?” Ben asked.

Hux narrowed his eyes at the uncomfortably chipper greeting. Ben could feel contempt coming from the man, along with some confusion. A clear thought came to Ben, from Hux’s mind, one of how horrible and weak Ben looked.

Ben pulled himself upright, sitting back in his chair, as a response. It was very strange how much Ben was able to sense from this man without even trying, especially with how weak he was at the moment.

“I’m not here to chit chat, Solo,” Hux retorted, his voice ice.

Ben wasn’t surprised by the use of his last name. It had only been a matter of time before the First Order discovered his real identity. 

“I was just trying to be nice. There’s no need to get upset,” Ben said.

“My wellbeing is none of your concern,” Hux snapped. “I know you are just toying with me, Jedi, and I don’t appreciate the waste of my time.”

Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Toying with you? I wasn’t doing that. Sassing you, yeah, maybe flirting a bit, but just to annoy you.”

Hux stepped forward, getting into Ben’s personal space.

“You’re lying. I know you were using your magic to invade my mind. Stealing my memories to use against me.”

What the hell was this guy on? Ben had not been in the general’s mind, beyond what he couldn’t help glimpsing from Hux’s obnoxiously loud thoughts. 

“I wasn’t getting in your mind. I wouldn’t violate someone like that,” Ben responded, disgusted at the notion, holding Hux’s gaze.

Ben felt a flash of fear, accompanied by a flash of someone else’s memory. Hux’s memory, Ben realized, as he experienced the phantom feeling of fingers around his throat. He shook the memory off before it could get very far, feeling both apprehension about the subject matter and shame at seeing it.

“I don’t believe you,” Hux said, stepping away. “You Force users have no respect for others. I have seen what your kind can do. You don’t value things as simple as personal privacy. You are all monsters.”

“Someone’s hurt you,” Ben found himself saying before he could stop the words leaving his mouth.

Hux turned sharply to stare at him, eyes wide. Ben had hit a vulnerable spot, that much was apparent. Hux’s featured hardened once more into a something feral looking.

“You don’t know anything,” Hux growled, crossing the room in the blink of an eye, and getting right up in Ben’s face. “You don’t know a damned thing you scum. You think you can break me, find a weakness to exploit and use it to escape, don’t you? It won’t work. I won’t allow it. You are at my mercy here, and I suggest you act like it. I would have you executed here and now, but unfortunately the Supreme Leader wishes you alive. Though I feel Supreme Leader Snoke has something much worse planned for you. It will be a pity to not watch it.”

Ben saw his own shocked face reflected in General Hux’s green eyes. At once he was a frightened little boy again, fighting off the nightmares and the horrible voice of Snoke.

Hux seemed satisfied with what his words had done if his smirk was to say anything. He stepped away from Ben, turning away with a look of disgust and contempt. Ben watched, numb, as Hux left the room.

The moment the door slid shut, Ben began shaking violently. He was being taken to Snoke, that was for certain. This was the worst possible outcome of this whole disaster. Ben had no hope of defending himself against Snoke in this state. What did Snoke even want with him? Was he going to try and seduce Ben over to the dark side again? Torture him? Or would he simply crush Ben? Ben wasn’t sure which of those options sounded the worst.

The feeling of a strong presence in the room forced Ben out of his spiraling thoughts. His gaze snapped up, fearful that it was somehow Snoke, but was shocked to find someone even more unlikely standing there.

“Rey?”

Rey spun to face him, her eyes wide and confused.

“Ben! Where did you come from? How are you here? I thought you were dead.”

The questions were odd, and Ben found himself unable to respond, wondering the same things. Rey looked him up and down, her expression shifting to one of horror.

“What happened to you? You- you aren’t really here, are you?”

Ben shook his head, his mind scrambling to come up with an answer to what was happening. There was no way Rey was Force projecting here. That skill was only possible for those particularly strong and well trained in the Force.

“Where are you? What is this? How am I seeing you right now?” Rey asked, stepping closer to Ben.

“I’m on a star destroyer,” Ben responded, answering the first question. “I was captured by the First Order. As for your other questions, I don’t know. Something to do with the Force, but I don’t know what.”

Rey lifted her hand and made as if to touch Ben’s face but hesitated and pulled away at the last second.

“You’re in danger,” she said.

“Yes, they’re taking me to Snoke.”

Rey’s sharp intake of breath told Ben that she grasped the severity of Ben’s statement. Whether or not she knew what Snoke meant for Ben was unknown.

Rey’s imaged seemed to flicker and Ben’s heart skipped a beat. They were running out of time, he knew it.

“Rey, I don’t think that whatever this is, is going to last much longer. I need you to tell my mother what I just told you. I’m likely on the Finalizer, the First Order’s flag ship. General Hux is on board. You need to get to me before I reach Snoke. Please, it’s my only hope.”

Something caught Rey’s attention before she could respond. She turned and instantly vanished. Ben was left staring at the empty space where she had stood a moment ago and the taste of bile in his mouth. He swallowed down the urge to vomit. The resistance would find him in time, they had to. Ben couldn’t accept another option.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y'all enjoy this chapter. I tried to do something a little different and had a lot of fun writing!

As to why they weren’t traveling at lightspeed, Ben couldn’t even begin to imagine. But they were definitely traveling sublight, there was no other explanation to why it was taking so long to reach Snoke. Maybe it was the doing of that general. Maybe he just wanted to prolong Ben’s torture. That seemed plausible, and it was working if that was the case. Ben was still being tortured daily for information he refused to give up. One would think they would learn that these methods were useless, though they were probably doing it for fun at this point.

Today, the “interrogator” did not say a word to Ben. It seemed they might be getting tired of even trying to get information out of Ben at this point. Or maybe it was a new tactic? Keep torturing him, this time making it seem like the goal was solely torture, maybe then he’d crack, just to try and get it to stop. 

Ben sighed as his torturer left the room, as silent as they had been when they entered. It would do him no good to contemplate the intentions of his captors. He needed to focus on staying alive, staying strong, and formulating a plan for escape.

Yeah, like he was going to be able to escape at any point.

Ben closed his eyes for a moment, resting his head back on the uncomfortable metal of the chair that had been his home for what must be weeks now. Ben wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with scars from the restraints.

A series of soft clicks broke through the silence in the room. Ben opened his eyes and looked around, finding himself still alone. Nothing seemed out of place, but then again, Ben couldn’t see the portion of the room that sat behind him. Then he happened to glance down and was shocked to see his restraints hanging open.

“What the kriff?” Ben said to himself.

He moved one arm and brought it up to his face, verifying that it was actually free. What was happening?

The pneumatic hiss of the door startled Ben slightly. He jerked his hand down and closed his eyes, pretending to be unconscious. Hopefully whoever was entering would assume so too, and that Ben was unaware of his apparent freedom. Either way, the situation should give him an edge over the newcomer. But no one entered the room.

Ben cracked open an eye and saw the doorway was empty. Not even a guard was visible outside. A quick check through the Force confirmed that Ben was completely alone.

“What the kriff,” he said again, now more confused than ever.

After a minute or so, Ben could no longer ignore his curiosity. He pushed himself forward, out of the chair. His knees buckled slightly, weak from lack of use and pain, but Ben quickly got his footing. Taking a step hurt quite a deal, but Ben pushed through it, determined to find out what was happening here. A part of his brain screamed that whatever this was had to be a trap, but he hushed it. Nothing could really be worse than the threat of being delivered to Snoke. Maybe this was his opportunity to escape.

Cautiously, Ben poked his head out of the door and glanced down the corridor outside in both directions. It was also empty.

Feeling emboldened, Ben stepped out of the room and began walking down the corridor. At first, he paused at every junction, peeking around the corners to check for danger, but after the seventh empty hallway, Ben became complacent, no longer paying as much attention to new corridors. 

It was very strange, Ben thought as he kept moving, that he had not encountered a single other being, not even a droid. The ship seemed empty, it even sounded empty. The only sound was the dull hum of the engines, as far as Ben could tell. 

After a while, Ben began questioning the size of the ship. He hadn’t made many turns, as far as he was aware, and yet the corridor he was in kept going and going, never reaching any final destination. He had passed a few doors and many junctions, but he should have reached some end to this corridor by now, some hangar or barracks or even the bridge. 

But the hall kept going. And Ben kept walking.

Panic began building in Ben’s chest. Something did not feel right in the slightest. There was no way the ship was this big and he definitely wasn’t walking in circles. 

At the next junction, Ben turned and started running down a new corridor. This one was even less interesting than the previous one, not even a single door interrupting the dark durasteel walls and far fewer junctions. Ben ran faster and faster, panic now dictating his actions, ignoring his body screaming in pain and the burning in his lungs. 

After passing many identical junctions of other corridors, Ben stopped. He stood in the middle of one of the junctions, looking down four identical hallways. A realization crept into his thoughts, one that felt irrefutable and wholly true.

Even if he had not been going in circles before, he was now.

Ben started running down a new hall, desperate to escape whatever trap he had found himself in, unable to think of anything else. When he came to another identical junction, he hung a left. Then a right, another left, left again, right one more time.

Then something finally changed.

Ben felt a presence.

It was up ahead. At the next junction. Ben was sure.

He ran a little faster and eventually came to a sliding halt at the next junction. He looked down one hall, then the other, and then back. When he looked back, there was a figure. Ben felt his stomach leap into his throat and nearly vomited at the shock.

Standing a ways down the hall, facing the opposite direction, was a figure clad in long black robes. Ben realized, with horror, that he recognized the figure. 

The knight turned slowly to face Ben. It was definitely who Ben thought it was. There wasn’t another Knight of Ren with quite the same build and presence as Kovos. Even if it had been years since their last interaction, Ben could recognize that monster in a heartbeat.

Kovos stared at Ben for a moment. Ben noted that his mask was different now, the shape altered and more silver cutting through black in a series parallel lines around the eyes. But then again, it had been nearly twenty years since Ben had last seen him. A lot could change in twenty years. Maybe the knight just wanted to change things up, or maybe his old helmet had become broken. It didn’t really matter either way.

Ben shuddered. Had it really been almost twenty kriffing years since that night? Admittedly, it was closer to fifteen years, Ben having been fourteen at the time and now almost thirty, but the sentiment still stood. He was and adult now, a man, no longer that scared boy whom Kovos had trapped under rubble and left for dead. Ben shook off the ghostly remembrance of screams and the smell of wet rock and his own blood.

Kovos moved again, reaching up and pulling back his hood. Ben was struck then by the familiarity he felt looking at Kovos’s full helmet now. The shape was eerily similar to that of Darth Vader.

“Kovos,” Ben said, merely more than a whisper. He hadn’t meant to speak, the word simply slipping from his lips as if his vocal cords were acting on their own.

There was a crackle of a laugh from the knight.

“No,” he said, the voice completely wrong, “you’re wrong.”

Ben stood frozen, watching as Kovos reached up and actuated the release on his helmet. There was a hiss and click as the mechanics of the thing worked to open. Then, agonizingly slow, the knight pulled the thing off his head.

The helmet fell to the floor with a dull thud, but Ben didn’t even register the sound. He was too busy staring in shock at his own face looking back at him.

The other man cracked a wicked smile, distorting the gnarled scar that crossed his face.

“Hello Ben, it’s been a while since we last chatted,” Ben’s own voice spoke to him.

And Ben knew, then, who he was talking to, who he was facing. The single most terrifying being to him in existence. The only thing that was more of a threat than Snoke. Kylo Ren.

“No,” Ben said, “no, you’re dead. I killed you.”

“Obviously not. Did you really think it would be that easy to get rid of me? I am you after all,” Kylo taunted, taking a step toward Ben.

“What do you want from me?” Ben questioned, taking a step back in fear.

Kylo chuckled darkly, “oh I think you know exactly what I want Ben.”

Ben did know. But he couldn’t let that happen.

“I’m not afraid of you.”

Kylo scoffed, taking another step forward. “We both know that’s a lie. You’re terrified of me. Terrified of becoming me. I can use that terror, use it to make us stronger. All you have to do is join me. We will become more powerful than anyone. We could rule this galaxy, destroy Snoke.”

Ben scrambled back, desperate to put distance between himself and Kylo Ren. He tripped over his own feet and fell, landing hard on his ass. Kylo unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and advanced on Ben.

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Just submit. If you don’t join me willingly, I will destroy you,” Kylo snarled.

Then, the sound of a blaster firing cut through the air. Ben ducked instinctively, though it would have been useless if the shot was meant for him, and heard the shot contact something solid. There was a grunt and Ben looked up to see Kylo Ren crumple to the floor. The black lightsaber fell from his grip and clattered to the floor. It would have rolled, Ben thought, if not for the two protrusions around the emitter. Ben tore his eyes away from the saber and Kylo Ren and looked in the direction the shot had come from.

Brown eyes met green and Ben felt his heart skip a beat.

Hux looked just as shocked as Ben felt, his hand visibly trembling as he lowered his blaster. The ginger broke eye contact to glance at Kylo Ren’s fallen body, then he locked eyes with Ben again.

“That wasn’t Kovos Ren, was it?”

Ben shook his head slowly. He tried to think of something to say, wanting to respond verbally to the general, but unable to organize his thoughts.

Eventually, he managed to spit something out, “you saved me. Why?”

“I-” Hux licked his lips, eyes darting to look at the fallen body again- “I don’t know.”

A beat passed, then Hux moved, a sort of jerking motion as if he had twitched violently. But it wasn’t just a twitch, the man forced himself to walk. Ben just watched as he stepped closer. Hux’s eyes were focused on the fallen body behind Ben, and Ben was sure he was going to walk over to it. But the general didn’t. 

Hux stopped next to Ben. He stared at Kylo’s body for a moment longer, then tore his eyes away and looked down at Ben. Ben was further surprised when Hux extended a hand to him. Ben eyed it suspiciously for a moment before he took it and let the general help him to his feet. 

Ben swayed on his feet once he was standing. He reached out a hand, steadying against the wall, in the same moment that Hux grasped his shoulder to steady him. Ben glanced down at the hand on his shoulder, then up at the general with a questioning look. Ben could sense a strange amount of concern coming from the other man. This was very odd behavior coming from a man that had held such contempt for Ben not so long ago. Then again, this whole situation was odd.

Hux removed his hand quickly and avoided Ben’s gaze. Ben thought be saw some color rise to the general’s cheeks.

“What are you doing in my dream?” Hux asked.

“What are you doing in my Force vision?” Ben shot right back.

Yes, that was the right word for this. There was no way Ben was experiencing a dream. Now that he had acknowledged it, Ben could feel the Force thrumming around him, tangling between Ben and Hux as they stood there. It was an odd sensation, almost as it the Force was trying to wrap the two up. It wasn’t nothing like Ben had felt before.

Hux shot Ben a dirty look. It was obvious the other man was conscious of what was happening. But why had the Force drawn him here.

“Who is that?” Hux asked, looking back at Kylo Ren, his gaze lingering on the face.

Ben turned and looked again on the body. He could just barely see the profile of Kylo’s face, obscured by his hair. A shiver ran down Ben’s spine at the sight. It was strange to look at his own face in such a context. Dead and lifeless, but also twisted by evil.

“Just a demon from my past.”

Ben forced himself to look away from the figure. He instead studied the profile of Hux’s face. Hux was still staring at Kylo, though he was probably aware of Ben’s gaze.

Ben found himself wondering how old the other man was. He couldn’t be much older than Ben himself, his face not yet bearing the marks of age. Though there were shadows under both sharp green eyes that spoke of long days and a difficult job. His skin was pale, so pale that Ben wondered if it had ever seen sunlight. Probably not, though Ben couldn’t stop imagining a little boy with fiery red hair and an even fiery personality running through the grass in play, his skin littered with freckles in the bright sunlight. Had the general ever had a childhood, or had he always been a soldier?

Hux looked sharply away from the body. He met Ben’s eyes and Ben saw a shift of expression in them, first of curiosity, then of annoyance. Hux seemed to scan Ben’s face for a moment and Ben saw a sliver of anger pass over his sharp features.

“I should have whoever did this to you shot.”

Ben blinked in surprise. Was the general expressing concern for him? Why now, of all times? Ben had been being tortured for what must have been weeks now, at the general’s order presumably, so why did he care about Ben’s injuries now? And there was no denying the emotions that Ben could feel from the other man, clear and tangible as if they were his own. There was anger and contempt, neither directed at him, and genuine concern underlaid with an undeniable sense of attraction, though Ben couldn’t tell of what nature. What the kriff?

Ben opened his mouth to respond, to question Hux’s behavior and feelings, but was cut off as the ground pitched violently. Ben was thrown off his feet, falling backwards. His head contacted the wall with a loud crack. At once he found himself back in the interrogation room, still strapped to the chair, the back of his head aching from where he was sure it had hit the wall just seconds before.

Ben looked around, confused and disoriented, jarred by the sudden change of scenery. The ship was shaking violently, and Ben slowly became aware of a horrible noise surrounding him. He couldn’t quite interpret it at first, but then it clicked into place. He was hearing the sound of explosions, blaring alarms, and that of metal being ripped apart. The ship was being attacked.

Ben looked down in the half-light of the red emergency light in the room and was disheartened to see his restraints back in place. He tugged against them feebly. They didn’t budge. Every fiber of his being was screaming at him to get the hell out of there. But Ben was trapped.

“Help!” he cried out, knowing it was useless but feeling that if he didn’t make some sound, he was going to have a panic attack immediately.

As expected, no one answered his call. Ben began struggling as much as he could against his restraints. He reached out with all of his remaining strength in the Force and tried to pry the restraints off, but they still didn’t budge.

Ben smelled the smoke before he saw it start to filter into the room. The lights also seemed to be dimming and Ben could feel the fear and panic of thousands of people running for their lives as the ship crumbled. Ben continued to struggle against his restraints, even if he knew it was useless. He was going to die here, wasn’t he?

A noise louder than those of the dying ship distracted Ben from his panic. He looked up in the direction of it and watched as the door to the cell was pried open. When the door was barely opened enough for a person to squeeze through, a head popped around it.

Poe’s eyes landed quickly on Ben and his face broke into a wide grin full of relief.

“Oh good, I was hoping this was the right cell. I didn’t want to pry open another door,” Poe said, slipping into the room.

Ben was too dumbstruck to respond. Poe circled around to the back of the chair and fiddled with something for a moment before Ben’s restraints released. Then Poe crossed back in front of Ben.

“Kriff, they really did a number on you. Can you walk?” Poe asked, looking Ben up and down.

Ben nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

Ben pushed himself forward out of the chair. His feet contacted the ground and he immediately crumpled to the floor. Poe let out a shout of surprise and knelt next to Ben.

“Apparently I was wrong,” Ben grunted.

Poe scoffed and muttered something rude before slinging Ben’s arm over his shoulder and hoisting the larger man bodily from the floor.

“Kriff, you weigh like a thousand pounds dude,” Poe snarked as he strained under Ben’s weight. “Ok, no time for that, we have to get out of here.”

Ben could only let Poe help him through the crack in the door and then down the halls of the Finalizer. The ship looked much different to how it had in Ben’s vision. The halls darkened and swarmed with stormtroopers and First Order officers, none of whom payed the two Resistance scoundrels much attention. They hurried down the hall and then took a sharp turn that Ben had not expected. Soon they were being carried forward in a throng of panicked people and found themselves in a hangar bay. 

“Oh great,” Poe huffed angrily, “someone stole my ship.”

Poe scanned the space, full of people crowding onto shuttles, and then began pulling Ben forward at an accelerated pace.

“Come on, let’s steal a TIE while we can.”

Poe dragged Ben over to the wall of the hangar where surprisingly few people were trying for the few TIE fighters that were left. Ben figured not many could fly the ships, as he saw the one they were headed for was a fairly elite one.

The climb up to the ship was difficult, and painful, but Ben managed it. Poe wrenched open the top of the ship with practiced ease, then helped Ben into the gunner’s seat. Poe dropped into the other position as Ben began flipping switches to get the ship going. 

“Okay, probably won’t have to fight anyone off, so just hold on tight,” Poe said as he fired up the engines.

They shot out of the hangar with incredible speed. Ben had to brace against the controls in front of him as the force of their acceleration tried to throw him out of his seat.

“Are you trying to kill me man? Go easy!”

“Sorry, I forgot how these things move,” Poe said back, maneuvering the ship through what remained of the First Order fleet.

It was then that Ben was able to see the destruction that had heralded the doom of the Finalizer. The ship had a long gash torn through it, bisecting the ship into two drifting halves. As Poe took the little TIE further and further from the destruction, Ben got more and more of the picture. There was a larger ship not far from the Finalizer and more and more star destroyers came into view. All of the ships had similar damage to the Finalizer, large gashes that cut the ships into shreds. The largest ship, which Ben had a creeping suspicion was Snoke’s ship, seemed to have fared the worst. Half of the ship was missing, and the other half was still in the process of exploding. Ben shuddered at the thought of what could have done such damage to a whole fleet like this. How had the Resistance come to possess it and why hadn’t Ben known about it?

“Ben! Listen to me damn it!” Poe shouted and Ben realized Poe had been speaking for some time. 

Ben shook himself out of his thoughts. “What? What is it?”

“I said I need you to comm in before our own people shoot us to death! My link is broken.”

Ben saw then the several Resistance fighters tailing them. He scrambled for the emergency comm mic and punched in the appropriate frequency with shaking hands.

“This is Commander Ben Solo in the TIE being pursued by several Resistance fighters. Cease fire! Repeat, Cease fire! I didn’t escape the First Order just to be shot out of the sky by my own people!” Ben shouted into the mic.

There was a pause before the speaker in the emergency comm crackled to life. “Ceasing fire, Red leader. Sorry for the misunderstanding. We’ll escort you back home.”

Ben sighed in relief.

“They’re gonna escort us back to the Raddus,” Ben said to Poe.

“The Raddus is gone Ben.”

Ben turned his head to the side in a futile attempt to look at Poe. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“It’s too much to explain now. There isn’t another carrier big enough for us to land in, we’ll just have to use hyperspace in this thing to get back to D’Qar.”

Ben fell silent unsure of what to make of Poe’s words. For the remaining short interval before they jumped to light speed, Ben was stuck staring at the debris field that had once been the First Order fleet. 

His mind drifted first to Snoke, wondering if that monster had been destroyed with his ship. He pushed those thoughts away and his mind then drifted to Hux. Had the general survived this? Some part of Ben hoped he had, though he didn’t understand why. It had been at General Hux’s hand that Ben had suffered for so long, and yet he couldn’t find it in himself to truly hate the man.

As the stars turned into streaks of light and the destroyed First Order fleet faded, Ben thought about the vision he had had. What had it meant? What was the Force trying to tell him? Kylo Ren’s appearance after all these years had to be a bad omen, even if that demon had fallen in the vision, but why had Hux been there? The other man hadn’t just been a vision, some intangible representation of the general, he had actually been participating in the vision. Ben had felt his presence, his emotions, even the heat of his hand that had helped him up and steadied him when he nearly fell. But there was no way the general was Force sensitive enough to have a vision like that, or to invade one. Something strange was happening and Ben didn’t like it. Thinking about it gave him an uncomfortable feeling in his gut that he didn’t know how to interpret. Ben pushed those thoughts from his mind and closed his eyes. Maybe he could actually get some good rest for once. It would probably be a bit before they reached D’Qar, and it would be better than entertaining his spiraling thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny bit longer than I would have liked to take between chapters, but here's the next one! I have found it is much more difficult for me to write anything with Hux that sounds compelling, than it is for me to write scenes with Ben. I don't know.   
> We are getting really close to my favorite scene in this whole fic, so hold on ;) Hope y'all enjoy.

“-ux. General Hux! Can you hear me?”

Hux opened his eyes and blinked up at the concerned face of Lieutenant Mitaka. He frowned in confusion and pushed himself up into a sitting position. The bridge was an absolute mess. Most of the personnel were gone, save a few that were either slumped in their chairs or trapped beneath rubble. Hux didn't even try to waste brain power on considering if they were alive. Smoke made it difficult to see much in the room and only served to diffract the light of sparks coming from many displays and control panels that must have been damaged in whatever happened.

Hux rubbed the back of his head, which was sore, presumably from striking the ground.

“Sir,” Mitaka said with some urgency, “we need to move. The ship is crumbling and I’m not sure how many transports are left.”

Hux let Mitaka help him to his feet and guide him through the smoke and rubble and off the bridge.

“What happened?” Hux asked, his head too foggy to put together the pieces.

“A resistance ship cut through the fleet at lightspeed, sir. You fell unconscious at the moment of impact.”

Mitaka's words didn't make much sense to Hux, but he also didnt have the mind to question the lieutenant further. The two hurried as quickly as they could down toward the closest hangar. Things were starting to slot together in Hux’s memory as they neared the large doors. He remembered reaching the Supremacy and being about to contact the ship when the Resistance fleet arrived. They had immediately engaged in fire fight with the ships, and things had been seeming to go well against their puny force, the larger ships beginning to retreat. But then, a sensors technician had noticed one of the Resistance ships turning to face the First Order fleet. Hux remembered feeling dread seep into his bones as the technician announced the ship was going to light speed. Hux had tried to order the destruction of the ship, but it was already too late. 

Then, the next thing he remembered was walking down the corridors of the Finalizer to find the prisoner Ben Solo facing down a Knight of Ren unarmed. Hux had fired on the knight without hesitation, thinking it was Kovos. It turned out not to be and Hux recalled having a slightly strange discussion with Solo. Then he woke up on the floor of the bridge.

Mitaka dragged Hux into the only remaining transport in the hangar. The ship was packed with other officers, people desperate to make an escape. Space was cleared for Hux to sit and the transport took off.

After a moment of rest, Hux forced himself to his feet. He needed to see the damage that had been caused. He needed to get back some semblance of control over the situation.

“Turn the ship to face the fleet, I want to see the damage,” Hux ordered as the transport hurried away toward a nearby planet.

The order was hesitantly followed and Hux watched out the viewport as the ship spun to face the First Order fleet. Hux felt the blood drain from his body as the whole scene came into view. The entire Fleet had been destroyed.

Sounds of distress and shock rippled through the packed transport, but Hux was deaf to them. His mind was racing, coming up with every possible outcome of this event. Two things kept returning to him; was Ben Solo alive, and how would Snoke react to this second failure if he too had survived.

Hux forced himself to straighten up. His mind scrambled to come up with the best solution for himself, and he wasn’t pleased by the outcome.

The First Order would be crippled beyond belief after this, there was no doubt about that. There were a few star destroyers left scattered about the galaxy, but both the Supremacy and the Finalizer, the two biggest guns in the fleet, had just been destroyed along with the majority of the fleet, which had been following the Finalizer and the Supremacy. If Snoke was still alive after this, there was no way he would tolerate this failure from Hux. Hux was certain Snoke would take his anger out on him, both for losing Ben Solo and for the destruction of the fleet. If Hux remained, he would die at the hands of the Supreme leader, he was sure of that. He couldn’t let that happen.

“Get as far away from here as possible,” Hux hissed at the pilots.

“Sir? Shouldn’t we regroup on the planet with the other survivors?”

“Did you hear me?” Hux nearly shouted. “Get out of here. Now. We have to get as far away from this mess as possible. Before Snoke notices our absence.”

Hush fell over the ship and Hux could feel tension building in the air. His officers were well trained, loyal, but not stupid. He knew they were picking up on his true intentions.

“Sir,” Mitaka said, approaching cautiously, “are you suggesting we flee? As in, abandon the Order?”

Hux stiffed, this was not going well, but he hadn’t entirely expected it to. He turned to face Mitaka, leveling the Lieutenant with a cold glare.

“And what if I am?”

Mitaka glanced around nervously, then did something Hux would have never expected out the timid man he had always thought was deadly loyal to him. Mitaka pulled his officer’s blaster out of its holster and leveled it at Hux.

“Then, I’ll have to remove you from duty for treason, as a deserter with intent to recruit.”

There was a moment of silence, as the other passengers on the transport watched in shock. Then, like the well-oiled machine that they were, the very machine Hux had built and was so very proud of, every available blaster was drawn on him. Well, this would be a better death than at the hands of Snoke, at least. It would likely be quicker than whatever Snoke would have planned for him. Hux saw no sense in fighting, he was vastly out gunned, so he just stood there.

“Very well,” he said.

Mitaka took survey of the crowd, then shifted nervously on his feet.

“Move, to the back of the ship.”

Hux obeyed, moving, and soon found the muzzle of Mitaka’s blaster pressed into the space between his shoulder blades. Hux had expected to be sat down, detained, but he was instead led to the single escape pod on the transport. Hux turned his head to look at Mitaka in confusion.

Mitaka turned to address the crowd, ignoring Hux’s questioning stare. “I am sorry to inform all of you that General Hux did not make it off the Finalizer in time. Seeing as the ship is by now deprived of oxygen and soon to be utterly destroyed, it is safe to assume his body is unrecoverable, and he is to be considered one of the many casualties of today.”

“Lieutenant, what are you doing?” Hux questioned.

“Shut up,” Mitaka snapped, pressing the blaster harder against Hux’s spine. “Get in the pod before I change my mind. You better get out of here and keep your head down, lest the First Order find you. You won’t get a second chance.”

Then Hux finally caught onto what was happening and felt like an idiot for not considering this as an option. Mitaka was sparing him, giving him a chance to escape Snoke without forcing the rest of the survivors on the ship to desert. Maybe the man still did have some loyalty, that or he just held affection for Hux. A dangerous thing for the officer, but oh so very lucrative for Hux.

Hux nodded and cast one final, withering stare on the remaining survivors in the transport.

“I suggest you all keep to Lieutenant Mitaka’s story. For your own sake,” He said, his voice dripping with as much venom as he could inject into it.

A few people shifted nervously under his stare and Hux felt satisfied that he still held some sway over them. He turned back to the pod and climbed in. Mitaka gave him one quick nod before closing the door and ejecting the pod. Hux watched for a moment as he drifted away from the ship and back toward the debris field.

Then, he focused himself on the limited controls in the pod. The planet tracking autopilot had not engaged, which was good. It meant Hux wasn’t immediately headed back into the hands of the First Order. Hux first disabled all emergency beacons and tracking systems; he didn’t want to be found by a comb team, if comb teams were even going to be sent out after this. It would be a miracle if the resources to assemble a single comb team existed at the moment. After he was sure the ship was untraceable, Hux turned it toward the planet they were over, Mirial. He engaged the thrust and started piloting to pod toward the planet and as far away from where the rest of the survivors of this destruction would land as possible. With any luck, he would be able to land and find transport off the planet before being recognized.

The Mirial system was located just off the Hydian Way, which in turn connected the entire galaxy. From there, Hux should be able to find passage to parts of space out of the control of the First Order. The reality of his situation was just starting to settle in. Hux was a deserter now. If the First Order ever found out that he had indeed survived this massacre and ran, he would be hunted down and executed. If the First Order survived this incident, that was.

The escape pod hit atmosphere and started jostling quite aggressively. Hux quickly strapped himself in and braced for the impact with the ground, praying that the minimal inertial dampeners in the craft would function. After what felt like an eternity, the craft slammed into the ground, the safety systems inside the pod doing little to lessen the rapid negative acceleration for Hux, who immediately lost consciousness.

For the second time that day, Hux regained consciousness in a dark and smoky place. This time, however, Hux was immediately aware of where he was. The smoke was coming from an unknown place and was highly concerning. Escape pods weren’t supposed to smoke. For that matter, they weren’t supposed to knock out their occupants with severe G-forces.

“Kriff,” Hux said, coughing against the smoke.

He had to get out of this damn thing before succumbing to smoke inhalation, or before it decided to blow up with him inside. Hux unclipped his restraints and felt around in the dark for the hatch release. His hand settled on the prominent lever and he pulled on it. With a hiss and a loud pop, the hatch released. What it did not do, as it was supposed to, was detach fully from the escape pod.

Hux growled in annoyance and pushed on the hatch. It didn’t budge. With a louder growl of annoyance, this one bordering on a shout, Hux slammed his shoulder into the hatch. The action worked as intended, if perhaps a little too well. The hatch separated from the ship then, and Hux followed after it, his momentum carrying him out of the craft and down onto the ground outside.

Landing flat on his back, Hux took a moment to seethe in rage at the way his day was going. Then, he pulled himself off the cold ground and made the decision to get away from the still smoking escape pod before the fuel tanks ruptured.

This planet was cold, bitterly so, and the sun was sinking fast toward the horizon meaning it was likely to get colder as darkness set in. Hux was thankful that he had worn his great coat today as he pulled the thick piece of cloth tighter around his slim frame. He needed to find shelter and fast before he froze. And so Hux started his long walk across the frigid desert.

Hux watched the sun, as it dipped lower and lower in the sky. He watched as it touched the mountains far away and began to sink behind them. As more and more of it disappeared behind the jagged black shapes, Hux began to lose hope of finding somewhere to sit out the night. There was no way he would survive a night out in the open. His instincts told him the temperature would get much, much colder after that light disappeared.

The cold had always been Hux’s least favorite. His slight build meant it was hard to maintain any body heat. As a child, growing up on drizzly Arkanis, Hux had always been shivering. His father had always yelled at him if he was seen trembling from the cold. Brendol would say it was showing weakness. Weakness was never acceptable in Brendol’s eyes. Hux had trained himself to not shiver. At first, the academy on Arkanis, and later the ships he was stationed on, had felt warm in comparison to the constant cool rain of Arkanis. But time had shown these places to be cold, in reality. It was what had brought about the great coat, and Hux was rarely without it. Many of those who disliked him as a leader had whispered that he wore it to appear physically larger. That was, before they were executed for treason.

At least it wasn’t snowing, Hux thought as he flipped the collar of his coat and trudged on. If there was one thing he hated more than the cold, it was snow. The cold could be tolerated, hidden from under layers and indoors. But snow often couldn’t. It would always find a way under even the tightest of clothing, soaking and freezing whatever skin and fabric it came in contact with. Snow was wet and cold and irritating, and it meant getting a mess of water everywhere.

A strong gust of wind ruffled Hux’s exposed hair and cut through his clothing. He shivered against the sudden drop in temperature and looked back toward the mountains. He felt his stomach twist as he watched the very last bright sliver of the sun sink below those looming shapes. Their darkness seemed to mock him as he continued forward, perhaps foolishly hoping for shelter. Part of Hux wished he had stayed with the escape pod. Even if it had exploded, at least he would have had the heat source of the resulting fire to stay near. But now he was out in the open with the wind and only his clothing to protect him.

Hux’s eyes came down from the silhouette of the mountains and he felt his stomach twist again. There were lights up ahead. So maybe he wasn’t going to freeze to death.

“Oh thank the stars,” Hux said aloud to himself.

Hux picked up his pace to a jog, wanting to get to warmth as quickly as possible. The lights quickly showed themselves to be a city. The outer reaches of it were small buildings, likely houses. These ones had fewer lights on that Hux could see. He pushed on, delving deeper into the light of the city. Soon, the buildings got larger and taller and Hux started seeing signs and a few natives milling about. Many of the signs were in a language foreign to Hux, likely the native language. He wandered for a while, trying to find something he could read or a building that looked even vaguely familiar.

The dense network of buildings and winding streets seemed to serve as a buffer from the wind, resulting in a slightly warmer temperature than the open plains. That being said, Hux was still woefully underdressed. The few people that were out, milling about the streets, were dressed in numerous layers, thick coats, and head coverings. Hux caught more than one stare from a passing citizen. The expressions ranged from confusion to sympathy to eye rolls that probably translated to, “look at that kriffing idiot, out here in practically his undergarments.”

Eventually, Hux spotted a sign in basic, indicating a bar. He pressed the exterior button to open the door and stumbled into the building. Immediately, a gust of warm, almost hot in comparison to the outside, air hit Hux. He stopped still just inside the door and stood, looking around and basking in the warmth. The establishment was dimly lit and mostly empty. Soft music played from somewhere, probably a hidden audio system, and the sound of hushed conversation drifted to where Hux stood at the door. Nothing seemed especially modern in here. The furniture looked to be made of wood and the floor was rough concrete. But nothing looked dirty. In fact, the place seemed rather well taken care of.

“You gonna come in, or just stand there?”

Hux’s eyes snapped to the person behind the bar, who had spoken. They were regarding him with a slightly annoyed but also kind expression.

Hux moved from his position by the door and up to the bar. The barkeep’s deep purple eyes followed him the whole time. The barkeep was a native Mirialan, the green skin of their angular face interrupted by traditional black tattoos. Hux did not know the meaning of the tattoos and tried not to stare.

“Where can I find lodging for the night?” Hux asked, keeping his voice soft and polite sounding.

The barkeep stared unblinking into Hux’s eyes for a moment, their look considering. Hux noticed as the distinctive eyes then dipped down to the sleeve of his greatcoat, lingering there for a moment. Disgust flashed across their features and Hux realized it was at the sight of the distinctive First Order markings that his clothing bore. He’d need to get rid of that quickly if he truly hoped to escape notice of the First Order.

“There’s a hotel down the street. I suggest you not make trouble though,” the barkeep said, nodding to the side, presumably in the direction the street continued.

“Thank you,” Hux said with a nod, ignoring the thinly veiled threat at the end of the barkeep’s sentence. It wouldn’t do him good to front the cold ass persona he used as General Hux. He wanted to avoid trouble. No sense in making himself noticeable.

Hux turned from the counter and hurried out of the building. He braced against the cold, it felt like the temperature had dropped further, and turned in the direction the barkeep had indicated. The hotel was several more blocks down the street, but Hux found it easily enough. His fingers already felt like ice again by the time he pressed the button to open the door.

Another warm wall of air greeted him. This place was just as rustic as the bar, much of the interior being made of wood. Hux approached the empty desk. He looked around, trying to see if there was an attendant, but saw no one. His eyes drifted down to the desk and spied what looked like some sort of bell. He picked it up and shook it, producing a clear ring. A door opened somewhere and Hux heard a series of footsteps approach. Then, another Mirialan appeared. This woman, who appeared to be quite old, her skin winkled and an ashy shade of yellow, almost grey, stopped in front of Hux on the other side of the desk.

“How can I help you?” she asked.

“I need a room for the night.”

“Certainly,” the woman said, kneeling to grab something from under the desk. She stood back up, a datapad in her hand.

She tapped through the device for a while, then slid it over the desk to Hux. He saw her glance at his sleeve as he picked up the device. He really needed to do away with those markings. The datapad held a room receipt. Hux read through it and signed it, then handed the device back over. The woman snatched it out of his hands with thin fingers and looked over it.

“This is in order. It’s one hundred credits for a night, though who knows how well those hold up anymore. I figure you don’t have anything else?” she said with a pointed glance at Hux’s sleeve.

“Just credits,” Hux said, as he pulled out a credit chip and set it on the counter.

The woman raised an eyebrow at the chip. It was much more than the cost of the room.

“The rest of that is to ensure your silence,” Hux said lowly. The woman’s eye’s snapped up to meet his. “I need you to forget my stay here.”

The woman looked back down at the chip and picked it up carefully. Hux watched as she turned the thing over in her ragged fingers. An agonizing moment of silence passed.

“I will be quiet about your stay here, General, but not because you have bribed my silence. I sense the Force has big plans for you. Beyond the First Order.”

A chill ran down Hux’s spine at her words, followed closely by the rising heat of anger. He wanted to snap at her about that magical nonsense but found himself incapable of speaking. Her words felt important, and uncomfortably true. But the Force was just a load of hubbub. Magic tricks, nothing else. But then again, Hux had experienced some strange things in recent weeks. He watched the woman pocket the credit chip and walk away, disappearing back to where she had appeared from before. Once she disappeared from sight, Hux forced himself away from the counter.

His room was small and simple, just containing a bed, a single chair, and a refresher. Hux removed his greatcoat then, now feeling too warm in the thing. At least the Mirialans knew how to properly heat their buildings. Many starship designers could learn from them. Hux made to toss the coat onto the chair but stopped himself before the garment left his grasp. He turned it over and gazed at the First Order insignia on the sleeve for a long moment.

The thing would need to be removed, if Hux wanted to truly disappear from the eyes of the Order. But another part of Hux felt conflicted. He had built his whole life around rising in the ranks of the First Order, and here he was, considering fully denouncing them. Sure, he couldn’t go back without fear of execution or torture, but did that mean he needed to fully cast off his loyalty? To simply throw away everything he had worked so hard for? Everything he had he had helped to build?

No, Hux thought to himself, he hadn’t built anything. The First Order was his father’s creation. All that Hux had managed to do was perhaps edit it slightly, changing the externals of the foundation that Brendol Hux had laid down.

A memory surfaced as Hux stared at the emblem, like a ghost appearing to haunt him.

_The door to Armitage’s room opened with a crisp swish. Armitage looked up from his studies to see his father standing in the doorway, the image of perfect posture._

_“Hello, father,” Armitage greeted Brendol in a timid voice._

_“Shut up, boy,” Brendol snapped loudly._

_Armitage flinched slightly at the outburst. A mistake._

_Brendol advanced and roughly grabbed his son’s arm, hauling the boy out of his chair. Armitage swallowed his cry of pain, from the crushing grip of his father, before it could escape his throat. Showing weakness would only lead to more pain._

_“I am severely disappointed in your progress in your studies,” Brendol said, dragging Armitage from the room, “I’ve made the decision to send you to the academy. There your learning will be closely monitored and enforced.”_

_Armitage craned his neck to look back at his room as he was dragged through the house. He had a feeling he would not see the room again._

_Brendol finally stopped walking in the foyer. He released his grasp on Armitage, sending the boy stumbling forward. Armitage quickly righted himself and stood at attention before his father. Brendol looked down at his son in disgust._

_“You are leaving immediately. The transport is already outside waiting for you.” Brendol stepped closer and leaned down to put his face right in front of Armitage’s. “They will break you; I’ve made sure of that. They will eradicate your weakness, your uselessness. You will become a weapon of the rising First Order. A loyal dog. You will be perfectly obedient to this beast I am helping create.”_

_Brendol smiled then, the first time in Armitage’s memory, though it was clearly not at his son. The smile was cruel and proud at the same time. Armitage knew his father was thinking of the First Order, a renewal of the Empire, that Brendol was making a reality. Brendol would never smile in pride at his son, Armitage knew this as a fact deeply ingrained in his being. His father would never be proud of him, Brendol had made that very clear._

_Armitage went away then, getting into the ground transport that waited for him in the rain. He looked out the window as the transport pulled away from the grand house. Armitage thought for a moment that he saw his mother standing at an upstairs window, watching him go away, but that wasn’t possible. She had been expelled from the house a year prior, just after Armitage’s fifth birthday. The transport turned onto the main road and Armitage lost sight of the house. Little did he know, that would be the last time he would see it for ten years. He turned his head to look straight ahead then, mentally preparing himself for whatever was coming next._

Hux’s grip on the coat tightened. No, he would not part of this any longer. He would no longer be a puppet to his father’s machine. Because that was all he had ever been, Brendol’s puppet. Hux tossed the great coat onto the bed and began removing his uniform shirt. As his fingers deftly undid the hidden clasps of the garment, he thought about his years of service in the First Order. At first, he had pushed himself as hard as possible, trying to do everything in his power to excel and impress his father. But eventually he had learned the futility in that. Instead, the focus of his efforts turned into trying to prove Brendol wrong about Armitage. The final act in that show had been rising above Brendol. Armitage had savored every moment of his father’s death, watching the shock in his eyes as his frail son strangled the breath out of him. In the very final moment, before life completely left those eyes, Armitage thought he had seen a flicker of pride. After the death of Brendol, Armitage strove to turn the First Order into his, quickly rising to the rank of general. He had spent the last few years thinking he was in control, that he had been melding the First Order into something different than Brendol had intended.

But this was an illusion, Hux came to accept as the last clasp on his overshirt came undone. The garment slid off his pale shoulders and landed softly next to the great coat on the bed. Hux had always been a tool of Brendol, even after the commandant’s death. The First Order had been built by Brendol, designed to the last minutia by the master strategist. From the moment of Armitage’s birth, he had been under Brendol’s control. He had been deluding himself thinking he had done anything to make the First Order his. If anything, it had only served to tighten Brendol’s grasp on him. Hux’s minor deviances, his occasional slip of information to the Resistance, were nothing in compared to his undying loyalty to the First Order. But that loyalty was built on fear, and fear was no way to control the man Armitage Hux had grown into. Brendol’s demise proved that. Hux wasn’t going to let his fear give his abusers, dead or alive, power over him anymore.

Nimble fingers immediately found cool metal on the inside collar of the uniform shirt. Hux pried the small medallion off the fabric and held it up to the light. His name and officer number was engraved on one side of the thing, the First Order insignia on the other. The metal soon lost it’s chill in Hux’s fingers. Once it did, he dropped it to the floor. He watched it bounce slightly, then clatter to stillness on the smooth floor. Then, he raised his heel and brought it down sharply on the thing. The sound of his boot contacting the floor downed out the crunch of the integrated tracker being crushed, but Hux knew it had been done. He had designed the identification badges; he knew their limits. There had been no way to make such a small piece of identification invulnerable to sharp impacts. That was why they were worn under the collar, where it was highly unlikely an officer would experience a sudden impact.

Hux then turned to the clothing on the bed. A flicker of hesitation crossed his mind, but Hux pushed it down. There was no going back now. He was a defector, and he was rapidly coming to terms with the horrible trap he had played himself into. Hux bent down and drew his knife out of his boot. The blade slid easily under the rank stripes on his great coat. He slid the blade along each of the two silver and black stripes, breaking the adhesive bond between them and the fabric beneath. The stripes slid off the sleeve in two neat circles. Hux then removed the First Order insignia patch in a similar fashion. The uniform shirt proved to be more difficult, these markings having been sewn to the fabric instead of simply held on with adhesive. The great coat was not standard uniform; Hux had had it altered specifically for him.

Once he was finished, Hux sheathed his knife and stepped back to examine his work. The great coat looked near perfect, only the slightest darkening where the patched had been visible. It would be impossible to tell anything had once been on the sleeve of it, unless one knew exactly where to look. The uniform shirt was another story. This had more damage along the areas that the patches had been, small holes and bits of thread sticking out all over the place. Hux sighed and shook his head. He should probably get a different shirt anyway. One that didn’t resemble the First Order uniform. But that was a problem for tomorrow.

Hux moved the clothing to the chair. He went and used the refresher, then returned to the room and undressed the rest of the way down to his under garments. Then Hux climbed into the bed and lay there for hours, unable to sleep. Tomorrow he would find a way to distance himself further from the First Order.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, first off, sorry for making y'all wait so damn long for this chapter. I had some personal shit that I needed to work through that got in the way of writing. I've decided to adopt a weekly update schedule of every Friday, just to keep myself accountable.  
> Just like two more chapters or so before we get to my favorite bit and our lovely dysfunctional boys meet again! Hope y'all enjoy this chapter, and I promise the next one will be out faster!

The stolen TIE landed in an empty space on the Resistance flight strip. The flight strip was a little busy, pilots landing X-wings and A-wings left and right with all sorts of people running in between, celebrating the success and welcoming back the pilots. 

“You still with me there, bud?” Poe asked, powering down the ship.

“Yeah, it’s not that easy to get rid of me,” Ben responded.

Poe snorted in response and released the hatch. Ben craned his neck to stare up at it as Poe pushed the thing open and crawled up to get out.

“I’m gonna go get a ladder so you don’t die trying to get out of this thing. It’s really damn high off the ground,” Poe said, looking down at Ben, “I’ll just be a minute.”

Ben nodded and watched Poe haul himself out of the craft. Once his friend was no longer visible, Ben looked down and out of his viewport. He could see only the forest beyond the base and a few technicians circling the TIE. Leave it to Poe to land them at the end of the flight strip and face Ben away from everything exciting. But, at least Ben was home.

The sound of the ladder hitting the side of the ship startled Ben slightly and he turned around to gaze out of the other viewport, much to the protest of his wounded body. He could see the ladder resting against the viewport and watched Poe climb it. It looked unsteady. Ben wasn’t terribly enthused about climbing out of the ship on that thing.

“Alright,” Poe said, appearing over the open hatch again, “let’s get you out of this thing.”

Ben grabbed Poe’s offered hand and used it as leverage to haul himself up and out of the hatch. His arms shook badly on the top of the TIE as he maneuvered his legs out of the ship. Poe kept his hands outstretched, hovering and ready to grab Ben if he were to slip on the rounded surface. Ben paused once his legs were free, catching his breath. He had to have a few broken ribs, as every inhale was painful and stilted. He took a moment to just take a deep breath in of the air of the planet. It was by no means clean, being filled with exhaust fumes from all of the recently landed ships, but that was nice. He could smell that exhaust as well as dirt and greenery. There was character to the air, variety that spoke of home. It was much different than the stale air of the Finalizer and the constant lingering stink of the antiseptic used to clean Ben’s blood off the floor of the interrogation room on a daily basis. 

“You good?” Poe asked.

Ben turned to look at his friend and nodded. “Yeah, just needed to catch my breath.”

Poe looked concerned and tired. Ben tried not to worry too much about the other man, he was in a worse state after all. Ben turned away from Poe and focused his attention on the ladder. There looked to be no less than four technicians at the base of the ladder steadying it. That wasn’t very encouraging. Ben scooted closer to the top of the ladder and awkwardly positioned himself to climb down it. The top of the TIE was treacherously smooth and round which made it all the more difficult for Ben’s weak and painful body to navigate without risk of sliding off and onto the ground some twenty or so feet below. The climb down the ladder wasn’t as bad as Ben had anticipated. The thing didn’t fall over, for one, and the technicians on the ground seemed to be doing a good job of keeping it steady. Ben was still glad though when his feet touched the ground. 

He took a step away from the base of the ladder to give Poe space to descend, but then Ben just stood and savored the feeling of standing on the pavement of the flight strip. As much as Ben loved being up in space, simulated gravity could never quite beat the real thing. Each and every planet had it’s own feel to it, it’s own weight and pull. D’Qar, while not the planet Ben had spent most of his time on, felt like home. This is where his family had finally felt like family. This was where he had stood beside his mother and father and helped plan moves against the rising First Order as equals. Ben had never once felt alone here with the whole of the Resistance swarming around him.

“Ben!” 

Rey’s shrill cry was the only warning Ben got before the girl charged into him, nearly knocking him over with a violent hug.

“Shit, ow,” Ben hissed in pain. Rey’s grasp on him was surprisingly strong and managed to dig into his wounded ribs.

Rey released him immediately, backing away several feet, and looked up at him apologetically. “Sorry.”

Ben shook his head slightly, dismissing the apology, but then his foggy brain caught up to the present moment.

“Wait. You just hugged me. Why? I thought you hated me?”

“I don’t hate you,” Rey said defensively. She took a half step back, leaning on the foot and crossing her arms. “And I was worried about you! This is the thanks I get for saving your sorry ass?”

“Okay, I get it, I’m sorry,” Ben said quickly, trying to not piss off Rey further. Better to not destroy any sort of positivity between them. “Thank you for saving me.”

Ben shot Poe a pleading look, wanting some help out of the conversation, but Poe just shrugged, a small smirk on his face. He glanced at Rey, and briefly at something behind her.

“Speaking of which,” another voice spoke, “we should probably discuss exactly what happened to make your rescue possible.”

Ben’s eyes snapped around in shock and surprise. Standing just behind Rey, a playful smile on his face, was Luke kriffing Skywalker. Ben felt his jaw go slack in shock.

“Hello Ben,” the Jedi said, his tired eyes sparkling with amusement.

“Uncle,” Ben breathed, “you’re here. You’re really here.”

Luke chuckled slightly. “Yes, your friend here hunted me down and made a very convincing argument for why I should return. It was about time anyway. Something in the Force was demanding my attention here.”

Ben looked back at Rey, still shocked. The smirk on her face was a taunting one, as if she were silently saying “see what I did? I got your deadbeat uncle to comeback and saved your life. What’ve you got?”

“I’m sure you have a thousand questions,” Luke said, coming forward and resting a gentle hand on Ben’s shoulder, “but right now I think you should get to medical.”

Ben nodded and muttered a response, “Yeah. Right. I should do that.”

Ben didn’t make any attempt to move. His brain was swimming with so much information and it just wouldn’t focus. He felt like he was drifting on a tumultuous ocean.

Luke wrapped his arms around Ben, gently but firmly. Ben didn’t even think, his arms coming up of their own accord to hug Luke back. They remained like that for a long moment. Then Luke let go and stepped away. There was a look in the Jedi’s eyes that said a thousand unspoken words. Ben didn’t know what to do, so he just held Luke’s gaze. He still didn’t entirely believe that Luke was here. It seemed so impossible after how long Luke had been gone and how hard Ben had searched for him.

“Alright big guy,” Poe said, breaking the moment, “you’re starting to literally tremble. Let’s get you to medical before you go into shock.”

As Poe reached for Ben’s arm, to sling it over his shoulder, Ben realized he was indeed trembling. He didn’t know if it was from the state his physical body was in or all of the adrenaline in his blood. Poe took a step forward and Ben tried to carry his own weight but found his legs even weaker than they had been before. One knee buckled and Ben tripped slightly. Poe yanked on the arm around his shoulders, his other arm coming up to hold Ben under the armpit.

“Don’t fall over on me now,” Poe groaned under Ben’s weight.

“Sorry,” Ben muttered. He shifted his weight over, leaning onto Poe and taking as much help walking as Poe was able to provide.

The flight strip was a little chaotic, pilots running all over and people celebrating left and right, but that did not hinder Ben and Poe’s progress. People moved out of their path, almost jumping out of the way, and about halfway to the base a medical team met them and Ben was settled on a cart. He was taken to medical and transferred to a bed where his wounds were quickly assessed with a mediscan unit. Poe hovered anxiously nearby. Ben couldn’t actually see him, being surrounded by a fair portion of the medical staff despite the beds in medical possessing several other patients. Apparently being the son of the general got you special treatment. He could feel Poe’s presence though, through the Force. It was more a radiating mass of anxiety and concern than anything else, but it was comforting to Ben, nonetheless. It was the precise and familiar anxiety that Poe always had when Ben got hurt.

Long ago, when they were both still kids, Poe had confessed deeper feelings for Ben. It had been a shock to Ben at the time. He hadn’t known how to respond, having no similar feelings for Poe. But they’d always been honest with each other, sometimes brutally so, and so Ben hadn’t been afraid to flat out tell Poe he didn’t feel the same way. Poe had taken it with grace, saying he just needed to be honest with Ben about his feelings. Nothing changed between them, and two weeks later Ben had come out to Poe as aromantic, after much introspection. Poe had taken Ben’s coming out better than Ben had expected. He welcomed Ben with open arms, saying it changed nothing, that they were still best friends. Ben could feel Poe’s heart break though in that moment. Poe’s romantic feelings for Ben had faded with time, but Ben was certain they had never fully dissipated. Ben knew Poe loved him, and Ben loved him back. Poe was the brother Ben never had, his best friend. Only, Ben didn’t really know how much of Poe’s love for him was that same brotherly love or something deeper. It didn’t really matter, in the long run, Poe would always respect Ben. But Ben found himself wondering on occasion if he was the source of any pain for Poe.

If he was, Poe was very good at suppressing the feelings to a level Ben could not pick up on them. Being an empath had both its advantages and disadvantages. As a young child, Ben had always been especially in tune with his mother’s emotions. It had served to tell him exactly when she was upset. Those times were usually after an argument with Han and Ben would always seek her out after and the two would cuddle. As a teenager, Ben had learned the bitter side of being an empath. Snoke had used it to twist his mind and torture him, convincing Ben that he was feeling constant contempt from his fellow students. Once free of Snoke’s influence, Ben had worked hard to control his ability to sense other’s emotions, repressing his empathy to the back of his mind out of a desire to never let it be a weakness to him again. Of course, in times like these, where Ben was injured and exhausted on multiple levels, his control slipped, and he sensed things more.

The medical team around him eventually dwindled once his injuries were determined not to be life threatening. Soon he was just left with just a technician who was tasked with cleaning his wounds and applying bacta and bandages. They’d given him pain medication almost immediately and Ben was beginning to feel drowsy. He lay there while the technician tended his wounds and stared up at the ceiling.

Ben’s brain sluggishly moved through thoughts, trying to process everything that had happened. He was free of the First Order. The First Order Fleet was completely wrecked. Rey had seemed concerned about him, an improvement from her previous hatred. Luke was back, miraculously. Ben’s brain drifted back to the First Order. He remembered seeing one absolutely massive ship in the destruction. That must have been Snoke’s flagship. Had Snoke survived the attack? Ben hoped he hadn’t; that would make things a lot easier for the Resistance. That and Ben didn’t like the thought of that monster continuing to exist. Then Ben’s brain drifted to General Hux. He wondered if the general had survived. Ben had made it off the ship, so there was every possibility that General Hux had as well.

Ben’s eye lids were becoming heavy and he found it harder and harder to hold on to consciousness. As he drifted off to sleep, finally giving into the urge, he recalled the way the general had looked at him in that vision and the emotions Ben had sensed from the other man. It was a puzzle that Ben couldn’t solve right now, but he also found himself not feeling any ill feelings for the general.

His last thought as darkness claimed him was a fleeting hope that General Hux had survived.

\---

Ben woke to a dry feeling in his mouth and a dull ache in his whole body. He opened his eyes and looked around the darkened medical bay. He saw the beds on either side of him were empty, the occupants likely discharged sometime before for only very minor injuries. Ben pushed himself up onto his elbows and surveyed the rest of medical. Only a few other beds had occupants. There also seemed to be someone in the bacta tank, poor bastard.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

Ben turned to look in the direction of the voice and saw the head doctor walking toward him.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“Thirsty, and sore,” Ben answered, “but glad to be home.”

The doctor nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I’ll go get you some water and check your vitals. Your mother wants to see you as soon as you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

The woman walked away, going into another room. Ben laid back down and waited. She returned shortly and Ben sat up fully this time to drink the water. As he sipped from the small cup he had been handed, the doctor waved a medi-scanner over him. Ben watched her from the corner of his eye.

“You seem to be in remarkably good condition for seeming to have been tortured for a while. You should feel lucky.”

Ben just laughed slightly. Yeah right, because he could have ended up much worse or even dead. That was definitely something to feel lucky about. Ben turned and handed the cup to the doctor then swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

“I better go see my mother then. Thanks for the water, and the medical care.”

“Of course,” the doctor responded and stepped out of the way.

Ben felt her watching him as he stood and took a few slow, testing steps. His legs seemed sturdy enough and so Ben walked himself out of medical.

The base was fairly quiet as Ben walked toward his mother’s office. It seemed to be early in the morning, as the lights were on and there were a few officers milling about. Not early enough that Leia would be asleep, but earlier than Ben usually woke up.

Ben reached Leia’s office shortly and realized that he was still wearing the same clothes he had been for weeks. Ben cringed but figured it was a bit late to change, seeing as he was already poised to knock on the door. Oh well, Leia could deal with him looking a mess. It would probably lessen whatever scolding was coming. The sound of Ben knocking echoed slightly in the empty corridor.

The door slid open almost immediately after Ben’s hand had left the surface. Inside, Leia was sat at her desk with her chin rested in her folded hands, elbows propping the whole scowl up. She looked mad, but also didn’t seem to be looking at Ben, more so through him. Luke was also there, sat at the other side of the desk. He turned and smiled at Ben softly. It was still strange for Ben to see his uncle there in the flesh after so long. One of the two must have opened the door with the Force. Ben stepped into the room.

“Good morning Ben,” Luke said, “how are you feeling?”

“Better than yesterday. Still a bit sore though.”

Luke nodded and gestured to the chair beside him. Before Ben could move to sit, Leia sighed and put her hands down. She turned her gaze on Ben and Ben knew immediately he was about to be scolded. It would be better to stand for this.

“What is it with you and making us think you’re dead?” Leia asked. She sounded more annoyed and tired than angry. Ben didn’t respond and Leia continued before he could, “Seriously Ben. You can’t keep pulling this crap. If not for my sake, then Poe or your father’s. Kriff! Even those two you picked up on Jakku were mourning you!” Leia stood suddenly, smacking her hands on the desk. She began to pace the room. “And not to mention the audacity you had in finally telling us you were alive. Seriously? Communicating with Rey through the Force? You couldn’t have reached out to me, or even your kriffing uncle? Please tell me you don’t have a thing for that girl that makes her more important than family.”

“Mom, you know I’m not like that!” Ben retorted, taking a step toward his mother.

Ben could feel the heat of anger rising in him at his mother’s accusations and he really didn’t have the mind to stop it.

“Leia, leave the boy alone. None of this was intentional.”

Leia and Ben both stopped and turned to look at Luke. Luke gestured to their seats.

“Sit. We need to discuss what happened between Ben and Rey, because it shouldn’t have been possible.”

“What do you mean?” Ben asked.

Leia shook her head and dropped wearily into her chair, sinking back against the cushions. Ben glanced between the two of them before taking the seat beside Luke. There was a moment of silence that passed.

“I’m sorry Ben. I really need to stop blowing up at you every time you do something like this. I just get so worried and I don’t know how to better handle it,” Leia said, breaking the silence.

“It’s ok mom, I’m used to it. I know you do it out of love.”

“That doesn’t make it ok Ben. I’m too hard on you, I always have been, and I’m sorry for that,” Leia reached a hand across the desk toward Ben, a peace offering.

Ben took the signal for what it was and put his hand in his mother’s. His hand dwarfed hers, but that didn’t stop Leia giving Ben’s hand a gentle squeeze. Leia then let go and turned to look at Luke.

“So, Luke, go ahead and tell him what you told me.”

Ben turned to his uncle, eager now to figure out why the Hell the Force was connecting him and this strange girl from the middle of kriffing nowhere. Luke gazed back at Ben, his piercing blue eyes considering in their depth. 

“I’ve spoken with Rey, and your mother, in depth about Rey’s experience with coming into contact with you. That being said, I’d like to hear your side of things, since I know you are much more in tune with the Force. I think that might clear a lot of my uncertainties about what’s happening here,” Luke said.

Ben takes a moment to collect his thoughts. This was not what he had been expecting when he walked to his mother’s office. The events of the past weeks, or however long Ben had been on the Finalizer, seemed to cloud his memory of everything prior.

“I guess I should start at the beginning, huh?” Ben looked up at Luke, who just nodded slightly. Ben ran a hand through the mess that was his hair and huffed out a sigh. 

“Well, it started shortly after I woke up- er. I was in a coma for six months. Disastrous mission, yadda yadda, you know?” Luke hummed in agreement. “Anyway, this all started after I woke up. I started feeling this pull, through the Force. It started small but got quickly stronger and more insistent. There was a point where I just couldn’t ignore it anymore; the pull almost felt physical, like someone was trying to drag me toward the source. I panicked at first, thought it was Snoke again, tried to repress the feeling, but wasn’t successful. It eventually became too much, and I went to talk with mom. She explicitly forbade me from following it, also fearful of Snoke, and I listened, at first. That only really lasted a few hours before I decided kriff it and left, consequences be damned. The pull was just too intense. Anyway, the Force led me to Jakku and across the desert. I ended up finding an old AT-AT walker that someone had been living in. After a while, Rey showed up and I realized the pull was coming from her. I tried to convince her to come with me, but she resisted. Some other shit went down, we found BB-8, Poe, and Finn and nearly got shot by the First Order, but eventually made it back to D’Qar. After that, the pull kinda dissipated. I don’t know, it was very busy once we returned and I didn’t have much time to talk to her, planning the assault on Starkiller. Which is where I was captured.” Ben paused and took a breath, feeling this next part of the story most important. “After I don’t even know how long on the Finalizer, Rey just kinda, appeared. I don’t know how better to explain it. One moment I was alone, then I felt a presence and looked up and there was Rey. We talked, I told her where I was and begged her to tell mom. Then she kinda flickered and just blipped out of existence. You know what? Now that I’m thinking about it more, I think Rey appeared to me a couple of times before that too.”

“Oh?” Luke said, interrupting and raising an eyebrow. The Jedi cast a glance at his sister before looking back at Ben.

“Yeah,” Ben continued, “there was a shadow in my room one night, then I heard Rey speak a couple of times. Scared the crap out of me each time, but I guess I just forgot about it.”

“Interesting,” Luke said with a nod.

The room fell into silence again and Ben waited anxiously for his uncle or mother to say something, to offer some sort of explanation for this connection. Luke sat and looked thoughtful for a long while, stroking his beard absentmindedly.

“I’ve spoked about this at length with Leia, the parts that Rey described at least, seeing as Leia and I are the only two I’m aware of that know significant amounts about the Force and are on the same side. I tried to reach out to any of my old masters, too, but wasn’t able to get in touch. That’s besides the point though.” Luke shifted position, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. Ben was reminded of how Luke would tell stories at the Temple to the younglings, always managing to fully captivate anyone who happened to listen. “Ancient texts speak of a type of connection that can happen between Force sensitive individuals. It’s very rare, and the last time it happened was well over 1000 years ago, form what my research has told me. It is an intense type of Force bond, one of the closest and strongest that can happen if not the most extreme. It is one that makes two individuals practically one whole, sometimes acting and thinking as one being. From what I’ve read, these pairings are usually exceptionally strong in the Force and can make an unstoppable team. It is known as a dyad in the Force.”

Ben let out a breath he hadn’t know he was holding and leaned as far back in his chair as he could. Luke’s words held a strange weight to them and Ben knew inherently that what he had said was somehow correct.

“So,” Ben said at length, once his brain had finally organized into coherent thought, “what does this mean for us- Rey and me that is?”

Luke sighed and sat up straight. “I don’t really know Ben. Like I said, this thing hasn’t happened forma very long time and there are very few records from the old Jedi Order to shed anymore light on this. It’s really up to the two of you now to figure out what it means, is my guess. I was able to sense the bond, the awakening of it, all the way from Ahch-To. That’s what had me considering returning even before Rey found me, just to figure out what I had sensed so strongly. I have a feeling others were probably able to feel it as well. If they know half as much as I do about the Force, they will suspect something powerful has come to being. Rey needs to be trained, properly. Both for her safety and the galaxy’s, if you understand my meaning.”

Ben did, and it was not a pleasant thought to entertain in the slightest. The mere consideration of Snoke coming back into play in Ben’s life was enough to make him feel instantly nauseous and anxious. Ben took a deep breath to try and calm himself.

“You want me to train her, don’t you?” Ben asked. He had sensed it from Luke, the lack of desire to train Rey. He didn’t blame Luke, not after what had happened all those years ago. But maybe there was more to this. Maybe there was a deeper reasoning behind why the Jedi wanted Ben to teach Rey. Something to do with this so-called dyad bond they shared.

“If you’re up for it,” Luke responded, sounding hopeful. “I think it would be best for your bond, and your own training as well. A Jedi learns almost as much from their padawans as they do their master.”

Ben shrugged. “I mean, I’m fine with training her, but I don’t know if she will be willing. I’m still not convinced she doesn’t hate me completely. I did sort of kidnap her.”

Luke let out a sudden laugh, like he had been physically incapable of containing it.

“What?” Ben asked, feeling mild offence at the outburst.

“Nothing,” Luke said shaking his head, “just you might want to reconsider Rey’s feelings. She was very persistent with getting you rescued. Leia almost wasn’t ready to believe you were alive out there. I managed to convince her to listen to Rey.”

Ben turned to look at his mother who nodded in affirmation of Luke’s statement. Ben remembered something then, something he had tried to get an answer to right after his rescue but hadn’t.

“Speaking of my rescue, what happened with he First Order Fleet? That level of destruction; I didn’t know we were capable of it.”

Leia’s expression pinched in immediately looking pained and Ben regretted his decision to ask. Leia looked down at the worn top of her desk and sighed deeply, closing her eyes for a moment. Ben could feel pain from her, which only furthered his feeling of regret.

“Admiral Holdo sacrificed herself to save the Resistance,” Leia started, her voice low and slow as if picking her words carefully. “The fight was going very poorly; we were far out gunned and losing ships fast. Holdo had an epiphany, though I’d honestly consider it more of a desperate idea. She had the Raddus immediately evacuated and took control of it, alone. She turned that damn ship right at the densest part of the First Order Fleet and sent it to lightspeed. The weapon that destroyed the First Order Fleet was the Raddus itself.”

Ben felt his blood turn to ice and his stomach drop. Every pilot with half a brain knew the biggest danger with lightspeed travel was the possibility of hitting something. That’s why nav computers existed, to prevent horrific accidents like that. To intentionally aim your ship at solid matter and go to lightspeed; that was a suicide stunt. And apparently it made a horrifically effective weapon.

“She,” Ben said, fumbling for words, his mouth dry all of a sudden, “wow. That’s insane.”

Leia nodded silently in response, still staring at the desk. Ben felt a strong wave of hurt from her and swallowed roughly. He came to his senses and reached across the desk to take some of her hands.

“I’m sorry mom,” Ben said gently, “I know you were close to her.”

Leia nodded again and sniffed. She brought her head up to look Ben directly in the eyes.

“She was a brave woman and died an honorable death. She will be missed but will also be remembered as a hero. Besides, she is still with us, through the Force.”

Silence fell again and Ben noticed Leia looking him up and down. Her expression shifted to one of motherly concern.

“You should go get changed, Ben. Those clothes are filthy, you’ve got to be uncomfortable in them. There’s a meeting later of the seniority to discuss next steps, but I’ll understand if you don’t make it.”

Ben withdrew his hand and stood from his chair, hearing the dismissal in her words. He was somewhat glad to have an excuse to leave the heavy atmosphere of the room though.

“I’ll be there, don’t worry,” Ben said with a nod to his mother.

Ben turned to look at Luke then and the two held each other’s gazes for a second. There was so much that Ben wanted to say to his uncle, so much he wanted to ask, but right now wasn’t the right time. Ben broke eye contact and awkwardly patted Luke’s shoulder. He turned and hurried to the door then, wanting to avoid any more talking.

The door shut with a soft hiss behind Ben and he found his thoughts immediately meandering and colliding. They weren’t quite racing as he turned and started walking to his quarters, but there were a lot of them, and they were very hard to pay attention to. Ben just allowed the thoughts to drift by him, not paying any one much attention. He frankly didn’t have the energy to deal with most of them. So much had happened in the last few days, Ben would need to spend a considerable amount of time meditating to process it all.

Ben was soon enough at the door to his personal quarters. He punched in his security code and watched the door slide open. The space beyond was temporarily dark before the automated lights blinked on. Ben stepped inside and let the door close behind him. The room was unchanged, as it always was when Ben returned to it. He stood there, in front of the door for a moment and let his thoughts continue to swim. One particularly loud one surfaced, begging him to think of what it would mean to have Rey as a padawan. Ben decided he would let that thought stick around, for later consideration. But now, he needed to get out of the jumpsuit he had been wearing for weeks and take a shower. Anything else could wait till later.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A day late, but better than two weeks. Eh?  
> Hope y'all enjoy.

Weak light from an unfamiliar sun woke Hux from his light sleep. He blinked open his eyes and looked around the tiny room, trying to get his bearings. It didn’t take long for him to remember where he was and the circumstances of his being there. He must have fallen asleep without realizing. Hux wondered briefly how long he had slept but knew deep down that it couldn’t have been more than a handful of hours at most.

Hux sighed heavily and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. His eyes drifted down to the floor, categorizing and orderly storing his memories for later. His eyes settled on a glint of metal; his crushed badge. The word defector began loudly rattling around in Hux’s brain, demanding every inch of attention bear witness to it. 

“Enough!”

The shout sounded weirdly muffled in the mostly wooden room and Hux felt a slight flush of embarrassment at speaking so loudly at such an early hour. He groaned and rubbed his face roughly. He really needed to get over this. A part of his brain warned to not take things too fast, that he’d lived his entire 34 years of life under the hand of the First Order and it would take a while to reprogram his brain away from the trauma. He was now in a fight against everything he had ever been trained and told to think.

A few steadying, deep breaths served to calm the echoing thoughts. He sat for a moment longer, just breathing, then Hux stood and walked to the refresher. As Hux got ready for the day, he kept focused on planning; planning his day, planning his escape, planning how he was going to keep out of the sight of the First Order.

First thing, he would need to exchange is clothes for something less, iconic. There was no doubt in Hux’s mind, that even if someone didn’t manage to recognize him by his face, the First Order uniform would give him away. It would be strange to wear something different after so long in uniform, but it would just have to be another thing in Hux’s transition. After his clothing was taken care of, Hux needed to get off the planet as quickly as possible. The longer he stayed, here where the rest of the First Order that had survived the attack had landed, the higher the likelihood he would be discovered. Hopefully there was a spaceport in this city.

Hux looked at himself in the mirror above the sink, really looked at himself for the first time in a very long time. There were shadows under his eyes, the result of a sleepless life. He examined the fine layer of stubble on his chin. The hair was light and only noticeable if looked at closely. It didn’t matter anyway, Hux did not have a razor to shave with. He would have to tolerate the inevitable beard for a while. His hair was a similar story. It hung forward loosely. He had no hope of keeping it in the usual style without product. But the new style would be beneficial. He was renowned in the First Order for being neat in ever aspect of his appearance. These deviations would further hide him.

Hux left the refresher and began dressing. Once fully dressed, Hux fastened his greatcoat, covering his underclothing. This was both for warmth and to hide his uniform. Then he left the room. He made his way to the front of the inn. The old woman was standing behind the counter. She smiled slightly at him.

“Leaving?” she asked.

“Yes, thank you for the room. And your silence,” Hux responded.

“Be thankful you came to a friendly part of this planet. There are those who would see you tossed to the wilds, if they recognized you. Watch yourself out there, there are many wolves out there that would want to see the blood of a fox spilled on the snow, but you may be surprised to find some who will welcome you into their pack.”

Hux’s brain could not come up with an answer to what the woman had told him. It was such an odd statement in the way of its analogy and something about it chilled him slightly. He turned from her gaze and pushed the button to open the door. As he stepped out into the cold, Hux pulled the collar of his coat up again around his neck. It was warmer than it had been the night before, but still much, much colder than Hux would have liked. The sooner he was off this planet, the better.

Substantially more people were out and about now as Hux wandered down the streets of the city. As minutes passed, the crowds only grew in number and Hux was relieved to see that he wasn’t the only non-native there. Good, he wouldn’t stand out as much. 

Like the people, the buildings became more numerous and densely placed. It seemed the city was much larger than Hux had initially thought. More signs in basic began appearing and Hux eventually spotted one that indicated a clothing store. He stepped out of the crowd and went inside the store, shaking off the chill. The interior was much more modern than the past two establishments Hux had visited. There was still a rustic quality to the interior, but not to the wooden degree of the bar and the inn. Hux drifted through the shop for a while, looking at the clothing there, but not really seeing any of it. The cogs of his mind were still whirring away, scheming and planning. Hux eventually came to stand at the checkout counter. He made up his mind then about one of his many current problems.

“Hi, how can I help you?” the person behind the counter asked.

“I have a strange request,” Hux said, leaning in slightly, “could I possibly trade some of the clothes I am wearing for new ones?”

The shopkeeper raised an eyebrow. “Why, if I may ask?”

“Let’s just say I need to gain some anonymity, and I’m a bit strapped for cash.”

The last bit was a lie, but a harmless one. What credits Hux had left might mean the difference between life and death later on. He could not justify spending any on clothing.

“Ah,” the person said, nodding, “I understand. I won’t question further. Let me see the clothes.”

Hux took a step back and unbuttoned his great coat. He let the heavy cloth fall off his shoulders to reveal the extent of his uniform. The shopkeeper’s eyebrows raised and Hux saw a flicker of fear in their eyes.

“I understand your urgency. You can get anything 50 credits or less for each traded piece,” they said in a hushed tone.

“Thank you,” Hux said with a nod.

Hux returned to browsing the store. After a while, he eventually settled on a pair of rough black pants and a simple collared overshirt in white. He brought the clothes to the counter and set them down.

“Are these alright?”

The shopkeeper pulled them closer and looked at the price tags.

“Yeah, these are fine. You sure you don’t want to exchange anything else? Like the boots or coat?”

“I am sure. I’d rather not deal with a new pair of boots.”

“Alright, there’s a dressing room just over there,” they pointed to a door at the other end of the store, “you can change and then give me your other clothes.”

Hux nodded and thanked the shopkeeper again. The changing room was cramped but there was enough room to dress. Hux first pulled on the pants. The fabric felt scratchy on his bare legs. He fastened the waist and took a look in the long mirror in the room. The pants were satisfactory in their fit. Next Hux pulled the overshirt on over the tank top he always wore beneath his uniform. He buttoned it up along the front and tucked the bottom into the waist of the pants. This was much less fitting. The sleeves hung from his arms in an unflattering way and the body of the shirt looked baggy on his thin frame. To add insult to injury, Hux had selected the smallest size of shirt. He sighed and regarded his reflection. There was not a time in Hux’s memory that he had not worn tailored clothing. Between the ill-fitting clothing, the tired look in his eyes, and his loose hair, the reflection in the mirror very much didn’t look like General Armitage Hux. He frankly looked like a Resistance rascal. What a disgusting thought. Hux reminded himself that he had been technically part of the Resistance already. Maybe they would accept him now? 

Hux scoffed ad tore his gaze away from the mirror. As if they would allow their greatest enemy in with open arms. No, they were more likely to shoot him on sight. Hux pulled his great coat back on and picked up his old uniform. He returned to the main room of the shop and placed his uniform and on the counter. The shopkeeper took them and briefly looked through them then nodded.

“Alright, you’re all set,” they said, “I wish you luck, my friend.”

“Thank you,” Hux responded. He wanted to snap at them, to say they weren’t friends, but he also did not want to go against the kindness he had been granted.

Hux left the shop then, bracing again against the cold. More people had emerged by now and Hux found it easy to slip into the throng. He followed the flow of people through the winding streets of the city. Part of Hux wished he had the time and safety to explore the city more thoroughly and see its intricacies. Hux had always loved learning about other cultures. A curiosity that he had on more than one occasion tried to snuff out. It went directly against what the First Order strove for. Anything other had to be crushed, or peace would be impossible. Hux saw now clearly that it had all been propaganda. Everything he had ever been taught about the supremacy of the First Order had been twisted propaganda to control the weak minded. The First Order was truly the only thing preventing peace in the galaxy now.

The crowd slowed and thickened. Hux moved his way to the edge of the crowd and tried to move faster past the rest. This worked momentarily, until a market stall appeared and forced Hux back into the crowd. They had apparently reached a street market. Just as the crowd had condensed, it dissipated again in the large round space that housed the street market. People milled from stall to stall, viewing and purchasing goods of all kinds. Music drifted over the drone of many voices and the colors were spectacular. Hux couldn’t remember the last time he had seen such colors. No, that was a lie. He could remember, but they hadn’t had this much life around them. They had been muted by dirt, dust, debris, and blood.

Hux shook off the thought and looked around the market. He could likely ask someone here, perhaps a vendor, where the nearest space port was. Hux desperately hoped there was one in this city. He didn’t like the sound of his prospects of another journey across the frozen desert. Now to find someone who looked friendly enough to offer such information.

The scent of something warm and edible drifted to Hux’s nose. It caught his attention and, despite his urgency to leave, Hux’s stomach betrayed him. With a ferocious growl and a painful twist, his stomach made itself known. It had been hours, probably more than a day now, since Hux had last eaten. Yes, he could go on without food for longer, but his stomach was not going to let him forget about it. It twisted painfully again, settling into a constant dull ache as Hux considered his options.

“Kriff, fine,” he muttered angrily to himself, he would find something to eat.

Hux turned a slow circle, trying to identify where the smell was coming from. He spotted a stall, not as crowded as the others, with various food stuffs proudly displayed. It would do. Hux wandered over and joined the short line. As he stood, he visually examined what was available. Nothing looked particularly familiar, but his stomach didn’t seem to care, growling almost every time he switched his gaze to something new. The line drew shorter and shorter and Hux was soon at the front.

“What can I get ‘cha?” the vendor asked, leaning on the stall with large grey hands that contrasted his yellow complexion.

“Uhm, can I get that? Do you take credits? It’s all I have,” Hux said pointing. He pitched his voice a tone higher, trying to make himself sound like someone deserving of sympathy and kindness in the event that the vendor did not usually take credits. His inner voice screamed that he did not deserve either.

The vendor picked up the foodstuff Hux had pointed at, some sort of bread product with a filling, and put it into a bag.

“Credits are fine. It costs five of those.”

Hux dug into his pockets and shifted through his credit chips until he found a smaller one. It wasn’t exact, his only twenty credit chip, but it wouldn’t be horrific to make change from. He handed it over to the vendor and took the offered bag. The vendor glanced at the chip then opened a box. He dug through it for a second then extended his hand toward Hux. Hux opened his hand and several coins dropped into his waiting palm. They were of several different metals and had markings Hux didn’t recognize.

“I don’t get many customers who carry creds,” the vendor said, “I hope this is ok for change?”

Hux nodded, quickly pocketing the coins. “It’s fine. Thank you.”

He exited the line, not wanting to take up any more time from the other customers and found a calmer place in the market to stand. He pulled the food he had purchased out and took a bite. He didn’t know what the flavor it was, but it was sweet and warm. Probably fruit then. It was delicious. He ate shamefully quickly and even licked the crumbs off his fingers. But there was no time to chide himself for his lack of decorum. He needed to keep moving. Besides, it the minor breech of protocol felt weirdly liberating. It was just another minor act of defiance.

One vendor in particular caught Hux’s eye. The stall seemed mostly unnoticed by others, which meant it stood empty. The vendor might be more likely to entertain conversation given the lack of business. Hux approached, pretending to examine the exotic trinkets on the tabletop. The vendor behind the counter either didn’t notice him or didn’t care to speak to him. Nothing of interest caught Hux’s eye and he quickly gave up the charade.

He looked up at the vendor, who had been apparently watching him, and smiled as charmingly as he could.

“Could you perhaps direct me to the nearest space port? I seem to have lost my way in the city and need to be getting home.”

The vendor eyed him up and down then pointed. “That way, on the very edge of city. Can’t miss it. Now shove off, you’re blocking my wares.”

Hux bit back the retort that rose like bile to his lips at the rude treatment. There was no use in being nasty, and he certainly didn’t need the attention it would draw. He thanked the vendor quietly and moved away, walking in the direction they had pointed.

The space port wasn’t far and definitely wasn’t miss-able. It appeared where the city came to an abrupt edge, the dense network of buildings suddenly yielding to the space port and open desert. A single building stood by a gate that led into the shipyard. Hux approached this and found a booth with a gruff looking man inside. The man was focused on something inside the booth, probably trying not to freeze in the wind. Without the buildings of the city as a shield, the bitter wind cut straight through Hux’s clothing.

“Excuse me.”

The man looked up from whatever had his attention and locked eyes on Hux. He huffed and leaned forward, getting closer to Hux.

“What can I do for ya? Got a docking fee to pay?”

“No, I’m actually looking for a ship. Do you know of any that I might get passage on?” Hux asked.

“Hmm, lemme look,” the man said. 

Hux watched as the man pulled out a datapad and tapped its screen several times.

“There’s a ship scheduled to leave soon for the Mustafar system. Mining ship. Was here to get supplies on the way to the Hydian Way. They might give you passage. Should be in spot twelve.”

“Thank you,” Hux said with a nod.

All of this asking and thanking for things was strange and still uncomfortable for Hux. He was so used to just giving orders and having his wishes immediately given.

Hux turned from the booth and entered the shipyard through a small gap in the fence, obviously a walking path. The “spot” numbers were obscured by age and ice, but Hux found the right ship quickly enough. It was hard to miss, the only one being actively loaded. He approached a miner standing off to the side of the loading operation. They looked like the type to be in charge.

“Excuse me, I was wondering if I might gain passage on your ship?” 

The miner turned to look at him. “Depends. Can you pay?”

Hux considered his options. He could theoretically pay, but that might mean giving up all he had left.

“No,” he said carefully, “at least not in money. I can offer labor though. I can haul things and am a skilled mechanic.”

The miner huffed. “Fine, whatever, just don’t get in the way. Go help load the ship.”

Hux nodded and turned to do as told, which was also a weird feeling, though not entirely foreign. Not much was left, and quick work was made to get the remaining crates on the freighter. Then the ship disembarked. Hux found himself a secure place to sit down among the cargo.

He remained on edge the whole of the short trip to Listehol, the next closest planet and a hub on the Hydian way. There was something about the miners that put Hux off, maybe it was their crass language or the way that some of them eyed him with fire in their eyes and a predatory air about them. They felt dangerous either way. He helped off load some things once they landed, then left the ship without another word. Hux wandered the shipyard on Listehol for a while. It was larger and busier than Mirial. Several ships were loading or offloading cargo. Hux walked from each to each, inquiring as to their destination. He found a ship headed for the opposite side of the galaxy, deep in the outer rim and far away from First Order influence. It would do wonderfully as a place to hide. He once again bargained manual labor for passage and boarded the ship.

\---

The whole trip took about a week to reach their final destination. Several stops were made along the way and the ship’s hyperdrive was nowhere near the capacity of those in the hands of the First Order that Hux was used to. His passage and share of rations were made sure to be paid with an excess of manual labor. He helped unload and on-load cargo at every stop and was put to work repairing several auxiliary systems. The work was hard, and not what Hux was used to, but he found it strangely nice. Perhaps it was the vast deviation from the easy lifestyle he had grown used to in command of the First Order. He had rarely gotten his hands dirty in that position. But he had always been skilled in anything he put his mind to. He had forced himself to become proficient in everything possible as a child and that transferred into his adult life. It was nice to put some of those skills into practice.

The planet they eventually settled down on was lush and green. Hux helped once more to off load the ship, this time of all the cargo. He was setting down one of the last crates when the ship’s captain approached. Hux straightened up and ran a hand through his messy hair. It had been getting into his eyes the past few days due to the lack of product to corral the strands into place.

“This is the end of the road. Hope you don’t mind where we’re dropping ya’,” the captain said.

“This will be more than fine. Thank you again for allowing me to have passage.”

The captain shrugged. “It’s no problem. You more than made up for the share of supplies. Hell, I’m kinda disappointed to see you go. You work better than some of my boys.”

It was a weird compliment for Hux to receive. He was woefully unused to being in a position of inferiority and yet be treated as an equal at the same time.

“Well,” the captain continued after a beat, “you should go grab your things and be off. I wish you luck in whatever you’re doing out here.”

Hux nodded, feeling another thank you would be too much. He turned and hurried inside the ship. His only belonging left inside was his great coat. It had been far too warm to wear it while working. He grabbed it and checked the pockets for the credits he left stashed in there. None seemed to be missing so Hux disembarked.

The planet seemed to be home to a farming society, or at least the settlement the ship had brought Hux to was. Rolling fields of green stretched away from a small cluster of buildings in every direction. Some bore the marks of neat rows of crops, still young in their growth by judge of the height. Distant specs spoke of livestock. Hux wondered if there were larger settlements on the planet. Likely not, otherwise, why had the ship landed here?

Hux quickly left the tiny shipyard. He was not keen on getting in the way of the wrong person or that of a landing ship. He allowed himself then a moment to just stand and think. He hadn’t had time to think of what he was going to do now, too focused on working on the ship. Now that Hux was standing on this outer rim planet, in a region free of First Order influence, he didn’t know what to do with himself. How was he supposed to live life now? He was on the run, technically, but what did that mean? Would he be safe here? Was he supposed to settle down and make a life for himself? That thought didn’t necessarily agree with him.

Survival first, the logical side of Hux’s brain dictated. He needed to secure basic needs- food, shelter, water- before he could think of doing anything else.

He walked slowly through the settlement. There were a few stores, but Hux saw little use in spending his limited funds. It would be best to hold onto them until absolutely necessary. The settlement was modern, but not stupendously so. Some of the buildings looked to be cobbled together out of a mixture of metal plating and stone. It was an interesting patchwork to say the least, but it seemed to fit the look of the planet overall.

A sign in a house window at the edge of the settlement caught Hux’s eye. He walked closer to investigate and was weirdly thrilled to see a help wanted sign. Perhaps he could negotiate lodgings in return for work.

A few knocks on the door later and the owner of the house opened the door. Hux pointed at the sign.

“I saw your sign,” he said, “I was wondering if I could exchange work for lodging?”

The owner glanced over at the sign then looked Hux up and down. He became suddenly aware of his thin, bare arms; his sleeves being rolled up halfway.

“You don’t look the type for farm work.”

“I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised by my abilities,” Hux said with a false smile. Charisma had gotten him a long way in life, though it usually wasn’t accompanied by smiles.

The farmer hummed once and raised an eyebrow. “I suppose you’ll do. Not like there’s anyone else in this town available to work. Lodging you said? Hmm, that’ll save some money, I guess. Alright, you can sleep in the barn loft. I’ll show you back now. You can start in the fields in the ‘morn. Meals are at dawn, dusk, and midday. You’ll eat in the house with the family.”

Hux just nodded and followed the farmer. They walked through a simple one-room house and out back. There was a barn there at the edge of a small field and some various equipment scattered about. The plants in the field didn’t look great, raggedy and spotted. The farmer lead Hux into the barn and up a rickety ladder to a loft filled sparsely with hay.

“Ain’t furniture or electric, but you could push the straw into a pile for a bed and use a lantern. Not a fire one though, only electric. Otherwise you’ll burn the whole place down.”

“Thank you,” Hux says.

“Mmm, supper is in an hour or so. Just let yourself in through the back door. What did you say your name was again?”

“Uh, it’s Armitage.”

“Armitage,” the farmer echoed, “never met an Armitage before. My name’s Orron.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Orron,” Hux responded.

The farmer left then without another word. Hux stayed in the loft, feeling a fool. What the kriff was he doing taking a farm job? He was going to be sleeping on a pile of straw like an animal. It was the crassest thing he had ever done. There was something exhilarating about it. 

Hux found a broom in the barn and spent the hour before supper drawing the hay into a single pile. His great coat would have to serve as a buffer, so Hux spread it atop the hay. Then he made his way down into the house.

Supper was uncomfortable. Half was spent in dead quiet with Orron the farmer and his husband, Craf. The other half was a litany of awkward questions that Hux answered vaguely and dismissively to get away from any truth of his past. It would be better for these people to speculate on his possible origins rather than confirm the monster he was made from. Once he finished his food, he thanked the two for it and the place to sleep, then made his way back to the barn. He did not sleep well that night.

The next morning, he met the farmer as he descended from the barn loft just as the sky began to lighten.

“Oh,” Orron said, “I didn’t expect you to be awake lad. I was just coming to get you up; breakfast is ready in the house.”

The farmer led him in, and they ate a small breakfast. Craf was not awake yet, so Hux and Orron ate in silence. Once they were finished, Orron took Hux into the fields and began teaching him how to care for the plants. It turned out that the plants were exactly as they were supposed to be and not as ill and unkempt as Hux had initially thought. Hux was responsible for watering and weeding the field of raggedy plants. His first day was spent doing as such.

Then there was another field the farmer had. This one was unplanted and Hux was instructed to begin tilling the soil. The farmer told him he would afterwards need to get fertilizer at the market to begin preparing the field for planting. It was going to be a long process to get the patch ready.

And so started what Hux was sure was going to be a long while of hard labor. He found himself not minding it in the slightest.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I'm back. After several months..... I am truely sorry for the wait on this chapter. I haven't given up on this fic, just been trying to get through some shit rn. Hope y'all enjoy this chapter! I'll try to get the next up in a reasonable amount of time ^-^'

Showering did Ben a world of good. He hadn’t realized how utterly filthy he had been until he stepped under the spray of water and watched the grime tint it first black then brown. Not to mention, he was able to allow his mind to go completely blank as he focused on getting clean. Who said meditation had to happen sitting down in silence? It was a serene moment.

Once he finished, Ben felt much more human. He dried off and wandered back into his room. Clothes were the next order of business and Ben elected for something casual and comfortable, just a loose-fitting shirt and some pants. He had no desire to deal with the time-consuming process of putting on his Jedi robes. Besides, what was the point right now? He was home and likely wasn’t going to leave; there was no need to put on that particular uniform.

Except, it wasn’t really a uniform now was it? The new Jedi order, what little of it remained between Ben and his uncle, didn’t really follow the tenets of the old Jedi order. Luke had tried to remain true to what teachings he could find from the original Jedi order, and what he had learned from a few masters of old, but he had never held a standard of perfection to his students. There were many teachings that the Jedi of old had stuck to that were frankly extreme, things that were put in place to limit the sway of the dark side but that in fact only strengthened it. Luke had seen first-hand what happened when people were forced to live lives completely free of corruption and attachment. It may have worked for those Jedi trained from birth, but in the case of the legendary Anakin Skywalker, Luke’s father and Ben’s grandfather, to push aside his human nature had led to the creation of Darth Vader. And to be fair, was it even possible to live life without fear or anger to some extent? Could each and every Jedi of old truly say they had not once allowed fear or anger influence their actions? Not to mention the hypocrisy that was the Jedi code against love. Jedi were supposed to love unconditionally, but not allowed to love selectively.

Ben sighed and combed a hand through his wet hair. Now wasn’t the time to philosophize on the right way to be a Jedi. He didn’t really have the energy for it in the first place. A change of pace would be good, Ben thought. Something to distract him from the chaotic nature of his thoughts.

Poe came to mind, and Ben decided it would be good to see his best friend. It would probably be wise to let Poe know he was ok. The man had an obnoxious habit of over worrying himself.

Ben left his room and wandered the base looking for Poe. Both the cantina and Poe’s room were empty so Ben moved on. He checked the command room then turned and started for the main hangars when that also did not turn up Poe. The hangar seemed busy as Ben approached. He had to stand to the side as a stream of people entered and left the room. Once it calmed down a bit, Ben approached the door and peaked into the room beyond. Mechanics and pilots scurried to and fro and the room was filled with the sound of chatter and tools repairing ships. This was the normal for a hangar, if not a little busier than usual due to the recent battle. There was always a plethora of work to be done to the fleet after a fight. Scanning the room, Ben’s eyes came to rest on the distinctive black X-wing known as Black One parked at the very end of the hangar. Poe’s ship.

The ship must have been undergoing repairs to be in the hangar, and if that was so, Poe had to be close by. Poe loved that damn ship to an almost disturbing degree. Ben had overheard Poe refer to it as his baby on more than one occasion. Every single modification on the thing, every little tweak that made it the fast and lethal machine that it was, even more so than the standard X-wing, down to very paint job, Poe had done with his own two hands. No one else could touch the thing, especially if it was to do any repairs. Poe would kill anyone who touched it. Not even Ben could.

A gap in the swarm of moving bodies let Ben see the base of the X-wing and the distinctive shape of Poe Dameron standing beneath it. He was speaking to someone Ben couldn’t see. The gap closed immediately, and Ben’s view was cut off, but it didn’t matter, he had already found his target.

Ben slipped into the hangar and wove his way through the crowd. As he got closer to Black One, the crowd thinned, and Ben was able to see who Poe was talking to. It was Finn and Rey. Ben was not surprised. The two new Resistance members seemed to have attached themselves to Poe from what Ben could tell. Every time he saw Poe, those two weren’t far behind, not to mention the whisps of unusual emotion Ben had sensed between the three. That was something to ponder later though.

Ben walked right up behind Poe and stopped. He didn’t expect the man to turn around immediately. Ben was good at sneaking up on people as it was, but Poe was also exceptionally unobservant of his surroundings. It was an interesting trait for a star pilot, but the lack of awareness seemed to disappear entirely behind the controls of a ship. Ben and Poe joked that Poe’s smarts were reserved for flying only and the second he stepped from a ship he became a bumbling fool. This was of course not true. The man was a strategic genius, if a little impulsive. But he was clumsy as all hell and it was hilariously easy to sneak up on him.

Poe was gushing about the ship to Finn and Rey. It was all the typical stuff Poe gabbed about, the modifications he’d done and why. Ben had heard it all a million times. Still, it was nice to see Poe so enthusiastic about something. Ben just listened and watched a Poe gesticulated through his explanations from behind. 

Finn happened to glance away from Poe and Ben watched as he did a double take with his eyes. They settled on Ben and widened in surprise, maybe even shock. Ben was relieved to find no fear coming from Finn.

Poe talked for a moment longer while Finn stared at Ben. His words then screeched to a halt, “- what are looking at Finn? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Poe turned his head and jumped slightly. Ben had to repress a smile of amusement at Poe’s reaction. The brief moment of fear passed quickly and Poe’s face broke into a wide grin as he recognized his friend. Ben knew what was coming next and braced himself as Poe flung his arms around his neck and squeezed Ben as hard as he could. Ben hugged Poe back in an equally brutal manner, as was their custom.

“Ben! You scared the shit out of me. How the hell are ya buddy?” Poe said as he let go of Ben.

“I’m fine Poe, thanks to you,” Ben said.

Poe’s expression shifted and Ben sensed a flash of pain from the other. It lasted only a second before Poe was smiling before, but not as widely this time. The pilot took a step back from Ben and turned back toward the others.

Finn stepped toward Ben immediately. At first Ben was sure the man was going to slap him with how intentionally he had moved, but instead Finns arms came around Ben in a hug. Ben hesitated in surprised but then hugged Finn back. The moment he did, Ben felt first discomfort from Finn and expected him to let go. But the discomfort faded fast and was replaced by something Ben could only describe as touch-starvedness. Finn had probably had not been hugged much in his life, Ben realized.

Finn let go and stepped back from Ben.

“I’m glad you’re ok,” Finn said. “We were all worried about you.”

Ben was further surprised to hear that. He barely knew Finn and had clashed so badly with him at first that to hear such a thing from him carried an immense amount of weight. This man who had been terrified to hear Ben was force sensitive was now welcoming him with open arms. Ben’s stomach twisted into a sharp knot. Not many times in his life had someone gone through such a change in perspective for him. Not knowing how to respond, Ben just nodded.

A moment passed. Ben saw movement out of the corner of his eye and felt an overwhelming presence at his side. He turned and his eyes met Rey’s. She just stood and stared at him. Ben stared right back. Out of curiosity, Ben reached out and brushed against the edge of Rey’s mind, just to try and get a glimpse of what she was feeling. He found nothing there, not just a lack of emotion, but absolutely nothing. It was almost as if she were shielding her mind. Ben thought back to what Luke had told him about whatever this dyad thing was between him and Rey. He felt mildly hurt that she was shielding her mind from him.

Ben breathed in sharply, shocked at his own thoughts. Rey had every right to shield her mind from whoever she pleased. Just because the Force was connecting them did not mean Ben was entitled to free access into her mind. He felt sick at the very notion of that. The mind was a sacred place and not a place to delve into when one pleased. Ben knew the pain of having that sacredness desecrated and would never wish it on another.

Still, something about Rey’s mind being closed to Ben felt like a lack of trust. Rey felt like a familiar presence to Ben, even if they’d barely interacted. She almost felt like a part of him, like the right place for her in the universe for her was by Ben’s side. 

A voice from the depths of Ben’s mind spoke, was this attraction?

Ben didn’t have the time to react physically to his disgust at that idea as Rey moved. He watched carefully as she stepped forward and stood on her tip toes to hug him. This hug was much gentler than their last one, when Ben had just returned. Ben hugged her back. He forced his mind to go blank so as to not have to confront the idea of experiencing attraction toward Rey. As a result, he didn’t notice when the hug lasted a little too long.

Poe cleared his throat and the sound brought Ben back into the moment. Rey let go of Ben and stumbled back slightly, seeming to have forgotten that she was standing on her toes. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled and stepped closer to Finn, no longer looking at Ben.

Poe replaced Rey at Ben’s side immediately. Ben could feel jealousy from Poe directed at Rey. In an obvious display of possessiveness, Poe slung his arm over Ben’s shoulders and hung off the Jedi.

“Anyways, I was just telling Finn and Rey about Black One,” Poe said.

Ben knew it was Poe’s go to tactic of changing the subject when there was an unfavorable situation. Poe continued talking about what he had told Finn and Rey about the ship. He eventually transitioned into telling them new things about the ship; new modifications and why they had been implimented. Ben wondered briefly if the man could ever run out of things to talk about with regards to the ship.

“- so anyways, after a scuffle with some butthurt Tholothians, I added the shield plating.”

Ben snorted at the memory of that particular encounter. Poe turned to look at him.

“Yeah,” Ben said before Poe could question him, “I remember that. You nearly got yourself electrocuted in the process. But no, only you could put the plating on properly, even though you kept hitting wires with the bolts.”

“Hey, don’t blame me for being protective! You nearly totaled it the time I let you fly it before that time!” Poe retorted.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Yeah sure, if you call evasive maneuvers through an asteroid when you’re being chased by TIEs ‘nearly totaling’ it.”

The two began bickering and trading jabs back and forth in a comfortable pattern. 

After a while of this, Finn spoke up, “So, uh, are you two like… uh…?”

Poe and Ben stopped talking and both looked at Finn. It took Ben a moment to grasp what Finn had left out of his sentence, and by the time he did Poe was already talking.

“A thing?” Poe supplied with a smirk.

Finn looked embarrassed and Ben couldn’t help but to roll his eyes. Not this again. The amount of times he and Poe had been asked or mistaken for a couple were numerous. Was it such a crime for two friends to be close?

Finn looked like he wanted to respond to Poe verbally but only managed a small nod. Poe snorted in response.

“Gods no, I wish. Ben would be quite the catch, but this big guy doesn’t do that sort of stuff,” Poe said.

“Oh,” Finn said, glancing at Ben. There was a slight hopeful tone to the single word and a glimmer in Finn’s eye.

Ben watched as Finn looked back at Poe and sensed a flash of affection directed toward Poe from the man. Good, Ben thought, Poe deserved someone like Finn, someone kindhearted and truly good at heart and capable of love. 

Ben felt a pang of guilt at his own thoughts. It wasn’t guilt at the fact that he couldn’t love Poe in a different way than he did. No, this guilt was for thinking he wasn’t capable of love, at least not in that capacity. It wasn’t that the statement was untrue, just self-hating in a way that Ben had fought tooth and nail not to be with himself. It was ok that he couldn’t love like that, Ben reminded himself, that was just how he was and there was nothing he could do to change it.

“Why don’t we go grab something to eat at the cantina?” Ben said, pulling himself away from his thoughts and the group away from the subject.

“Good idea!” Poe said, “We should get some drinks to celebrate your return from the jaws of death!”

Ben shook his head slightly and chuckled at the remark. Leave it to Poe to make light of a situation so effectively that everyone else felt better about it too.

Poe ushered the three others out of the hangar and to the cantina. It was mostly empty, since dinner wasn’t for several more hours, so they sat down at the nearest table. Poe went over to the drinks counter and ordered a round of drinks from the droid there. After a minute or so he brought over a tray and set it on the table before passing out four identical glasses. Ben pushed his away.

“Thanks Poe, but I’ve got a meeting in a couple of hours.”

Poe just shrugged and pulled the glass closer to himself. He picked up his own and held it up.

“To the miraculous survival, once again, of our very own Ben Solo. I guarantee I am going to get you drunk later,” Poe said.

Finn and Rey clinked their glasses with Poe in toast and they started drinking.

No actual eating happened while they were in the cantina. The four chatted about meaningless things like base operations before Poe got into an overexaggerated retelling of one of his more exciting missions. Poe drank steadily with Finn keeping up quite well. Rey on the other hand only slowly sipped at her drink. Finn and Rey seemed to hang on Poe’s every word. They listened with rapt attention as he told his story, laughing at the funny parts and gasping at the daring ones. It was both a funny and endearing thing for Ben to watch. Most people around the base were sick of Poe’s shit, but this new audience was eating up every word. Ben could feel Poe’s joy at this and shared in it, content to watch the three.

A few hours passed, Poe continuing to tell tale after tale, getting drunker all the time. Ben sat in silence, just enjoying the company. A hand touched Ben’s shoulder lightly. He glanced up and saw a member of base personnel, specifically one of his mother’s runners. The man leaned down close to Ben’s ear and began whispering into it.

“Commander Solo, your mother sent me to inform you that a meeting is starting soon, and, should you wish to attend, you would be welcome.”

It was not uncommon for personnel to stumble through the appropriate usage of titles between Ben and Leia. Half the time Leia was “The General” and the other half “Your Mother”.

Ben turned to face the runner and nodded in appreciation.

“Thank you,” he said.

The runner nodded back and glanced at the others at Ben’s table, who had by now gone silent, then turned and left.

“Who was that?” Rey asked, drawing Ben’s attention.

“Just a messenger,” Ben responded.

He sighed slightly and stood up from the table, the other three tracking his movement with their eyes.

“Duty calls,” Ben said with a half assed shrug, “important meeting to get to.”

“Yuck, work. You better come back after and get hammered with me you jerk,” Poe said, slurring through his words.

Ben just scoffed at his friend. “Sure. I’ll see you all later.”

There were a few goodbyes, then Ben turned and left the cantina.

He walked slowly toward the meeting room. The door to the room was closed when he got there and Ben stared at it in trepidation.

He wanted to go in there and listen to what was going to be discussed. This was going to be one of the most important meetings the Resistance had ever had. They would be discussing what to do now. Now that the First Order had been crippled. They would likely be going over what intel they had gathered since the battle, determining what and who had and had not survived the attack. Ben should be there. It was important. But, he really didn’t want to go through the door.

Ben sighed, staring at the electronic lock. He was tired. Tired of being on the front lines of this war, even if it was the only way to protect the galaxy. The Resistance would survive if he skipped one meeting.

Ben then squared his shoulders and turned the other way. He walked swiftly through the base, taking the most direct route outside. The exterior door swung open and Ben stepped out into the sun. He let it warm his face for a moment, breathing in the air. Then, he strode across the flight strip and into the woods that flanked it, intent on finding a quiet place and spending his time meditating.

**Author's Note:**

> Note for 26 June 2020: The summary of this fic has been updated to what I believe will be it's final form.


End file.
